Disorder
Will Oldham Lyrics


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It's Lisa, or Laura, I know not her real name
Which is probably pretty or something the same
With her I spoke under, and lived under fed
Without her I hang now, without her instead

We die many times, and each new infancy
Is a surprise ; that I have the tendencey
To look over when it suits me, and decry when not
When I am sailing, or when things go well

Where this vision of death comes, she always leaves
And I bury my head in my billowy sleeves
To marvel at how I must face my own fate
Or deny it, more likely, until it's too late

When I could have kept on at her, with her, inside of her
Instead of letting her weakness successfully hide her
Her weakness and mine, the death of us both
I was more violent, and she was more loath

To see in me a promise of what I could give
And I to see in her a reason to live
Which was past just a symbol of woman and luck
That I would never be lacking for something to fuck

And one to fuck over when things would decide
That it was once again time to go for a ride




We felt we must seize the weather, and never the whim
To be led by the other and not the whithin

Overall Meaning

In Will Oldham's song "Disorder", he sings about a woman he refers to as Lisa or Laura. He doesn't know her real name, but imagines it to be pretty. He describes their relationship as one where he spoke to her while living underfed, but now hangs without her. He reflects on the way we go through multiple "infancies" in life, and his tendency to only look over his shoulder at the past when it suits him. When things are going well, he tends to ignore the past, but when he is sailing through life's challenges, he is more likely to focus on what he could have done differently.


As the song progresses, he reflects on his relationship with Lisa/Laura and how their weaknesses ultimately led to the "death of us both". He regrets not being able to continue on with her, inside of her, instead of letting their weaknesses hide them from each other. He acknowledges that they both saw in each other something they needed - a reason to live or something to "f***". In the end, he realizes that they both wanted to be led by the other instead of following their own inner voice. The song is a reflection on missed opportunities and the inability to connect with others.


Line by Line Meaning

It's Lisa, or Laura, I know not her real name
I can't recall her name, but it doesn't matter since it's probably something beautiful or similar.


With her I spoke under, and lived under fed
I shared my life and conversations with her, and she provided me with sustenance.


Without her I hang now, without her instead
Now that she's gone, I feel lost and don't know what to do with myself.


We die many times, and each new infancy
We experience multiple deaths and rebirths throughout our lives.


Is a surprise ; that I have the tendencey
These rebirths catch me off guard, but I am used to them.


To look over when it suits me, and decry when not
I often reflect on my past experiences when it benefits me but avoid thinking about them when it doesn't.


When I am sailing, or when things go well
I usually only think about my past when I am feeling content or successful in the present.


Where this vision of death comes, she always leaves
Whenever I contemplate my mortality, she disappears from my thoughts.


And I bury my head in my billowy sleeves
I try to distract myself from my thoughts of death by hiding my face in my clothing.


To marvel at how I must face my own fate
Despite my attempts to avoid thinking about it, I can't help but contemplate how I will confront my own mortality.


Or deny it, more likely, until it's too late
However, it's more probable that I will continue to deny my mortality until it's too late to do anything about it.


When I could have kept on at her, with her, inside of her
I had the opportunity to continue my relationship with her, but I did not take advantage of it.


Instead of letting her weakness successfully hide her
Rather than supporting her through her difficulties, I allowed her vulnerability to consume her.


Her weakness and mine, the death of us both
Our shared shortcomings contributed to the end of our relationship.


I was more violent, and she was more loath
I was more aggressive towards her, while she was more hesitant and unenthusiastic.


To see in me a promise of what I could give
She saw potential in me and believed that I could provide her with something worthwhile.


And I to see in her a reason to live
I found purpose and meaning in knowing her and being with her.


Which was past just a symbol of woman and luck
Our relationship represented more than just a sexual partner or a stroke of good fortune.


That I would never be lacking for something to fuck
I believed that I would always have someone to have sex with.


And one to fuck over when things would decide
I expected to have someone to exploit or take advantage of when things didn't go my way.


That it was once again time to go for a ride
Whenever life got tough, I was always ready to jump ship and move on to the next thing.


We felt we must seize the weather, and never the whim
We believed that we needed to take control of our lives and not be swayed by unpredictable circumstances or emotions.


To be led by the other and not the within
We tried to avoid being too introspective and instead rely on each other for direction and guidance.




Contributed by Stella I. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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