Funky Cold Medina
Tone Loc Lyrics

Cold coolin at a bar, and I'm lookin for some action
I was relaxing at a bar, hoping to meet someone exciting.

But like Mike Jagger said, I can't get no satisfaction
However, I wasn't having any luck, as none of the girls seemed interested in me.

The girls are all around, but none of them want to get with me
There were plenty of women present, but none of them found me attractive.

My threads are fresh and I'm lookin def, yo, what's up with L-o-see?
Despite my stylish attire, I couldn't understand why the ladies weren't interested in me.

The girls is all jockin at the other end of the bar
I noticed that the girls were all gathered at the opposite end of the bar.

Havin drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I'm the star
They were drinking with an average guy, even though I was the famous one there.

So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
To get closer to the ladies, I decided to move to the other side of the bar.

I asked the guy, "Why you so fly?" he said, "Funky Cold Medina"
I asked a man why he was so popular with women, and he revealed that it was due to his use of a special drink called the Funky Cold Medina.

This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks
The man then shared the secret to his success with me.

Put a little Medina in your glass, and the girls'll come real quick
He told me to add some of the Funky Cold Medina to my own drink, and I'd have better luck with the ladies.

It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac
According to him, the Funky Cold Medina was more effective than any other love potion or alcohol.

A couple of sips of this love potion, and she'll be on your lap
He claimed that a few sips of the Funky Cold Medina would make women more attracted to me.

So I gave some to my dog when he began to beg
To test the man's claims, I gave some of the Funky Cold Medina to my dog when he begged for some of my drink.

Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg
I was surprised to see that my dog's behavior quickly changed after consuming the Funky Cold Medina, as he became extremely excited and even humped my leg.

He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
Even my normally aggressive dog became much friendlier and calmer after drinking the Funky Cold Medina.

But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina
As word of my dog's sudden change in behavior spread, other dogs in the neighborhood started coming by looking for the love potion as well.

I went up to this girl, she said, "Hi, my name is Sheena"
Later on, I approached a woman named Sheena who caught my eye.

I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
Remembering the man's advice, I thought that Sheena might be more receptive to me if I gave her some of the drink.

She said, "I'd like a drink," I said, "Ehm - ok, I'll go get it"
When I offered her the drink, Sheena happily accepted and I went to get it for her.

Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
After just a few sips of the drink, it was clear that Sheena was becoming more interested in me.

So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
We went back to my place and things went exactly as I had hoped they would.

But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
However, when Sheena undressed, I was shocked to discover that they were actually a man.

So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
Given that I was only interested in women, I quickly ended things with Sheena and sent them on their way.

Back in the saddle, lookin for a little affection
Undeterred, I went back out looking for someone to be affectionate with.

I took a shot as a contestant on _The Love Connection_
I even tried my luck on a TV dating show, hoping to find someone to connect with.

The audience voted, and you know they picked a winner
Thankfully, I was selected as the winner of the show's dating game segment.

I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner
I took my date out for a fancy dinner and even shared some of the Funky Cold Medina with them.

She had a few drinks, I'm thinkin soon what I'll be gettin
As the night progressed and she continued to drink, I started getting excited about the possibility of us getting closer.

Instead she started talkin 'bout plans for our weddin
To my surprise, my date started talking about marriage and our future together instead of anything more immediate.

I said, "Wait, slow down, love, not so fast says, I'll be seein ya"
I realized that things were moving too quickly for me and decided to end things with the woman.

That's why I found you don't play around with the Funky Cold Medina
Ultimately, I learned that the Funky Cold Medina wasn't the solution to all my problems and that it was best to take my time with matters of the heart.