Deep in Your Subconscious
Atrocity Lyrics

Lying there in a small crib
Recalling the memory of being in a helpless and confined state

Naked and innocent
An acknowledgement of the innocence and vulnerability that was present

Just loosing my virginity
The realization that one's sexual innocence was taken away

Only four years old
An understanding of how young and defenseless one was when it happened

A menacing man above me
Realizing that the person who committed the act was someone close, and resultantly shattering any trust and safety with others

He's my own father!
The absolute horror of realizing the perpetrator was a parent figure, someone who was supposed to love, protect and support one

My legs and arms are limp
A description of the complete and utter helplessness experienced

Crushed by confusion
The overwhelming mental distress and struggle to comprehend what one endured

Lascivious eyes stare at me
The look in the perpetrator's eyes conveys a sexual desire that a child was never meant to experience

I've never seen before
The shock and realization of perversion and cruelty that is possible in the world

Musty smell in the air
A smell that will forever haunt and link to the experience

Diffusing body odor
An additional detail to emphasize the physical nature of the assault and the closeness of the perpetrator

Feeling like a pig ravished and abused
The sense of self-disgust and worthlessness felt in the aftermath of the assault

Praying for my god
Turning to religion for comfort and protection, in hopes of finding solace

The old man with the long white beard
A symbol of a higher power who is supposed to be benevolent and loving

A hurting abdomen, a grieved soul
The physical and emotional toll inflicted, and a recognition of trauma

Tears are running from my eyes
The emotional pain that manifests in physical tears

I don't know what's going on
The confusion and lack of understanding of what is happening to oneself

Cries, screams of despair
The trauma is so intense that it manifests in sounds of hopelessness

Fathers slaps in my face
The added betrayal of physical violence from someone who is supposed to be a protector

"Shut up little cunt"
The words of the perpetrator drilling in further shame and humiliation

Satisfaction, father is groaning
The revolting realization that the perpetrator gets pleasure from the child's suffering

Humiliation, treated like a shitheap
The ongoing degradation that one endures in the aftermath of the assault from society and oneself

Observation, my brain is empty
The mental damage inflicted is so great that one is left feeling empty

Anxiety, father, never do it again!
A plea to stop the abuse and the fear of future assaults

Atrocity, fear in my eyes
The overwhelming fear and paranoia that comes with having experienced trauma

Inbreeding, my body is deseased
The additional violation of genetic damage surreptitiously inflicted

Shame, mother won't be told
The additional burden of feeling ashamed, alongside the fear and concern of such an overwhelming conflict with their identity that, perhaps, those closest to them will be lost

Some human beings are repulsive animals
The perception of betrayal, revulsion, and disgust that one now has towards humanity

After a while, the pain is over
The journey one must traverse to the healing process

Disgusting, full of serous mucus
The continued physical signs of the abuse that the victim is left to deal with alone

Genitals, blood runs from my legs
The continuing physical loss of innocence and violation of one's body manifested through the very real and brutal effects it has on them

An ugly smile, my father leaves the room
The image of the perpetrator's face that haunts the victim, an uncanny grin of pride or anguish, which may never go away, even many years later.

Misery, I'm feeling sick
The overwhelming pain and dramatic effects of the trauma

Depression, I clasp Teddy in my arms
The need for comfort and a desire for a sense of normalcy and sanctuary

Loneliness, nobody who helps
The feeling of isolation and desperation felt by the victim in the aftermath of the assault

Some human beings are repulsive animals
The realization that one's own kind is capable of such cruelty, and the difficulty to find trust with others to lead a peaceful life

First you tried to repress
The subconscious effort of the victim to block out the horrific memories and the denial that surfaces

Then you established:
The conscious effort to accept and acknowledge what happened to begin the journey of recovery

This nightmare will ever be
The acceptance and understanding that the traumatic event can never be fully eradicated from one's memory

Deep in your subconscious
The mentally scarring effects that continue to influence one's behaviour and emotional state