Kivilaan's joining the group jeopardised their representing Switzerland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2005. When Kivilaan joined the group she was only 15 years old, and due to participants such as 1986's Sandra Kim, the Eurovision had set an age requirement that all participants must be at least 16. For a while it looked like the group would have to withdraw, but the fact that Kivilaan would turn 16 four months before the event meant that the European Broadcasting Union allowed the girls to compete.
Despite Maarja Kivi completing her pregnancy successfully in September 22, 2004, Kivilaan remained in the group, with Kivi not showing any in particular interest in returning to the group. Kivilaan would eventually leave Vanilla Ninja in December 2005, with the other three members (Lenna Kuurmaa, Katrin Siska and Piret Järvis) deciding to continue as a trio. The reasons given by the group when announcing the decision was that Kivilaan had left by "mutual consent", and that creative differences were the main reason for her leaving.
During her time in the group, Triinu only played a bit part in Vanilla Ninja's songs, despite her replacing the group's original lead singer. Kivilaan mostly only provided backing vocals and basic instrumentation during live performances, and was essentially separated from the other three members during their semi-final and final performances at the Eurovision Song Contest 2005. Kivilaan also only appeared sparingly in the group's music videos, with the exception of "When The Indians Cry", in which she featured prominently.
After leaving Vanilla Ninja, Triinu expressed a desire to return to the music industry once she completes her studies, as a solo artist.
Awake
Triinu Kivilaan Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
trying hard to hide my tears away
I switch the light on and turn the key forever
When everything seemed to be perfect
I thought it would last a while
but life changes, the story changes for you and me
Baby, this shouldn't come to this end at all
but dreams are over, nights will get colder
you should have kept me awake- warm
Now I'm walking down the street of wisdom
Never thought that our world could ever fall apart
you built the border and made the fences growing
I feel the lack of my defence
how open minded a girl can be
now you're guilty, forever guiltu of leaving me
The lyrics of Triinu Kivilaan's song, "Awake," depict the feeling of abandonment and heartbreak after a failed relationship. The song starts with the singer sitting and feeling deserted, trying to hide her tears from the world. She switches on the light and closes the door, symbolizing how she is closing the chapter of her life with her lover forever.
She thought her world was perfect, and the love she shared with her lover would last forever. However, life is unpredictable, and everything can change in an instant. The dream has ended, and the nights will get colder, leaving her all alone. The singer, in a way, blames her lover for not keeping her “awake” and “warm” and wishes that their relationship never reached to this moment of separation.
The second verse of the song talks about the singer walking down the "street of wisdom," indicating her maturity and acceptance of the situation. She never thought that their world could fall apart so quickly. Her lover built a barrier around them, which made their relationship feel like "fences growing."
The song’s chorus repeats the line - “you should have kept me awake and warm,” making its central message clear. Love needs nurturing, and It’s necessary to keep the flame alive through the ups and downs of life.
Overall, "Awake" is a beautiful depiction of heartbreak, and it portrays the complex emotions of a person who has gone through a difficult time.
Line by Line Meaning
Sittin' here and feeling so abandoned
Feeling lonely and forsaken while sitting here all alone
trying hard to hide my tears away
Putting in effort to conceal and hold back her tears
I switch the light on and turn the key forever
Turning off the light and locking the door permanently; indicating her finality in letting go
When everything seemed to be perfect
In the past, when everything appeared to be flawless in their relationship
I thought it would last a while
Believing that it would last long
but life changes, the story changes for you and me
Life is unpredictable and ever-changing, something that affected both of them
you should have kept me awake and warm
He should have been mindful enough to keep her alert and secure
Baby, this shouldn't come to this end at all
She did not anticipate their relationship coming to this conclusion
but dreams are over, nights will get colder
Having lost her dreams and desires, the nights will now be colder and more unbearable
you should have kept me awake- warm
Reiterating that he should have taken better care of her, physically and emotionally
Now I'm walking down the street of wisdom
Picking up the pieces and gaining insight after making mistakes, in the journey of self-discovery
Never thought that our world could ever fall apart
She could never have anticipated the fall of their tight-knit world
you built the border and made the fences growing
He set up boundaries and added restrictions that gradually became larger, creating separation and division
I feel the lack of my defence
Feeling vulnerable and exposed, without any protection
how open minded a girl can be
Despite being open-minded, it still did not prevent her from being hurt
now you're guilty, forever guiltu of leaving me
He will always carry the guilt and shame of having abandoned her in the end.
Contributed by Adrian G. Suggest a correction in the comments below.