Funky Cold Medina
Tone-Loc meets Z.Z. Bros Lyrics

Cold coolin' at a bar, and I'm lookin' for some action
I'm just hanging out at a bar, hoping to meet someone new

But like Mike Jagger said, I can't get no satisfaction
I'm not having much luck finding anyone who's interested in me

The girls are all around, but none of them want to get with me
There are a lot of women here, but none of them are interested in me

My threads are fresh and I'm lookin' def, yo, what's up with L-o-see?
I'm dressed nicely and feeling confident, but still no one seems interested in me

The girls is all jockin' at the other end of the bar
All the women seem to be ignoring me and talking to someone else instead

Havin' drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I'm the star
They're talking to some random guy instead of me, even though I'm famous

So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
I decided to go over to the other side of the bar to see if I had better luck there

I asked the guy, "Why you so fly?" he said, "Funky Cold Medina"
I asked the guy why he seemed so cool and he told me about this drink called the Funky Cold Medina

This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks
I learned a secret from this guy on how to attract more women

Put a little Medina in your glass, and the girls'll come real quick
If you put some Medina in your drink, women will be attracted to you

It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac
This Medina is more effective at attracting women than any other substance

A couple of sips of this love potion, and she'll be on your lap
Just a few sips of this drink and women will be all over you

So I gave some to my dog when he began to beg
I even gave some of this drink to my dog when he was begging for it

Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg
After my dog drank the Medina, he became very frisky and started humping my leg

He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
My dog used to be aggressive, but now he's much calmer after drinking the Medina

But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina
Other dogs in the neighborhood are now coming to my house to drink the Medina and become calmer

I went up to this girl, she said, "Hi, my name is Sheena"
I approached a woman named Sheena and introduced myself

I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
I assumed that Sheena would be attracted to me if I offered her some of the Medina

She said, "I'd like a drink," I said, "Ehm - ok, I'll go get it"
Sheena accepted my offer for a drink and I went to get her some Medina

Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
After a few sips of the drink, Sheena seemed interested in me

So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
I took Sheena back to my place and things were going as I had hoped

But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
To my surprise, Sheena turned out to be a man when they undressed

So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
I kicked him out because I'm not interested in men

Back in the saddle, lookin' for a little affection
I'm trying to get back in the swing of things and find someone new

I took a shot as a contestant on "The Love Connection"
I decided to go on a TV show to try and find a date

The audience voted, and you know they picked a winner
The audience chose my date for me

I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner
I took my date to a fancy hotel to have some drinks and dinner

She had a few drinks, I'm thinkin' soon what I'll be gettin'
I was hopeful that things would turn out well with my date after she had a few drinks

Instead she started talkin' 'bout plans for our weddin'
To my surprise, my date started talking about getting married

I said, "Wait, slow down, love, not so fast says, I'll be seein' ya"
I told her that she was moving too fast and it wasn't going to work out between us

That's why I found you don't play around with the Funky Cold Medina
I learned my lesson and realized that the Medina isn't a surefire way to attract women