The Exchange
Torres Lyrics

My mother lost her mother twice
The singer's mother experienced the loss of her own mother twice in her lifetime.

Once in ’54, then later in life
The mother lost her own mother in 1954, and then later experienced another loss of her mother again in her life.

The exchange was quick and quiet
The transfer of information or documents related to the loss was done discretely and rapidly.

The records sealed, the names made private
The details of the lost relatives were kept confidential, and their names were kept anonymous.

Her search began and ended with a judge
The artist's mother sought out the truth about her lost family members through legal action, and the judge presided over the case.

Her papers had been claimed in a freak basement flood
The documents and papers related to the lost family members were damaged or destroyed in an unexpected basement flood.

An entire family tree
The singer's mother had lost not just one relative, but an entire lineage of family members.

An eternal privacy
The confidential details related to the lost relatives would remain hidden forever.

Underwater, Underwater
The artist delivers these lyrics repeatedly throughout the song as a metaphor for feeling drowned and trapped in her emotions and experiences.

I am afraid to see my heroes age
The artist is scared to see the people she looks up to and admires experience the inevitable effects of aging.

I am afraid of disintegration
The singer feels a sense of inner collapse and deterioration in the face of changes and aging.

If you’re not here, I cannot be here for you
The artist relies heavily on the presence of her loved ones to continue moving through life.

If you’re not here, I cannot be alone
The singer does not have the capacity to be by herself and function without the support of others.

Mother, father
The singer addresses her parents throughout the song, perhaps as a way to reach out to them for support.

And I don’t think you can pull me out of this
Despite seeking support from loved ones, the singer is uncertain if anyone can truly help her escape her emotional turmoil.

There’s virgin oil painted over my door
Virgin oil suggest a sense of purity, and this line may reference the artist's desire for a fresh start or a new beginning.

And hotel soap from every city
The artist collects soaps from her travels, perhaps suggesting a longing for a sense of home and comfort while on the road.

Lined up in my window
The singer displays these items in her window, suggesting that they serve as reminders of her past experiences and her search for comfort in the present.

Blew my per diem on an eighth of Blue Dream
The singer uses her daily travel allowance to buy a specific strain of marijuana, perhaps suggesting a desire to escape or cope through substance use.

So I can breathe but I still can’t breathe
The artist may feel a sense of relief from the use of drugs, but finds that ultimately they do not fully solve her problems.

Around my mouth, brown paper bag
This may suggest that the artist is hyperventilating and needs to use a bag to regulate her breathing.

Founding fathers on my back
The artist may feel the weight and burden of history and the past on her shoulders and in her life.

I’m no martyr, I’m just
The singer clarifies that she is not a martyr or suffering for a greater cause, but simply experiencing her own personal issues.

I’ve so much that I want to sing
The artist has a desire and need to express herself through music and song.

But there’s no room for toothbrushes and poetry, I
Despite her desire to create and sing, the singer may feel limited by the realities of daily life and the mundane tasks that come with it.

Pray to Jesus Christ incessantly, I
The singer may turn to religion or faith as a way to cope with her troubles and seek guidance.

Shine my shoes for the Fat Lady, I’m still
The singer seems to engage in ritual actions, such as shining her shoes, perhaps as a way to bring order and control to her life.

I will no longer claim to know
The artist concedes that she does not have all the answers and cannot fully understand or control her own life and experiences.

Where we go when it’s time to go
The artist is uncertain what will happen to her and her loved ones when they reach the end of their lives.

But when you go, will I go too?
The singer may fear losing those she loves and wonders if she will follow them when they are gone.

And I don’t think you can pull me out of this
The singer repeats this line once again, emphasizing her sense of hopelessness and uncertainty in the face of her struggles.