Not Alone
The Tossers Lyrics

I remember the rosary, the Catechism and the stations of the cross
I recall learning religious traditions and practices from my upbringing

the plenary indulgence and i know it isn't this
I also know that these rituals don't provide true healing for my trauma

Depression and nightmares and panic through and through
My trauma has caused me to experience ongoing mental health struggles

Although i have been successful, there is always more to d.
Despite my achievements, I know there is still healing and growth needed

There are many things i know i have done to help me to survive
I have developed coping mechanisms to help me through difficult times

but i will never tell anyone as long as i am alive
I keep these coping mechanisms private and personal

It seems at times there is no way out, not any to escape
I feel trapped and unable to escape my trauma

because of abuse and turmoil and trauma and of rape
My trauma stems from experiences of abuse, turmoil and sexual assault

I feel eyes upon me every minute of the day
I experience constant anxiety and feel like I'm being watched

hiding all around me, i turn my head away
I try to avoid confronting these feelings by avoiding situations and people

I've seen them in my bedroom when i am exhausted and done
I experience traumatic flashbacks during vulnerable moments

I've been seeing them for years, but i've never told anyone
I have kept my trauma hidden and have not shared my experiences with anyone

I am walking into doors and walls 'cause i am not all there
My trauma has caused disassociation and detachment from reality

I've split from a reality, of what i didn't want to share
I have disassociated from my trauma and try to avoid confronting it

I can tune out conversations and with what the outside world is
I become detached from reality and avoid engaging with others

Then sex just didn't matter in my relationships
My trauma has caused me to struggle with intimacy in my relationships

You can't rely on feelings when love and trust is first betrayed
Betrayal in love and trust has caused me to struggle with trusting others

I enter sexual situations, i really didn't even want to make
I have engaged in unwanted sexual experiences due to anxiety or pressure

'Cause i was anxious, i was bored, or any non-sexual need
My trauma has caused me to engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms, including sex

When abuse is matched with affection or protection it misleads
The cycle of abuse has caused me to struggle with recognizing healthy relationships

I say, "Drop what you do and listen, 'cause now it's me that calls the shots."
I am taking control of my own healing and speaking up for my needs

This is the sign of a life of out of control adults
My experiences of trauma have been exacerbated by the actions of abusive adults

I sometimes drink to oblivion, in spite of what i know
I struggle with unhealthy coping mechanisms, including alcohol abuse

I sometimes create chaos anywhere i go
My trauma has caused me to struggle with impulsivity and creating chaos

Always anxious, always have to move to help me to forget
My trauma causes me to constantly feel anxious and avoid confronting it

feelings of little value or humiliation yet
My trauma has caused me to feel unworthy or ashamed

Because there was no one there for me, i expect people to leave
My experiences of trauma have caused me to struggle with attachment and fear of abandonment

So, i repeatedly test them and this is what you've done to me
I test people in my relationships as a way to cope with my fear of abandonment

I know they way i've overworked myself has turned out positively
I have found some success in using work as a coping mechanism

and that many other people don't have my opportunities
I recognize that my privilege and opportunity is not shared by everyone

but goodness, yeah, you can make it, You are well on your way to heal
I believe in my own ability to heal and move past my trauma

because you already know it, and you already know the deal
I recognize the steps I need to take in order to heal and move past my trauma

You are not alone, this is sadism, and this is not your fault
I want others to know that they are not alone in their struggle with trauma and that it is not their fault

And who would choose to live through this, so it is not yours at all
No one would willingly choose to experience trauma, so it is not their fault

and you know this was given to you, so let's put it out of your home
Trauma was forced upon me, so it is not a part of me and can be overcome

and you know that this is not yours, and you are not alone...you are not alone
I want others to know that their trauma does not define them and they do not experience it alone