Sweet Transvestite
Tom Hewitt Lyrics

How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman
Greetings, it appears that you have met my loyal assistant

He's just a little brought down because when you knocked, he thought you were the candyman.
He's slightly disappointed because he mistook you for the person bringing the sweets.

Don't get strung out by the way that I look, don't judge a book by its cover
Don't be anxious about my appearance, or prejudge me based on what you see on the surface.

I'm not much of a man by the light of day, but by night I'm one hell of a lover
I'm not as impressive in the daytime, but after nightfall, I'm an exceptional lover.

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.
I'm a kind transvestite from the regions of Transexual and Transylvania

So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
Let me take you on a tour and perhaps show you some music

Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal, we could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
If you're looking for something that isn't too unpleasant to look at, we can go watch an old Steve Reeves movie.

I'm glad we caught you at home, could we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry. We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car. We don't want to be any worry.
I'm relieved we found you at your place. May we use your phone? We're pressed for time. We'll inform our location and leave immediately. We don't want to cause you any disturbance.

So you got caught with a flat, well, how about that? Well babies, don't you panic.
You've had the misfortune of getting a flat tire, what a shame. But don't worry too much.

By the light of the night when it all seems alright, I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
In the evening when everything seems calm, I'll get you a skilled mechanic.

So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite? I could show you my favourite obsession. I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan and he's good for relieving my tension
Why not spend the night or have a meal? I can present you with my favorite hobby. I've been creating a man with fair hair and skin, and he helps me ease my stress.

So come up to the lab. And see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici... pation! But maybe the rain isn't really to blame
Thus, let's proceed up to my laboratory and inspect what is lying on the table. I observe that you're shivering with anticipation! However, the rain is possibly not the main cause of that.

So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.
I'll eliminate the origin, but not the manifestation of the shiver you feel.