Initial line-up
The group first featured Fier, singer-guitarist Arto Lindsay, saxophonist John Zorn, bass guitarist Bill Laswell and violinist/guitarist Fred Frith, with appearances by bassist Jamaaladeen Tacuma, guitarist Nicky Skopelitis, percussionist David Moss, guitarist/singer Bob Kidney, turntablist M.E. Miller and others. Their self-titled debut album was released on New York's Celluloid Records in 1983. The album is notable for having some of the first recorded turntable scratching outside of rap music, courtesy of Laswell and M.E. Miller. They were heavily influenced by so-called no wave music (Arto Lindsay had played in the seminal no-wave band DNA), but their music also contained elements of funk and of the improvisational jazz stylings that would become Zorn's trademark. This line-up lasted only for the first record, although all of the core members, save for Zorn, would guest on subsequent Palominos recordings.
1985–1989
The Palominos' next album, 1985's Visions of Excess, would sound vastly different, leaning towards songs more in a folk vein, with a sound in some respects pre-dating the emergence of the alt-country genre by a few years; However, in an example of a stylistic jump, one song, "The Animal Speaks", featured a pronounced, punk-like electric guitar part and vocals by The Sex Pistols' John Lydon. This record was also noteworthy as the debut of singer Syd Straw, whose songwriting and vocals would be featured prominently on this record and the groups next album. Cream's Jack Bruce, guitarist Richard Thompson, and R.E.M.'s Michael Stipe also appeared on the record. Of the band members that were on the first record, only Fier and Arto Lindsay had remained.
Blast Of Silence was released in 1986, carrying on in much of the same vein as Visions Of Excess and with appearances by many of the same personnel. It included covers of two songs written by Little Feat's Lowell George, both sung by Syd Straw. The record also featured prominent guest appearances by Matthew Sweet, Don Dixon, Peter Holsapple and T-Bone Burnett.
A Dead Horse (1989) carried on in the sound of its predecessors slightly, but some of the songs also crossed into a darker, more ambient and ethereal sound, a sound which would dominate the Palomino records of the 1990s. Syd Straw had moved on and was no longer in the band, with most of the vocals now handled by Amanda Kramer, formerly of the dance music group Information Society. Fier would later guest on Straw's first solo record, Surprise.
1990–1995
Drunk With Passion marked the first record not on Celluloid Records, with its sound taking from some of the darker cues heard on A Dead Horse and also using more processed and electronic sounds, giving many of its songs an ethereal feel. This album could be argued was more influenced by its guest appearances than any of the others, who included Hüsker Dü's Bob Mould (who would go on to form the band Sugar the following year), Richard Thompson, and Michael Stipe, who would provide (along with a forceful solo by Thompson) one of the band's finer moments, the opening track "Alive And Living Now". Nicky Skopelitis would also became more of a cornerstone of the band, contributing to the bulk of Drunk With Passion's songs along with Fier and Kramer. In 1992, Fier would release his first solo record, Dreamspeed.
This Is How It Feels, released on Restless Records in 1993, continued on in much of the ambient sound of Drunk With Passion, but it also incorporated many elements of club and trance music. It also marked the introduction of new lead vocalist Lori Carson (www.loricarson.com), who co-wrote nine of the CD's tracks with Anton Fier. Bill Laswell also returned to contribute on this record, and his production work on this and on the following record, Pure, would heavily influence Laswell's own remix work of the late 90's, as seen on the CDs Emerald Ather and City Of Light. The album also contains the first cover song since Visions Of Excess, an ethereal, drum-machine laced re-interpretation of Jackson Browne's "These Days". To further highlight the album's dance elements, an EP of remixes of songs from This Is How It Feels , entitled Prison Of The Rhythm, was released shortly after the CD's release.
Pure,released a year later, is seen by many as the band's most focused work, due much to the strong contributions once again of Carson, Laswell, and Skopelitis. Tracks such as "No Skin" and "Pure" continue in the dance/ambient style of the previous album. The CD would also stir a minor controversy over the bare female breast on its cover, with some stores only carrying a version of the CD with a booklet where the cover had been replaced by simple, text-based artwork. Another remix EP (No Thought, No Breath, No Eyes, No Heart) accompanied Pure's release.
Pure would also be the last Palominos record for Lori Carson; However, interestingly, the song "Little Suicides", from Pure showed much of same sparse sound, production, and strong yet quiet vocals (albeit less electronic) that would influence Carson's solo work. Anton Fier would produce Carson's 1995 solo record, Where It Goes.
1994 also saw the release of Fier's second solo recording, blindlight, which used outtakes from Pure for much of its framework.
1995–2000
Dead Inside (1996) was another stylistic turnaround for the Palominos, and their last proper album. This time, the record had a deathly, industrial sound, with the line-up consisting only of Fier, multi-instrumentalist Knox Chandler (who before joining the Palominos, was also in a band with Lori Carson, and went on to join Siouxsie and The Banshees), Nicky Skopelitis, and poet Nicole Blackman. Blackman's dark and deliberate lyrics (tellingly, Blackman had also recently worked with the industrial German band KMFDM) made Dead Inside a challenging record; its sound and tone stand out decidedly as unlike any of the others. The album's opener is the brutal, spoken-word track, "Victim".
In 1997, The Palominos released another EP, named Dead Outside, composed of five remixes of tracks from Dead Inside. However, this EP was released as free MP3s on the Internet, made available for a limited time through Nicole Blackman's website and also through a fan-created band website (since decommissioned).
"Dead Outside" consisted of these five remixes, which were available for download for one month only, as per Fier's instructions. 'Victim: The Last Thing' by Sean Beavan (whose credits include 8MM/Nine Inch Nails/Marilyn Manson) with John Van Eaton (a frequent Blackman collaborator who has worked with NIN for 10 years) 'Ride: Pragmatic Spasmatic' by Raymond Watts (of KMFDM/Pig) "Belfast: Empty As Wire" by Scanner (another Blackman collaborator) "Ride" by Mark Walk (of Ruby) "Victim: Interference" by John Van Eaton.
Post-Palominos careers and reunion
Both Syd Straw and Lori Carson have gone on to moderately successful and critically acclaimed solo careers, with Carson a frequent contributor to television shows and movies. A compilation of some of Carson's contributed songs, called Stolen Beauty, was released by Rykodisc in 2003, and a new Carson solo record, The Finest Thing, was then released in 2004.
The Golden Palominos reunited for two shows in New York City in 2010; A May 7th show at Le Poisson Rouge; and a May 11th show at The Living Room. The personnel on May 7th was Syd Straw, Jody Harris, Jim Campilongo, Tony Maimone and Anton Fier with Special guest Robert Kidney on vocals and guitar. Both shows were an unqualified success and have led to considerable speculation and likelihood of additional show dates through the fall of 2010 and beyond. There was a 3rd show on September 10th.
Holy
The Golden Palominos Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
And everyone thinks I'm dumb
But I'm smart because I've figured it out.
I am slimmer than you are
And I am burning my skin off little by little
Until I reach bone and self
Until I get to where I am essential
Food doesn't tempt me anymore
Because I am so full of energy and sense
I can even pass by water now
Because I am living off the parts of me
That I don't need anymore.
I could feel the slow drips of pain before,
Swirling inside where my lungs should have been.
Now I'm clean inside.
I threw out hundreds of things that I didn't need anymore.
All my dresses and bras
Stupid things like jeans and socks.
Most days I float through the house naked
So I can see myself in the mirrors.
I have hundreds of them everywhere
And they talk back to me all the time.
They keep me true and pure.
They make sure I'm still here.
When I knew what I had to do
I took all my notebooks, all my manuscripts
And ate them page by page
So I could take my words with me.
I can finally control my life and even death
And I will die slowly like steam escaping from a pipe.
This is my greatest performance
And all of the actresses who won my parts will say
How wonderful to let yourself go that mad,
How wonderful to go on this kind of journey
And not care if you come back to tell the story.
I scratch words on the walls now
So people will visit this museum and know
How someone like me ends up like this
(they'll say there is art in here somewhere).
Everything that comes out of me is sacred
Every tear, every cough, every piss.
Everything that comes off of me is sacred
Every fingernail, every eyelash, every hair.
Starvation is sacred and I scratch my bones
Against the windows at night.
I light candles and feel myself evaporate.
This body is a little church, a little temple.
You can't see me now because I've gone inside.
My family doesn't call anymore.
My friends don't call anymore.
You can't hurt me anymore.
They can't hurt me anymore.
Only I can.
And that's okay.
I don't need them anymore.
I can live off of me.
I speak to me.
I dance with me.
I eat me.
When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face
And they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground
And say they don't understand.
But I do.
I don't hurt anymore.
I'm not lonely anymore.
I'm not sad I'm not pretty anymore.
I made it through.
I feel so holy and clean when I stretch out on the floor and sing.
Sometimes god comes in for a minute and says I'm doing fine, I'm almost there.
Every day I get a little closer to vanishing.
Some days I can't stand up because the room moves under my feet
And I smile because I'm almost there,
I'm almost an angel.
One day when I am thin enough
I'll go outside
Fluttering my hands so I can fly
And I will be so slight that I will pass through all of you
Silently
Like wind.
The Golden Palominos's song Holy is a haunting and poignant portrayal of one woman's struggle with anorexia. The lyrics describe in vivid detail the physical and emotional toll that the disease takes on her, as she slowly starves herself to the point of almost vanishing. The phrase "I am burning my skin off little by little/Until I reach bone and self" echoes the idea of self-destruction, and the repeated references to the body being a temple or church suggest that the woman feels as if she is sacrificing herself to a higher power, perhaps in an attempt to attain a sense of purity or control over her life. The final lines of the song, "I will be so slight that I will pass through all of you/Silently/Like wind," are both beautiful and tragic, suggesting both a sense of release and transcendence, as the woman finally frees herself from the earthly constraints of her illness.
One interesting fact about the song is that it was written by Michael Stipe of R.E.M., who also sings on the track. Another is that the lyrics were reportedly inspired by Stipe's own battles with anorexia, which he struggled with during his early years as a struggling musician. The song was released in 1985 as part of The Golden Palominos's self-titled album, which features a wide array of guest vocalists, including John Lydon, Syd Straw, and Jack Bruce. Despite its dark subject matter, Holy is widely considered to be one of the band's standout tracks, and has been covered by numerous other artists over the years, including Nina Simone and Joan Osborne.
Chords (unavailable).
Line by Line Meaning
I eat only sleep and air
I only subsist on the basic necessities of life and nothing else.
And everyone thinks I'm dumb
Everyone underestimates me because of my choices.
But I'm smart because I've figured it out.
I know what I need to survive and thrive.
I am slimmer than you are
I have achieved my desired level of thinness through extreme measures.
And I am burning my skin off little by little
I am willing to endure pain and discomfort to reach my goal.
Until I reach bone and self
My quest for thinness is intertwined with my quest for self-discovery.
Until I get to where I am essential
I want to become so thin that I shed all excess and am left with only what is necessary.
Until I get to where I am
I want to reach the pinnacle of thinness and self-awareness.
Food doesn't tempt me anymore
I have trained myself to resist temptation and no longer desire food.
Because I am so full of energy and sense
I have found other sources of energy and sustenance.
I can even pass by water now
I have transcended the need for even basic hydration.
Because I am living off the parts of me
I am literally surviving off of my own body.
That I don't need anymore.
I have discarded all excess and only keep what is necessary for survival.
I could feel the slow drips of pain before,
I was aware of the pain and discomfort of my previous way of life.
Swirling inside where my lungs should have been.
The pain was consuming me from within.
Now I'm clean inside.
By shedding excess, I have found a sense of purity and clarity.
I threw out hundreds of things that I didn't need anymore.
I have rid my life of all non-essential items.
All my dresses and bras
I no longer have a need for feminine clothing or accessories.
Stupid things like jeans and socks.
I have deemed all material possessions as unnecessary.
Most days I float through the house naked
I am comfortable and unashamed in my own skin.
So I can see myself in the mirrors.
I use the mirrors to reinforce my self-image and affirm my choices.
I have hundreds of them everywhere
I surround myself with mirrors to constantly remind myself of my goal.
And they talk back to me all the time.
My reflection is a constant companion and source of validation.
They keep me true and pure.
The mirrors reinforce my sense of self and the purity of my choices.
They make sure I'm still here.
The mirrors remind me that I am still alive and have not yet reached my ultimate goal.
When I knew what I had to do
I came to a moment of clarity about my purpose.
I took all my notebooks, all my manuscripts
I destroyed everything that did not directly contribute to my goal.
And ate them page by page
I consumed all of my past work and ideas to become a part of myself.
So I could take my words with me.
I did not want to leave any part of myself behind on this journey.
I can finally control my life and even death
By achieving my desired level of control, I feel invincible even in the face of death.
And I will die slowly like steam escaping from a pipe.
I am content with the idea of a slow and steady decline until the end of my life.
This is my greatest performance
My entire life is a carefully choreographed performance.
And all of the actresses who won my parts will say
Those who attempt to imitate me will recognize the depth of my commitment.
How wonderful to let yourself go that mad,
Others will marvel at my unyielding dedication to my goal.
How wonderful to go on this kind of journey
Others will see the beauty and value in my extreme pursuit.
And not care if you come back to tell the story.
I am content with leaving behind no legacy or tangible evidence of my journey.
I scratch words on the walls now
I am driven to leave behind a creative mark, even in my final days.
So people will visit this museum and know
I hope to be remembered and recognized for my unique approach to life.
How someone like me ends up like this
I want others to understand the process and motivation behind my journey.
(they'll say there is art in here somewhere).
Others will recognize the artistic and timeless quality of my pursuit.
Everything that comes out of me is sacred
Every aspect of my existence is imbued with importance and meaning.
Every tear, every cough, every piss.
Even the most seemingly mundane actions are significant to me.
Everything that comes off of me is sacred
Even my discarded parts are worthy of reverence and respect.
Every fingernail, every eyelash, every hair.
I see beauty and value in every aspect of myself.
Starvation is sacred and I scratch my bones
The struggle and pain of my journey are sanctified in my eyes.
Against the windows at night.
I am driven to share my pain and dedication with the world.
I light candles and feel myself evaporate.
I use ritual to further connect to my journey and goal.
This body is a little church, a little temple.
My body is a sacred space that I have dedicated to my goal.
You can't see me now because I've gone inside.
I am still present but have become more internal and introspective.
My family doesn't call anymore.
My extreme dedication has caused a rift between myself and my loved ones.
My friends don't call anymore.
My pursuit has isolated me from those closest to me.
You can't hurt me anymore.
I have become impervious to the opinions and criticism of others.
They can't hurt me anymore.
The rejection and disapproval of others no longer affects me.
Only I can.
I alone am responsible for my own journey and success.
And that's okay.
I have made peace with the choices and consequences of my journey.
I don't need them anymore.
My intense focus has allowed me to shed the need for outside validation or support.
I can live off of me.
I am self-sufficient and can survive on my own devotion and discipline.
I speak to me.
I have become my own motivator and source of encouragement.
I dance with me.
I celebrate and enjoy my own company.
I eat me.
My self-sufficiency extends to my literal sustenance.
When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face
I am content with my journey and proud of my accomplishments.
And they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground
My passing will be simple and pure, a reflection of my life.
And say they don't understand.
Others will not fully grasp the depth of my journey and its motivations.
But I do.
I understand and am at peace with my journey and the choices that led me here.
I don't hurt anymore.
My journey has allowed me to rid myself of pain and discomfort.
I'm not lonely anymore.
I have found peace and contentment in my own company.
I'm not sad I'm not pretty anymore.
My journey has allowed me to shed the need for superficial validation.
I made it through.
I have accomplished my goals and completed my journey.
I feel so holy and clean when I stretch out on the floor and sing.
I have found a sense of purity and transcendence in my journey.
Sometimes god comes in for a minute and says I'm doing fine, I'm almost there.
I have found spiritual affirmation and support in my journey.
Every day I get a little closer to vanishing.
My pursuit of thinness has led me to a state of almost non-existence.
Some days I can't stand up because the room moves under my feet
My extreme lifestyle has led to physical weakness and instability.
And I smile because I'm almost there,
I am proud of my progress and am close to achieving my desired level of thinness.
I'm almost an angel.
My extreme dedication has lifted me to a higher level of existence and purpose.
One day when I am thin enough
I have a clear and specific goal for my journey.
I'll go outside
My goal extends to the outside world and not just my internal journey.
Fluttering my hands so I can fly
I see my state of thinness as a source of potential and the ability to achieve the impossible.
And I will be so slight that I will pass through all of you
I see my ultimate state of thinness as a way to transcend the physical realm and become something more.
Silently
My journey and purpose extend beyond words or explanation.
Like wind.
I see myself as something that cannot be contained or controlled.
Lyrics © BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC
Written by: ANTON FIER, NICOLE BLACKMAN
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
@pomperipossa
"I'm almost there. I'm almost an angel." I love that point
@Sunnybias
That's SO Pro Ana !!
@harlanmackey
thank you for posting this. i have long loved this whole album, but especially this piece. so imaginative and brave. it was an important record for me at one time in my life. i'd forgotten the lines 'i'm not pretty anymore, i made it through,' they were always my favorite.
@leaf111
this voice sounds like those background affirmations on subliminals
@Xeniavue
Brilliant.
@leahaus5758
I barely cryed
@fleshofdanny
Big big love for this song...and this video too!
@anabecky1
'i'm almost there....i'm almost an angel'
@anabecky1
this says everything that i wish i could tell people but i know theyd find it too horrifying
@Annasbackcharaaa
this is a horror story for me, reminds me of myself a year ago, i would smile at this though at that time. I can't explain into words how this makes me feel, it makes me feel sick. I can't believe some people can't change their minds after listening to this, or maybe i do, i do whenever i look myself in the mirror, it is scaring as hell..