Shaving Cream
The Gruesome Three Lyrics

I have a sad story to tell you
The singer has a story to tell that may make the listeners feel sad or uncomfortable.

It may hurt your feelings a bit
The story has the potential to be emotionally distressing.

Last night when I walked in my bathroom
The story takes place in the singer's bathroom.

I stepped in a big pile of
The artist encountered something in the bathroom that was unpleasant or unexpected.

Shaving Cream
The unpleasant thing was a pile of shaving cream.

Be nice and clean
A reminder of the importance of personal hygiene and cleanliness.

Shave every day and you'll always look keen
Good personal grooming practices will make one look sharp and attractive.

I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
The artist's romantic relationship is not going well.

Her antics are queer, I'll admit
The girlfriend's behavior is unusual or unexpected.

Each time I say, "Darling, I love you"
The artist expresses affection for the girlfriend in spite of her behavior.

She tells me that I'm full of
The girlfriend responds negatively to the singer's expressions of love.

Shaving Cream
The girlfriend's unkind response is compared to stepping in a pile of shaving cream.

Our baby fell out of the window
A tragic event involving a child is about to be described.

You'd think that her head would be split
The singer speculates on the severity of the child's injury.

But good luck was with her that morning
The child survived the fall unharmed.

She fell in a barrel of
The child was fortunate to land in a container of something soft.

Shaving Cream
The thing the child fell into was shaving cream.

An old lady died in a bathtub
Another tragic event involving death is about to be described.

She died from a terrible fit
The cause of the old lady's death is given.

In order to fufill her wishes
The old lady had made her wishes known before her death.

She was buried in six feet of
The old lady's final resting place is being described.

Shaving Cream
The old lady was buried in shaving cream as per her wishes.

When I was in France with the army
The singer is sharing a story from a past experience.

One day I looked in to my kit
The artist is describing a moment when they inspected their belongings.

I thought I would find me a sandwich
The singer had a specific expectation when they looked into their kit.

But the darn thing was loaded with
The contents of the kit were a surprise to the singer.

Shaving Cream
The kit contained an unexpected item, shaving cream.

And now folks my story is ended
The artist is wrapping up their storytelling.

I think it is time I should quit.
The artist feels that they have shared enough stories for the time being.

If any of you feel offended
The singer is aware that the content of their stories may not be suitable for everyone.

Stick your head in a barrel of
The singer suggests that those who are offended can take a specific action.

Shaving Cream
The action they suggest is to put one's head in shaving cream.