“Twenty first century folk for twenty first cent… Read Full Bio ↴St. Helens, England
“Twenty first century folk for twenty first century folk” ’
Ows tha doin cocker? Here’s some reet gradely stuff about everyone’s favourite North West folk singers the Lancashire Hotpots.
As we all know, the ‘Hotpots’ like Prestwich Hospital, are a long established Lancashire institution. They have been singing songs about the traditions and people of Bolton, Preston, Wigan and St Helens for nigh on 30 crackin’ years.
I’m sure thas all remembers back in’t 70s they had their legendary TV show ‘Shut Thi Trap’, just after Look North West, when Stuart Hall was on it wi John Mundy. There they’d sing the songs from't past that the owd ‘uns all sing along to. Eee, I remember it well, all’t classics such as
‘Down’t Pit, Down’t Mill, Down’t t’hole int’ ground’
‘Favver, has tha seen me cap?’
‘Ee, I think thas got rickets!’
’Giz Six pints o’mild, I’is planning to get ratted’
In recent times there’s bin a change of line up fert Hotpots which has seen the arrival of three new members Dicky Ticker, Bernard Thresher and Bob Wriggles. This injection of young blood has seen a change of direction fert group who have decided ter embrace the young ‘uns and try and get them into our traditional music. It’s hard getting them to listen mind, one minute they want folk on, the next minute its folk off!!
So the lads has written them a new style of folk song just fer them. Its “twenty first century folk for twenty century folk” they say and they hope all young ‘uns across thi land will enjoy their new sound!
T'hotpots can recommend those Emmet lads if tha fancies a bit o' that rumpy thumpty dance music.
I Fear Ikea
The Lancashire Hotpots Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
It's blue and it's yellow but I always see red
It's a furniture store that makes me want to shout
'Cos once you've entered, you can't find your way out!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
And that doesn't include th'hour sat on't M62
If you go of a Wednesday, well it just makes you laugh
It's the size of Belgium but there's no bloody staff!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
It's a good 10 mile walk if you just want a shelf.
Hang on, you want me to go in th' warehouse and pick it meself?
Well I struggled wi' trolley I didn't get very far
And the boxes were that big they didn't fit in the car!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
Michael Palin he's traveled the world once or twice
They said 'Why don't you explore Ikea Michael? That'd be nice'
Well the men at the Beeb must have been off their heads
He went missing a week ago between kitchens and beds!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
The Lancashire Hotpots's song "I Fear Ikea" is a humorous take on the stereotypical, overwhelming experience of shopping at the popular furniture store. The lyrics describe the dread and frustration of entering Ikea, with its blue and yellow colors causing the singer to see red. The store's maze-like layout, lack of staff, and massive size all contribute to the singer's fear of never finding a way out. The frustration of trying to find and transport an item from the store also adds to the comedic tone of the song. The lyrics also reference Michael Palin, suggesting even a seasoned traveler like him would get lost in the labyrinthine store.
Overall, the song captures the common sentiment that, although Ikea may offer stylish and affordable furniture, the shopping experience itself can be a daunting and overwhelming task.
Line by Line Meaning
Now let me tell of a shop that fills me with dread
I am about to tell you about a store that makes me very scared.
It's blue and it's yellow but I always see red
The store is colored blue and yellow, but it makes me so angry that I see red instead.
It's a furniture store that makes me want to shout
The store sells furniture, but it makes me so frustrated that I want to scream.
'Cos once you've entered, you can't find your way out!
Once you enter the store, it is so big and confusing that it's hard to find your way back out.
That's why I fear Ikea
This is why I am scared of Ikea.
I won't go there again
I will never go back to that store again.
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
I do not want a bookcase with a common name like Billy.
Or a table called Sven
I also do not want a table with a name as stereotypically Swedish as Sven.
Just don't go of a Satdee if you don't want fer queue
If you do not want to wait in a long line, avoid going to Ikea on a Saturday.
And that doesn't include th'hour sat on't M62
Additionally, the time spent waiting in traffic on the M62 is not factored into that wait time.
If you go of a Wednesday, well it just makes you laugh
Going to Ikea on a Wednesday is funny because the store is so large but there are no employees there to help you.
It's the size of Belgium but there's no bloody staff!
The store is so big that it is comparable in size to a country like Belgium, but there are not enough employees to help customers navigate it.
It's a good 10 mile walk if you just want a shelf.
If you only need a small item like a shelf, you still have to walk a long distance to find it in the large store.
Hang on, you want me to go in th' warehouse and pick it meself?
You want me to go into the warehouse and pick out the item myself?
Well I struggled wi' trolley I didn't get very far
I had a hard time pushing a cart around and did not get very far in my shopping.
And the boxes were that big they didn't fit in the car!
The boxes I purchased were so large that they did not fit in my car.
Michael Palin he's traveled the world once or twice
Michael Palin is a well-traveled person who has been around the world multiple times.
They said 'Why don't you explore Ikea Michael? That'd be nice'
Someone suggested that Michael Palin should explore Ikea as part of his travels.
Well the men at the Beeb must have been off their heads
The people at the BBC who made that suggestion must have been making a joke or not in their right mind.
He went missing a week ago between kitchens and beds!
Michael Palin got lost and disappeared while exploring Ikea's many kitchen and bedroom displays.
Contributed by Aaliyah M. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@daphy8378
As a staff in IKEA, I can't agree with you more, haha!
@Huntermoody
Well you will go there again if you’re staff 😂
@edwardpiously140
IKEA behaviour police would like to know your location
Hej Sven
@belkatron
As a swede, I must say... You guys are completely right! The stores are the embodiment of fear.
@thelancashirehotpots
Thanks 😊
@barbarapugh5662
You've made my other half a very happy man ! He fears them so much he calls the catalogue The Devil's pamphlet and categorically refuses to even consider going there
@thelancashirehotpots
😂😂
@skeletor1779
This is one of the most relatable songs ever
@mickeyluv74
Always sing this every time I go past the Warrington one.
@JonnyInfinite
Like a bloody labyrinth