Theme from "Cheers"
Titus Andronicus Lyrics

I'm sorry, Mama, but I've been drinking again
I apologize to my mother for drinking alcohol again.

Me and the old man got us a head start on the weekend
My father and I started the weekend early by drinking alcohol.

And rest assured, tonight I'm going to be in Kevin's basement with all my friends
I will be spending the night with my friends in Kevin's basement tonight.

Provided we can get, get our lazy asses down to Bottle King by ten
Assuming we make it to the liquor store before it closes at ten.

And the walk home is going to be a real shit show
The walk home will be a mess due to our excessive drinking.

I'll be picking up half-smoked cigarette butts all up and down Rock Road
I will be collecting partially-smoked cigarette butts on Rock Road.

And then to throw up in the warm glow of the traffic light
I will vomit while standing under the warm light of a traffic signal.

But I'm gonna put the devil inside to sleep if it takes all night
I will try to calm my inner demons no matter how long it takes.

So let's get fucked up, and let's pretend we're all okay
Let's drink excessively and pretend that everything is fine.

And if you've got something that you can't live with
If you have an issue that is difficult to deal with.

Save it for another day, all right?
Deal with it another time and not while drinking.

I'm sorry, Mama, but expect a call from the neighbors tonight
Anticipating neighbors calling my mother due to my loud and rowdy friends visiting.

All of my asshole buddies are coming over and they're feeling a little too all right
My friends are feeling excessively joyful and rowdy.

I'm sick and tired of everyone in this town being so goddamn uptight
I am annoyed by the uptight nature of people in this town.

But don't you worry, I'll do all the talking when they turn on the flashing lights
I will handle the situation when the police arrive and turn on their sirens.

When I'm an old man, I can be the quiet type
When I am old, I will be quiet and calm.

And I can go without a moment of fun for the rest of my life
I am willing to relinquish fun for the remainder of my life.

I can read a good book, and I can be in bed by ten
I can read good books and go to bed early.

And I can get up early, go to work and come home, and start it all over again
I can have a regular routine of work, home, and sleep.

But while we're young, boys, everybody raise your glasses high
While we are young, let's raise our glasses in celebration.

Singing, 'Here's to the good times, here's to the home team
Rejoicing in the good times and the people we hold dear.

Kiss the good times goodbye, oh yeah
Eventually, we will say goodbye to the good times and move on.

I need a timeout, I need an escape from reality
I need a break and relief from the real world.

Or else I need eternal darkness and death, I need an exit strategy
I need a way out from the hardships of life, possibly involving death.

Down in North Carolina, I could have been a productive member of society
If I lived in North Carolina, I had the potential to contribute positively to society.

But these New Jersey cigarettes and all they require have made a fucking junkie out of me
The cigarettes in New Jersey and the associated lifestyle have made me an addict.

So give me a Guinness, give me a Keystone Light
I want a Guinness beer or Keystone Light beer.

Give me a kegger on a Friday night
I want to attend a keg party on a Friday night.

Give me anything but another year in exile
I do not want to spend another year in isolation or solitude.

I need a whiskey, I need a whiskey, I need a whiskey right now
I want whiskey urgently and repeatedly.

God knows how many times I've said this before
I have expressed this desire many times before.

But I really don't feel like doing this anymore
I no longer have the desire to continue this lifestyle.

So hey, Andy, let's turn into dirty old men
Let's become old men with unconventional or improper behavior, Andy.

Close down the bar every night at the Glen Rock Inn
We will frequent the bar at Glen Rock Inn and stay until closing time.

Talk about our grandkids as we stroke our grey bears
We will discuss our grandchildren while rubbing our grey beards.

Funny we're still doing carbombs after all of these years
It is amusing that we still drink carbombs despite our age and experience.

And I know there are bicycles waiting to ride
I am aware that there are other hobbies or activities to participate in.

But I could swear I heard voices from the other side, saying
I believe that I heard a call or message from beyond.

"Wait until you see the whites of their eyes"
The message I heard could imply readiness for a confrontation.

And now that I'm older, I look back and say
Now that I am old, I reflect and remark.

"What the fuck was it for anyway?"
I question the point or purpose of my past actions and experiences.

For those dreams are lying in the still of the grave
My dreams and aspirations are buried with those who have passed away.

What the fuck were they for anyway?
What was the point or purpose of my dreams and aspirations?

So let it be on a stretcher if I get carried away
If I lose control, I accept the consequences, even if it requires a stretcher.

"What the fuck was it for anyway?"
Once again, I question the purpose or point of my past actions and experiences.

What the fuck was it for anyway?
Once again, I question the purpose or point of my past actions and experiences.