redesign
awfultune Lyrics

Rain, rain go away, come again another day
I wish my problems could just disappear for a while so that I could have a break from them.

I wanna live forever but mental illness gets in the way
I want to have a long, fulfilling life, but my mental illness is making it difficult to achieve that.

I feel so compelled when mania helps itself
During manic episodes, I feel a powerful urge to engage in certain behaviors that may be harmful in the long run, but in the moment, they feel necessary or even enjoyable.

I cut my bangs and dye my hair, I do it so well
Sometimes, I try to exert control over my appearance as a way of coping with my mental illness.

Look how beautiful it is, I am not in charge of this
During moments of stability or improvement, I may feel grateful for how my life looks or feels, but I know that it's not entirely within my control.

And when I come down, I know that I'll be pissed
After a manic episode, when I'm no longer feeling energized or creative, I can become frustrated or even angry with myself for not being able to maintain that state indefinitely.

There's something inside that fucking hurts me every time
Regardless of how I look or behave on the outside, I'm struggling with an internal pain that is difficult to articulate or overcome.

I've tried every single pill to help me chill, and I'm not satisfied
I've sought treatment for my mental illness, but it hasn't always been effective in alleviating my symptoms or improving my quality of life.

One minute, I'll be fucked, and the next minute I'm fine
My moods and emotions can shift rapidly and unpredictably, which can be disorienting and distressing.

I can't believe myself, I'm overwhelmed, I think I've lost my mind
During episodes of intense emotion or instability, I may feel disconnected from my own thoughts and feelings, or as if I'm losing grip on reality altogether.

Don't romanticize my life
I don't want others to idealize or glamorize my situation or my mental illness, as it can be a painful and difficult reality to live with.

I need a redesign
I wish there were ways to reshape or reimagine my life in ways that would better account for my mental health needs and limitations.

I have the good days, good phase, feeling like I like my face
Sometimes, I experience periods of relative stability or contentment, during which I feel positively about myself and my life.

And body, taking pictures, 'cause I know I'm a hottie
During those better moments, I may feel confident and beautiful, and want to memorialize those feelings for myself or others.

Then the bad days comes in waves, feelin' like I gained weight
However, those good periods can be disrupted by sudden and intense negative emotions, such as anxiety or depression, which can exacerbate my insecurities or dissatisfaction with my appearance.

Wish I could be disembody, and be somebody else
At times, I may feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction with myself or my life, to the point that I wish I could simply escape from them altogether.

'Cause I'm unwell, I can't control myself
Ultimately, my mental illness can feel overwhelming or uncontrollable, making it difficult to function in my day-to-day life.

I'm asking for help (I'm asking for help)
Despite those challenges, I'm still willing to seek support or treatment in order to make meaningful changes in my life and manage my mental health better.