The song is three minutes and forty-four seconds long. It was inspired by a rape that occurred in LA when Amos was 21. After she performed at a bar, a patron asked her if he could have a ride home. She obliged, and he raped her at knifepoint (many journalists mistakenly state she was raped at gunpoint, possibly due to the song's title). She escaped. Years later, in London, Amos saw the film Thelma and Louise and was stirred. On the way to a show, she wrote the song in her head. That night, she performed the song a cappella.
Tori Amos explains the experience:
"I'll never talk about it at this level again but let me ask you. Why have I survived that kind of night, when other women didn't", she says. "How am I alive to tell you this tale when he was ready to slice me up? In the song I say it was 'Me and a Gun' but it wasn't a gun. It was a knife he had. And the idea was to take me to his friends and cut me up, and he kept telling me that, for hours. And if he hadn't needed more drugs I would have been just one more news report, where you see the parents grieving for their daughter". "And I was singing hymns, as I say in the song, because he told me to. I sang to stay alive. Yet I survived that torture, which left me urinating all over myself and left me paralysed for years. That's what that night was all about, mutilation, more than violation through sex". "I really do feel as though I was psychologically mutilated that night and that now I'm trying to put the pieces back together again. Through love, not hatred. And through my music. My strength has been to open again, to life, and my victory is the fact that, despite it all, I kept alive my vulnerability".
This song did not take off very well as a single, possibly given its serious subject matter; in fact, the track was not the A-side to its own single. "Silent All These Years," another song from Little Earthquakes, was the first track on this single, with "Gun" appearing third (or as the B-side on the 7" release). "Silent" was a more accessible song, and radio stations began to play that instead. Ultimately the single was re-released with nearly identical packaging but retitled as Silent All These Years.
Amos made a habit of singing this song during live appearances. In 1994, the DC Rape Crisis Center awarded Amos a Visionary award for the song and the co-creation of RAINN. Ultimately Amos stopped singing the song live in December 2001 and did not sing it live again until September 2007 (with the exception of one performance in Istanbul in August 2005).
Me and a Gun
Tori Amos Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I'm still up and driving can't go home obviously
So I'll just change direction 'cause they'll soon know where I live
And I want to live
Got a full tank and some chips
It was me
And a gun
On my back
And I sang Holly Holy as he buttoned down his pants
You can laugh
It's kind of funny
Things you think
Times like these
Like I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread for you, your friends
Your father, Mr. Ed
It was me
And a gun
And a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
And I know what this means
Me and Jesus a few years back used to hang
And he said it's your choice babe just remember
I don't think you'll be back in three days time so you choose well
Tell me what's right
Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville
It was me
And a gun
And a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
And do you know Carolina
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through your head when there's a man on your back
And you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic Cadillac
It was me
And a gun
And a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
The lyrics of Tori Amos's "Me and a Gun" tell the story of a woman who was raped at gunpoint, while driving away from a late-night event, with a man in the back of her car. This vulnerable song is a stark portrayal of the raw emotions that a rape survivor experiences.
The opening lines, "Five a.m. Friday morning Thursday night far from sleep, I'm still up, and driving, can't go home obviously," reveal the trauma and fear that accompanies such a heinous crime. The woman is in shock and disorientated, trying to escape her attacker while still grappling with the reality of what just happened. The following lines, "And I sang Holly Holy as he buttoned down his pants, you can laugh it's kind of funny, things you think times like these," highlight the coping mechanism of dissociation and making light of the situation. The lyrics beg the question: How can someone sing a Neil Diamond song while being sexually assaulted?
The song's title, "Me and a Gun," is a reference to the type of weapon the rapist used in the assault, a very personal instrument that the victim cannot escape. As the song progresses, the lyrics focus on the survivor's thoughts and feelings after the assault (e.g., "And I know what this means, me and Jesus a few years back used to hang, and he said it's your choice babe, just remember, I don't think you'll be back in three days time so you choose well, tell me what's right, is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville"). The woman questions her life choices and her place in a world where she doesn't seem to have the right to protect her body.
Line by Line Meaning
Five a.m. Friday morning Thursday night far from sleep
Unable to sleep, it's now Friday morning before dawn after a long Thursday night
I'm still up and driving can't go home obviously
Driving aimlessly, unable to return home for fear of being found
So I'll just change direction 'cause they'll soon know where I live
Changing direction to avoid being discovered and to preserve her life
And I want to live
A strong will to survive and escape danger
Got a full tank and some chips
Being well-prepared with a full tank of gas and some food while on the run
It was me
And a gun
And a man
On my back
And I sang Holly Holy as he buttoned down his pants
A traumatic experience where she was held at gunpoint by a man, while singing to distract herself as he was committing a sexual assault
You can laugh
It's kind of funny
Things you think
Times like these
A dark sense of humor regarding the unusual thoughts that arise in moments of crisis
Like I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread for you, your friends
Your father, Mr. Ed
Being held at gunpoint does not justify being sexually assaulted because of what she wore, and she will not comply to her assailant's demands
But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
The urgency to escape and survive is greater than any other desire
And I know what this means
Me and Jesus a few years back used to hang
And he said it's your choice babe just remember
I don't think you'll be back in three days time so you choose well
Tell me what's right
Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville
The deep-seated belief of personal agency, influenced by her past conversations with Jesus, and questioning the morality of the situation she was in
And do you know Carolina
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through your head when there's a man on your back
And you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic Cadillac
The way her mind wanders to more pleasant memories while facing a traumatic situation, and being uncomfortable and helpless when forced down onto the ground
I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this
A repeated statement to emphasize the importance of survival above all else
Lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing
Written by: TORI ELLEN AMOS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind