Recording with GarageBand in her parents' guest bedroom, creating percussion tracks with hair straighteners, Maia began self-releasing songs on YouTube as "mxmtoon" in 2017. After initially attempting to write comedy songs, she began writing songs that embodied her emotions such as "feelings are fatal", which only required a USB microphone and GarageBand. The song currently has over 23 million streams on Spotify. Her 2017 collaboration with Japanese lo-fi producer peachy!, "Falling for U", reached nearly 40 million streams on Spotify by June 2019. Maia began secretly releasing music to the public, but was later compelled to tell her friends and family after experiencing viral success online. In 2018, Maia released her debut EP, plum blossom, which was reviewed by Earmilk, i-D and Hypebeast, and gained more than 100 million streams on Spotify by August 2019. The EP's single "i feel like chet" is a tribute to one of her favorite jazz musicians, Chet Baker.
After high school, Maia took a "gap year" by postponing college to focus on her music. She was planning to study architecture after graduating high school, until her music went viral in April 2018. In November 2018, she announced her "plum blossom tour". Her first tour, initially scheduled for five US shows with fellow Californian singer-songwriter khai dreams in March 2019, sold out, and was extended to include additional concerts in North America and Europe, including opening appearances for bedroom pop YouTuber Cavetown in the United Kingdom. Maia made her first appearance on a billboard in Times Square when Spotify advertised her single "dream of you" for their New Music Friday playlist.
Prior to the release of the masquerade, Spotify announced the release of 21 Days, a music podcast that follows Maia while she works on the album in New York City. Liz Gateley of Spotify praised Maia's online following as well as her social presence, stating that "She obviously has lots of followers already, but that's not enough. The person had to be the right human too, and we felt she had both." The podcast is an eight-episode audio diary that includes interviews with family, friends and collaborators, including the album's producer Cavetown.
Maia's debut studio album the masquerade was released on September 17, 2019. The album peaked at 17 on the US Heatseekers Chart and at 45 on the US Indie Albums Chart. It features "prom dress", a "light and peachy tune" described as "relatable, infectious hook-led pop that speaks to millennials". The single is inspired by experiences from her own big night and deals with social anxiety and the problems that come with being a teen in modern society. The song has been streamed over 30 million times on Spotify, and has been used in 100,000 videos on TikTok. Maia's back catalogue of songs have also received tens of millions of online streams.
Joshua Bote of Paste described the ten-track album as "comforting twee-pop that wrings out genuine pathos from mxmtoon’s internet celebrity". Matt Yuyitung of Exclaim! wrote "[Maia] brings her wry sense of humour and diary-entry lyricism to her debut record, recalling the lo-fi relatability of Frankie Cosmos."
Maia embarked on her sold out "the masquerade Tour" of North America and United Kingdom in September 2019. She released her first graphic novel "The Adventures Of Mxmtoon: The Masquerade" in October 2019. Kirsten Spruch from Billboard wrote, "The novel seamlessly pairs with the album, encapsulating her introverted, teenage tendencies and free-flowing creativity." Gabe Bergado from Teen Vogue described the book "a captivating, charming visual journey that complements the dreamy album." She released an accompanying animated short film for the graphic novel in November 2019.
In November 2019, Maia announced via Twitter that she would be joining American singer-songwriter Lauv for his 2020 summer tour of Asia supporting his album how i'm feeling.
On November 19, 2019, Kobalt Music Group announced that they would be signing mxmtoon to their label under a global publishing deal. This deal will include administration and creative support for current music catalogue and future works. Creative Vice-President at Kobalt, Melissa Emert-Hutner, stated "Maia is truly the voice of her generation; by sharing her beautiful, heartfelt music with the world and growing her brand organically, she exemplifies the DIY spirit and aesthetic that Kobalt embraces." Emily Bines, a senior creative director at Kobalt added "Mxmtoon is exactly the type of forward-thinking creative that we dream about working with at Kobalt. Her vision, matched with her team’s passion to bring it to fruition is unwavering. We will be hearing from Maia for a long time to come."
Maia released the masquerade (the edits) on November 22, 2019. The EP features remixes from songs on the masquerade from names like Chloe Lilac, Alexander 23 and Chloe Moriondo. In November 2019, Dork put Maia on their Hype List of 2020, alongside names like girl in red, Beabadoobee and Maisie Peters.
In December 2019, Maia re-recorded the song "prom dress" in Simlish, the fictional language used in The Sims games, to help promotion. The Simlish version was added to The Sims 4 on December 12, 2019. Maia reacted on Twitter with "countless hours of playing the sims has helped me become fluent in simlish... and guess what?? prom dress was just added to #thesims4 today!" A week later Maia released the music video for "unspoken words", which revolves around her Chinese-American upbringing as well as her relationship with her Chinese grandmother.
Maia released her first single of 2020, "Fever Dream" in January 2020.
feelings are fatal
mxmtoon Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I'm smiling for you
I'd do anything
For you, for you
It's always for you
And never for me
And I need it to stop
So let me tell you, please
I'm always sad
And I'm always lonely
But I can't tell you
That I'm breaking slowly
Closed doors
Locked in, no keys
Keeping my feelings hidden
There is no ease
I need it to stop
And I want to be able
To open up but
My feelings are fatal
My feelings are fatal
How many times must I keep it inside?
I need to let go and I swear that I've tried
But opening up means trusting others
And that's just too much, I don't want to bother
So I'll keep it inside and I'll bury it deep
I know it's not healthy, but you won't hear a peep
Though I'm always sad and I'm always lonely
I could never tell you that I'm breaking slowly
Closed doors
Locked in, no keys
Keeping my feelings hidden
There is no ease
I need it to stop
And I want to be able
To open up but
My feelings are fatal, oh, oh, oh
My feelings are fatal, oh, oh, oh
My feelings are fatal, oh, oh, oh
The lyrics in "Feelings are Fatal" by mxmtoon speak to the struggle of dealing with overwhelming emotions and the difficulty of opening up to others about them. The singer is expressing happiness for someone else but is struggling internally with sadness and loneliness. They want to share their feelings but feel trapped, "Locked in, no keys." The line "Keeping my feelings hidden, there is no ease" highlights the emotional turmoil that comes with keeping emotions bottled up. The phrase "My feelings are fatal" is repeated throughout the song, emphasizing the seriousness of the situation and the potential harm that can come from suppressing emotions.
The lyrics also touch on the fear of vulnerability and trust. The singer acknowledges that opening up and trusting others can be challenging, and it feels like it's "just too much" to bother with. The idea of burying emotions deep inside is presented as an unhealthy coping mechanism, but it's one that the singer feels compelled to do.
Overall, the song highlights the importance of mental health and the struggle that people face in trying to express their emotions. It's a poignant reflection on the pain that can come from bottling up feelings and the difficulty of opening up to others.
Line by Line Meaning
I'm happy for you
I'm genuinely happy for your success and well-being
I'm smiling for you
I'm putting on a facade of happiness to support you even though I'm struggling myself
I'd do anything
I'm willing to sacrifice my own happiness and well-being for yours
For you, for you
I'm doing all of this specifically for you
It's always for you
Everything I do revolves around you and your needs
And never for me
I constantly put myself on the backburner and never prioritize my own needs
And I need it to stop
I can't keep living like this and ignoring my own feelings
So let me tell you, please
I need to finally open up to someone and express how I'm really feeling
How many times must I keep it inside?
I've been bottling up my feelings for a long time now and it's taking a toll on me
I need to let go and I swear that I've tried
I've attempted to express my emotions before, but it's never been successful
But opening up means trusting others
I know that in order to share my feelings, I need to trust someone else with my vulnerability
And that's just too much, I don't want to bother
I don't want to burden others with my problems or be seen as needy
So I'll keep it inside and I'll bury it deep
I'll continue to suppress my emotions and not seek help, even though I know it's not healthy
Though I'm always sad and I'm always lonely
Despite my outward appearance of happiness, I'm struggling internally with loneliness and sadness
Closed doors
I'm shutting myself off from others and not allowing anyone to see my true emotions
Locked in, no keys
I'm trapping myself in this cycle of repressed feelings and not allowing myself any way out
Keeping my feelings hidden
I'm not being honest with myself or anyone else about how I'm really feeling
There is no ease
The constant pressure of hiding my emotions is taking its toll on me and causing me stress and anxiety
And I want to be able
I want to be capable of expressing my emotions in a healthy and open way
To open up but
However, there are still fears and reservations holding me back from sharing my real feelings
My feelings are fatal
The weight of my repressed emotions is becoming too much for me to handle alone and is causing me distress
Lyrics © Songtrust Ave, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Maia X. M. T.
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Lexi
ok I've seen a lot of things about people being the funny friend and stuff but what about that one friend who shows everyone so much love and support and is forgiving and kind and always smiling, and lets not forget the ones who give the best wisdom. I have been labeled these things I give so much yet I cannot take my own advice, I get hurt,betrayed,bullied. Love practically seeps out of my pores, and yet all this bad stuff has happened to me. Still I am not giving up on this war , yeah sure it's gonna hurt and suck and it may feel like i'll never win but I got this! and so do you!
||||||Look down here! Trust me! | || | | |
vvvvvv v v v v v v
I believe in you and hey it'll be ok. Listen,
Whatever you may ever be going through or will or have gone through just know life is like a flowing river there is always going to be points where there's rocks that cross your path and sometimes current picks up and everything will be flying by and it maybe stressful but just know it's only temporarily, besides every river always finds its path again and flows. It may seem like it never will but it will and your life your river will always come across leaves or events good or bad and they will flow with you but eventually end so never just focus on that leaf, and you will cross paths with animals like fish squirrels or people in your life sometimes they're only there temporarily or sometimes the fish will flow with your or your close friends will stick with you sometimes they will seem like they disappeared but their still there in the background sometimes something may come up that slows them or you down like a bird or rock but they pull through and you do too. It all depends if you let the obstacles stop you or not. Find your fish(s) keep them close and remember They will always be here for you and they shall flow with you and it may seem like you guys get distant but never worry they'll always be there and come back they'll never leave you. Wi the war I believe in you! You got this! Tons of people are there for you ! I'm here for you! I know how hard it is but keep going! I promise overtime you'll have your happily ever after like everyone else and guess what you will have the best one because you've gone and persevered more than some . You aren't alone you never are or were, you will find your light whether its a person or a thing you will find it/them. They will help you and continue to help in the long run. You could find a thing too and it will be there for you to! It's ok it's ok to cry and feel emotions and its ok to eat its ok to look different or be different it's ok to love anyone want as long as their in legal age and not a child you get what I mean. Everything will be ok so don't give up, everything will play out in the long run I promise. Now enjoy this song, show mxmtoon support she's amazing and her music is even better if its possible, and it's ok to get help it was the hardest thing for me to do but i'm doing it now and i'm getting better i'm winning the war! Now seriously, Go enjoy your life! You got this!
37_Alice
im happy for you
im smiling for you
I'll do anything
for you for you
it's always for you
and never for me
and I'll need it to stop
so let me tell you please
im always sad
and im always lonely
but i cant tell you
that im breaking slowly
close doors
locked in, no keys
keeping my feelings hidden
there is no ease
I'll need it to stop
and i want to be able
to open up but
my feelings are fatal
my feelings are fatal
how many times that
i must keep it inside
I'll need it to let go
and i swear i tried
but opening up
meaning trusting others
and thats just too much
i dont want to bother
so I'll keep it inside
and bury it deep
i know it's not healthy
but you wont hear a peep
though im always sad
and in always lonely
but im can't ever tell you
that im breaking slowly
closed doors
locked in, no keys
keeping my feelings hidden
there is no ease
i need it to stop
and i want to be able to
open up but
my feelings are fatal
oooooh oh oh ohh oh oh
my feelings are fatal
oooooh oh oh oh ooooh
my feelings are fatal
oh oh
Lovecats Niyumi
that time you relate to the song
...
Yep, I need someone to hug me right now
Edit:
Okay so let me tell you my story
Since beginnig of 2018 I had problems, I thought it wouldn't be so bad but I was wrong, my parents took my cell phone away. I know, its a cell phone, but that was the only way I could talk with my boyfriend and friends (since they didn't let me go out).
So...I felt terrible, My mom didn't knew about my boyfriend and I was TERRIFIED that if she discovered my relationship she would make me broke with him.
My nerves got destroyed since then, it was almost like paranoia.
Then I went back to school, everything was fine at first, but later it became MORE and MORE STRESSFUL, so I said to myself "okay...no friends, they distract you.." but I made friends anyway lol
But things in my house were tense, I didn't slept well those days. And then...I just didn't want to sleep or I wanted to sleep all day. I didn't want to do anything. I was exhausted. I started crying in the night on my bed, I got nightmares (most of them about torture and death), I started to irritate easily and went more quiet than usual.
Until ONE friend of my started to talk again with me, specially about drawings and a project he wanted to make with me (We are working on it right now). He made me so happy, and I started getting obsessed with him (In a way of "I need your positive energy", not in a romantic way). Yes, I started stalking him in school and social media.
One day I found him and went to where he was, I talked with and said to me that he didn't felt well....and then is when I felt how my soul was being ripped out, a pain I was living. I said to him that if he needed something I could help him, And I gave him a hug. I didn't thought he would hug me back, at that moment I wanted to cry.
Then when I went back to home he sent me a message
nemo
why this song makes me happy and sad at the same time.
I used to have a dog named penny, who listened to this song
and got relaxed and in a good mood in whatever situation.
we would sit on my bed look at the mirror and listen to the song together.
all you had to do was play the song and she was in a wonderful mood.
As in april 15th we went on a walk playing the song out
loud. a neighbors dog ran out from their house and i believe attempting to play
they ripped pennys flesh apart and got us bruises trying to save her.
we all cried and held penny running to the car to bring her to the vet
the song was still playing and she wagged her tail during the last moments of her life
and died on the spot. I've memorized the time of the song she died which was
0:58.. i've never felt so much happen in 58 seconds only. We love you penny, we all hope your dancing in the stars having the time of your life.
2019-2020 October 2nd- April 15th
i hope we gave you the best and last year penny.
Memories
You’re right you don’t deserve our love and support.............................................
......... you deserve the world’s love and support
루벤𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚘s̑̈
Agreed
antisocial
not gonna lie had us in the first half boys.....
cyber rat
Me reading the first part: excuse me bi-
Me reading the second part: and that’s the tea
Bread Cat
1k like
Facade Angel
Say that for the depressed people down there
calofc01s
My dog listened to this and became depressed
Leena Hafez
@chainmail wait but i thought i was their dog
chidinma olelewe
yo i got depressed by this song too