Don't Put Your Daughter On The Stage Mrs Worthington
Vic Reeves Lyrics
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Of Wednesday the 23rd,
Although your baby
May be,
Keen on a stage career,
How can I make it clear,
That this in not a good idea.
For her to hope,
Is on the face of it absurd,
Her personality
Is not in reality
Inviting enough,
Exciting enough
For this particular sphere.
Refrain 1
Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage,
The profession is overcrowded
And the struggle's pretty tough
And admitting the fact
She's burning to act,
That isn't quite enough.
She has nice hands, to give the wretched girl her due,
But don't you think her bust is too
Developed for her age?
I repeat
Mrs. Worthington,
Sweet
Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
Refrain 2
Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage,
She's a bit of an ugly duckling
You must honestly confess,
And the width of her seat
Would surely defeat
Her chances of success,
It's a loud voice, and though it's not exactly flat,
She'll need a little more than that
To earn a living wage.
On my knees,
Mrs. Worthington,
Please
Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
Refrain 3
Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage,
Though they said at the school of acting
She was lovely as Peer Gynt,
I'm afraid on the whole
An ingénue role
Would emphasize her squint,
She's a big girl, and though her teeth are fairly good
She's not the type I ever would
Be eager to engage,
No more buts,
Mrs. Worthington,
NUTS,
Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
(Song normally ends here, but there is another refrain)
Refrain 4
Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage,
One look at her bandy legs should prove
She hasn't got a chance,
In addition to which
The son of a bitch
Can neither sing nor dance,
She's a vile girl and uglier than mortal sin,
One look at her has put me in
A tearing bloody rage,
That sufficed
Mrs. Worthington,
Christ!
Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
Vic Reeves's song "Don't Put Your Daughter On The Stage, Mrs. Worthington," is a satirical piece warning a mother against putting her daughter on the stage. The song is set in a 1930s musical hall and sees Reeves, often switching between two different personas (a paternal-style figure and a more feminine character), try to dissuade Mrs. Worthington from allowing her daughter to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. He argues that her daughter's personality is not suitable for such a career, pointing out that she is not exciting enough or inviting enough for the entertainment profession. Reeves' narration is very tongue-in-cheek, reminiscent of a parent giving advice to their rebellious child, while Mrs. Worthington is portrayed to be too keen on the idea of her daughter's stardom to see reason.
The song's lyrics humorously poke fun at the entertainment industry's selection criteria: physical and performance attributes, such as the size of a performer's bust, how attractive they are, or even the size of their seat, while at the same time raising broader questions about the industry's attitudes towards performers. Indeed, the song manages to be humorous while also highlighting the issues of sexism and discrimination at the heart of the entertainment industry. It is difficult not to read "Don't Put Your Daughter On The Stage, Mrs. Worthington" as a prescient warning about the pitfalls that entertainment industry figures might befall in their pursuit of stardom.
Line by Line Meaning
Regarding yours, dear Mrs. Worthington,
Addressing you, Mrs. Worthington,
Of Wednesday the 23rd,
On the specific date of Wednesday the 23rd,
Although your baby
Even though your daughter
May be,
Perhaps
Keen on a stage career,
Interested in pursuing a career on stage
How can I make it clear,
Let me explain
That this in not a good idea.
It's not a good idea
For her to hope,
Your daughter's aspirations
Dear Mrs. Worthington,
Oh Mrs. Worthington,
Is on the face of it absurd,
Seems unlikely
Her personality
Your daughter's character
Is not in reality
In truth, is not
Inviting enough,
Attractive enough
Exciting enough
Interesting enough
For this particular sphere.
For this particular field of work
Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,
Mrs. Worthington, please don't let your daughter become an actress
The profession is overcrowded
The acting profession is full of competition
And the struggle's pretty tough
It's a tough and difficult path
And admitting the fact
Although it's true
She's burning to act,
She has a strong desire to act
That isn't quite enough.
It takes more than just desire to succeed
She has nice hands, to give the wretched girl her due,
To be fair, your daughter has nice hands
But don't you think her bust is too
However, don't you think her chest is too
Developed for her age?
Big for her age?
I repeat
I'll say it again
Mrs. Worthington,
Oh Mrs. Worthington,
Sweet
Kind
Mrs. Worthington,
Dear Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
Please don't let your daughter become an actress.
She's a bit of an ugly duckling
Your daughter is not conventionally attractive
You must honestly confess,
Let's be honest
And the width of her seat
And the size of her hips
Would surely defeat
Would prevent her from succeeding
Her chances of success,
Her probability of success
It's a loud voice, and though it's not exactly flat,
She has a loud voice, but it's not exactly melodic
She'll need a little more than that
She'll need other skills besides her voice
To earn a living wage.
To make a living as an actress
On my knees,
Begging you
Mrs. Worthington,
Oh Mrs. Worthington,
Please
I implore you
Mrs. Worthington,
Dear Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
Please don't let your daughter become an actress.
Though they said at the school of acting
Although they said at the acting school
She was lovely as Peer Gynt,
She was good in the school production of Peer Gynt
I'm afraid on the whole
But unfortunately
An ingénue role
A young, innocent role
Would emphasize her squint,
Would highlight her eye condition
She's a big girl, and though her teeth are fairly good,
She is a large girl, and although her teeth are decent,
She's not the type I ever would
She's not the type of actress that I would ever
Be eager to engage,
Be enthusiastic to hire
No more buts,
No more ifs or buts,
Mrs. Worthington,
Oh Mrs. Worthington,
NUTS,
I'm at my wit's end,
Mrs. Worthington,
Please Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
Please don't let your daughter become an actress.
One look at her bandy legs should prove
One glance at her bowed legs should demonstrate
She hasn't got a chance,
She doesn't have a chance
In addition to which
Furthermore
The son of a bitch
I'm mad about this situation
Can neither sing nor dance,
She can't sing or dance either
She's a vile girl and uglier than mortal sin,
She's an unpleasant girl and very unattractive
One look at her has put me in
Just one glance at her has caused me to feel
A tearing bloody rage,
Extremely angry and frustrated
That sufficed
That's enough
Mrs. Worthington,
Oh Mrs. Worthington,
Christ!,
Oh dear!
Mrs. Worthington,
Please Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage.
Please don't let your daughter become an actress.
Contributed by Maria S. Suggest a correction in the comments below.