Self Defeat
Tyler James Williams Lyrics

One. I'm tripping literally, I should be dish washing
I am clumsy and prone to tripping, and I feel like I should be doing a menial task like washing dishes instead of something more challenging.

'Cause I got bowlegged knees and often they be crossing
My physical attributes make me more prone to clumsiness.

Go ahead and ask my bosses, they'll tell you that I'm clumsy
My bosses are aware of my lack of coordination and clumsiness.

I'll probably fall into your fist so you don't have to punch me.
I am so clumsy that I might accidentally fall into someone's fist and save them the effort of punching me themselves.

Two. I'm vegetarian so I don't want no beef
I am a peaceful person and avoid conflict, both literally and figuratively represented in this line.

You've lost expensive jewelry, I've lost my crooked teeth
I don't have the same material possessions as others, but I don't focus on that because I value inner beauty.

I sing in church choir, my daddy is a reverend
I come from a religious household and participate in church activities.

I tried to be a gansta but my curfew was eleven
I have tried to act cool and follow certain trends, but ultimately my upbringing and values have held me back.

Three. I drive my Vespa through the streets and wear my helmet proud
I value safety and practicality over flashy displays of toughness or coolness, represented by my responsible Vespa driving and helmet-wearing.

I do my homework every night then come to this rowdy crowd
I prioritize my education and responsibilities, even if it means not fully fitting in with the people around me.

I signed a full-on battle, filled in all the basics
I have committed to something, likely a battle rap, with full confidence and enthusiasm.

But when they saw it was me, they put me on the waiting list
Others do not take me seriously or consider me a legitimate competitor, causing me to doubt myself and my abilities.

Four. I run from bullies in the streets, I don't know how to fight
I am not confrontational and do not have the skills to defend myself in physical altercations.

I don't throw lefts or rights I just slap, sprint, and write
I do not have the typical masculine traits and instead rely on more feminine traits like quickness and creativity.

I'm skinny, all scrawny arms and a tiny chest
I am physically weak and do not have the physique that is commonly associated with toughness or strength.

Shoot I could hide behind that pole if I just hold my breath
I lack confidence and feel powerless, even to the point of thinking I could hide behind a pole if I tried.

Five. My apron looks like a dress
I am femininely dressed and working in a traditionally female role.

I could twirl around like a pretty princess
In my job, I am able to find joy and beauty in small things.

I'm not a busboy, I'm a waitress
I take pride in my job and reject the idea that certain roles are beneath me because of societal or gendered expectations.

But I can't get the drink right, taste test
I am limited in my abilities and make mistakes, even in my job as a waitress.

Let me find who's around, those your guests
I am searching for some kind of social connection or friendship, as I do not seem to have a group of my own.

My hand got sweaty and I lost my grip
I am nervous and unsure of how to act in social situations, causing me to make mistakes or feel uncomfortable.

My shoes don't fit, they hand me down
I have limited resources and access to new things, which is reflected in my ill-fitting shoes.

From the Salvation Army right downtown
I am likely from a low-income or disadvantaged neighborhood, as reflected in getting shoes from a charitable organization.

When I walk into the room, the lights go down
I feel invisible and unimportant, as if people do not care enough to notice me.

I'm so ugly, mom won't hug me
I have low self-esteem and do not receive encouragement or validation from those closest to me.

And that's to tell you about it
I am expressing insecurity and vulnerability in the context of the song.

I'm beating myself, something you couldn't do
I am so insecure and self-critical that I am tearing myself down, which is a worse punishment than anything someone else could do to me.