Nightmare
URBAN-CITY Lyrics

I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life
I am acutely aware of all the damage and destruction that my life has experienced and bear witness to it.

I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind
I must acknowledge the dangerous thoughts and feelings that reside within me.

They talk shit, but I love it every time
I derive satisfaction from hearing negative opinions about me.

And I realize
I come to understand that my experiences have shaped who I am.

I've tasted blood and it is sweet
I have had moments of causing harm to others and found it gratifying.

I've had the rug pulled beneath my feet
I have experienced unexpected and jarring changes in my life.

I've trusted lies and trusted men
I have put faith in untruthful people and suffered as a result.

Broke down and put myself back together again
I have experienced moments of emotional collapse, but have rebuilt myself.

Stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters
I have experienced moments of self-loathing and wanted to physically harm myself.

Collected the pieces and picked out a dagger
I have gathered and held onto things that could harm others or myself.

I've pinched my skin in between my two fingers
I have engaged in self-harm by using my fingers to cause pain.

And wished I could cut some parts off with some scissors
I have had moments of wanting to remove parts of myself from my body.

"Come on, little lady, give us a smile"
People have expected me to conform to societal norms and appear cheerful, regardless of my true emotions.

No, I ain't got nothin' to smile about
I do not feel any joy or happiness to warrant a smile.

I got no one to smile for, I've waited a while for
I do not have anyone in my life who inspires me to feel happy or joyful.

A moment to say I don't owe you a goddamn thing
I assert my independence and do not feel as though I owe anyone anything.

I'm no sweet dream, but I'm a hell of a night
I am not a naive or innocent person, but I have strong potential to make an impact.

No, I won't smile, but I'll show you my teeth
I will not pretend to be happy, but instead will show my true emotions which may be confrontational or aggressive.

And I'mma let you speak if you just let me breathe
I will allow others to speak and share their ideas only if they do not infringe on my ability to express myself and exist freely.

I've been polite, but won't be caught dead
I have acted cordially and respectfully, but will not compromise my beliefs or values, even if it means losing my life.

Letting a man tell me what I should do in my bed
I do not allow men to dictate or control my sexual experiences or preferences.

Keep my exes in check in my basement
I maintain control and power over past romantic relationships by keeping mementos and reminders of them in a private space.

'Cause kindness is weakness, or worse, you're complacent
Being kind or submissive can be seen as a weakness or can lead to complacency in life.

I could play nice or I could be a bully
I have the ability to choose how others perceive me - either as kind or as a bully.

I'm tired and angry, but somebody should be
I am exhausted and furious with the state of society and believe that someone needs to be taking action.

"Come on, little lady, give us a smile"
People continue to demand that I appear happy and satisfying to their expectations.

I'm no sweet dream, but I'm a hell of a night
I may not fit into the traditional definition of purity and innocence, but I have remarkable potential to make a significant impact.

Someone like me can be a real nightmare
Individuals with my personality and experiences may be perceived as threatening and frightening.

Completely aware
I am fully cognizant of my behavior and actions, even if they may be seen as unacceptable by others.

But I'd rather be a real nightmare
I choose to embrace and embody aspects of myself that may be considered dark or frightening.

Than die unaware, yeah
I would rather be fully aware of my true self and live authentically rather than live a life of ignorance and conformity.

So save me your prayers
I do not need or want others to pray for me or wish me well in a typical sense.