3
lynch. Lyrics

I call you from the car to say ill be there in a while
I'm currently driving and will arrive to see you soon. Just letting you know.

A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile
I'll take a plane to see you and I'm excited to see your beautiful smile.

There's nothing on the radio- I fiddle with the dial
I'm changing through radio stations because there's nothing good playing.

Then I see a sign- the airports just another mile
I noticed a sign indicating that the airport is nearby.

I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly
I'm at the airport, checking in my bags and reflecting how much I dislike flying.

And as I near security I almost start to cry
Going through airport security is causing me distress and I feel like crying.

Well I hope that law enforcement agents can't tell from my face
I'm hoping that the police officers can't recognize that I'm feeling nervous.

I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place
I'm carrying three balloons of cocaine in a place where it feels uncomfortable.

I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air
I'm anxious, sweating, and want some fresh air to calm myself down.

Cause with 4 balloons of heroin its getting crowded up in there
My hiding spot is getting cramped with four balloons of heroin.

My mind is all a jumble and my blood is cold as ice
I feel disorganized and nervous, but I'm trying to remain calm.

I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise
I'm worried about the idea of having to remove the drugs from my hiding spot.

Relax, I say, its not so bad- it might feel kinda nice
I'm trying to reassure myself that the act of removing the drugs won't be too bad, and may even feel pleasurable.

Besides, who hasn't had a finger up there ince or twice?
I'm trying to justify my hiding spot by suggesting that it's not uncommon for people to insert things there.

I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host
I'm reminding myself not to leave any drugs inside my hiding spot.

I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed
I made the mistake of leaving drugs inside someone's body before, which had serious consequences.

Well I say a little prayer- Hail Maria, Full of Grace
I'm saying a prayer to try and calm my nerves, invoking the Virgin Mary.

And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear
The drugs I'm carrying are affecting me to the point where it feels like I'm exhaling drugs into my undergarments.

I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash
I was excited and perhaps overzealous when I packed my drugs.

5 balloons of ecstasy, 6 balloons of hash
I have five balloons of MDMA and six balloons of marijuana in my possession.

8 balloons of L.S.D, 9 of sensi mild
Additionally, I'm carrying eight balloons of LSD and nine balloons of mild marijuana.

A box of chinese fireworks- a Guatemalan Child
I also have Chinese fireworks and shockingly, I mention that I have a Guatemalan child for sale.

I've made it to the gate now and my joy I can't contain
I've made it through security and to the plane's gate, and I'm feeling relieved and overjoyed.

I board the aircraft; take my seat in the cockpit of the plane
I board the plane and sit in the cockpit, excited for takeoff.

As I taxi down the runway, I get a smile on my face
During takeoff, I'm happy and smiling.

Flight crew prepare for takeoff as I lift us into air
I'm piloting the plane and about to take off.

And by the way, does anyone want to buy a Guatemalan child?
Incredibly, I end the song by repeating the disturbing offer of selling a child from Guatemala, as a joke or not.