John My Beloved
Sufjan Stevens Lyrics


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Are we to speak, first day of the week
Stumbling words at the bar
Beauty blue eyes, my order of fries
Long Island kindness and wine
Beloved of John, I get it all wrong
I read you for some kind of poem
Covered in lines, the fossils I find
Have they no life of their own?

So can we pretend sweetly
Before the mystery ends?
I am a man with a heart that offends
With its lonely and greedy demands
There's only a shadow of me in a matter of speaking I'm dead

Such a waste, your beautiful face
Stumbling carpet arise
Go follow your gem, your white feathered friend
Icarus, point to the sun
If history speaks of two baby teeth
I'm painting the hills blue and red
They said beware, Lord hear my prayer
I've wasted my throes on your head

So can we be friends, sweetly
Before the mystery ends?
I love you more than the world can contain
In its lonely and ramshackle head
There's only a shadow of me in a matter of speaking I'm dead

I'm holding my breath
My tongue on your chest
What can be said of my heart?
If history speaks, the kiss on my cheek
Where there remains but a mark
Beloved my John, so I'll carry on
Counting my cards down to one
And when I am dead, come visit my bed
My fossil is bright in the sun

So can we contend, peacefully
Before my history ends?
Jesus I need you, be near me, come shield me




From fossils that fall on my head
There's only a shadow of me in a matter of speaking I'm dead

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Sufjan Stevens's song John My Beloved describe a speaker's complicated relationship with another person who may or may not be John. The singer is at a bar, having stumbled in after a long week, and is struck by the beauty of someone with "blue eyes" who serves him fries and wine. The singer notes that this person is "beloved of John" and admits to getting things wrong when trying to read them as a poem. The singer is surrounded by artifacts, "fossils," but questions whether they have any real meaning or life of their own. The chorus of the song asks if the two can simply "pretend sweetly" before the "mystery ends."


As the song continues, the singer's musings become more cryptic. He mentions an "Icarus" and "gem" and "white feathered friend." He paints "the hills blue and red." He speaks of "wasting his throes" on someone's head. He talks about holding his breath and counting his "cards down to one." All of these images seem to be connected in some way to the singer's own history and desires, but it's not entirely clear what they mean. In the second-to-last verse, the song introduces Jesus as a shield against falling "fossils," suggesting that the singer's reflections are not just personal but have deeper spiritual implications.


Ultimately, the beauty of the song lies in its ambiguity. The lyrics and images are suggestive rather than definitive, creating a mood that is melancholic yet also strangely uplifting. The chorus of the song also suggests an optimistic desire for some kind of communion or connection, even as the singer acknowledges his own limitations and the impermanence of life.


Line by Line Meaning

Are we to speak, first day of the week
Is it time for us to talk, on a Sunday?


Stumbling words at the bar
I'm having trouble finding my words at this bar


Beauty blue eyes, my order of fries
You have beautiful blue eyes, and I ordered some fries


Long Island kindness and wine
I'm enjoying your Long Island kindness and the wine


Beloved of John, I get it all wrong
I misunderstand the message of John, the beloved


I read you for some kind of poem
I interpret you as a poetic message


Covered in lines, the fossils I find Have they no life of their own?
The fossils I discover are covered in lines, are they not interesting on their own?


So can we pretend sweetly Before the mystery ends?
Can we enjoy each other's company before everything is revealed?


I am a man with a heart that offends With its lonely and greedy demands
I have a troubling heart that desires company at any cost


There's only a shadow of me in a matter of speaking I'm dead
I feel like I have no substance, I'm speaking metaphorically


Such a waste, your beautiful face Stumbling carpet arise
It's a waste to waste your beauty on me, get off the dirty carpet


Go follow your gem, your white feathered friend Icarus, point to the sun
Do what you must, find your own way, like Icarus seeking the sun


If history speaks of two baby teeth I'm painting the hills blue and red
If the past tells of innocent times I'm trying to make those times colorful


They said beware, Lord hear my prayer I've wasted my throes on your head
They warned me, I prayed you'd understand my passionate efforts


So can we be friends, sweetly Before the mystery ends?
Can we enjoy our friendship before everything's revealed?


I love you more than the world can contain In its lonely and ramshackle head
I love you beyond what this world can hold in its crumbling state


There's only a shadow of me in a matter of speaking I'm dead
I feel like I have no substance, I'm speaking metaphorically


I'm holding my breath My tongue on your chest What can be said of my heart?
I'm holding my breath with my tongue on your chest, my heart speaks volumes


If history speaks, the kiss on my cheek Where there remains but a mark
If the past is any indication, the kiss on my cheek lingers but like a fading mark


Beloved my John, so I'll carry on Counting my cards down to one
I'll remember John, and I'll continue on alone


And when I am dead, come visit my bed My fossil is bright in the sun
When I pass, come visit me, my impact will be like a fossil shining in the sun


So can we contend, peacefully Before my history ends?
Can we continue together peacefully before our story is over?


Jesus I need you, be near me, come shield me From fossils that fall on my head
Jesus, please help me, shield me from the weight of past troubles


There's only a shadow of me in a matter of speaking I'm dead
I feel like I have no substance, I'm speaking metaphorically




Lyrics © BMG Rights Management
Written by: Sufjan Stevens

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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Most interesting comments from YouTube:

@Anonimous1984

Are we to speak, first day of the week
Stumbling words at the bar
Beauty blue eyes, my order of fries
Long island kindness and wine
Beloved of John, I get it all wrong
I read you for some kind of poem
Covered in lines, the fossils I find
Have they no life of their own?
So can we pretend sweetly
Before the mystery ends?
I am a man with a heart that offends
With its lonely and greedy demands
There's only a shadow of me, in a manner of speaking I'm dead
Such a waste, your beautiful face
Stumbling carpet arise
Go follow your gem, your white feathered friend
Icarus, point to the sun
If history speaks of two baby teeth
I'm painting the hills blue and red
They said beware, Lord hear my prayer
I've wasted my throes on your head
So can we be friends sweetly
Before the mystery ends?
I love you more than the world can contain
In its lonely and ramshackle head
There's only a shadow of me, in a manner of speaking I'm dead
I'm holding my breath
My tongue on your chest
What can be said of my heart?
If history speaks, the kiss on my cheek
Where there remains but a mark
Beloved my John, so I'll carry on
Counting my cards down to one
And when I am dead, come visit my bed
My fossil is bright in the sun
So can we contend, peacefully
Before my history ends?
Jesus I need you, be near me, come shield me
From fossils that fall on my head
There's only a shadow of me, in a matter of speaking I'm dead



@hopelessent.1700

Ugh yea but yet again look at songs such as
The Owl and The Tanager
All of Me Wants All of You
Wasps
All for Myself
Size too small
Mouth of Gabriel? I’m not sure on that one tbh

The biblical references or alliterations may be present in some of the ones above but I see these songs mostly fixed on that love

And the mixture of both love and Jesus
To Be Alone With You

I’m in love with his music...



@Svenshine

@@Justin-fb7ni lots of stuff:
One aunt of mine was heavily into drugs in 1970s and 80s. She happened to become a Jehovah’s Witness after talking to one. She cleaned up her whole act and stopped all the drugs and even cigarettes. Yes it’s unfortunate she got into a horrible crazy religion, but this shows that in her case it was actually a good thing for her.

If I was atheist, I would still promote Christianity to people. Because people are dumb and selfish and wrong and egotistical. Would you agree? People tend to be immoral without fear of God and they will do horrible evil things or deeds.

But yes religious people do very bad deeds also. But religion is created by people not God. Many religious people who do bad things are not listening to God. You shouldn’t attach to God the bad things religious humans do. The world needs less religion and more true followers of God.

But what’s really funny and ironic is that this song is about John the Beloved. Who was one of Jesus’ twelve disciples. But many people believe that John the Beloved was in fact a gay man. And there’s a lot of evidence from that time that suggests he was. And then a lot of those people who believe that, many of them also believe or ponder that Jesus was his lover. And there’s a good bit of evidence from that time that suggests that too.

The artist who made this song is a gay Christian (or bi idk). I am too. People get dogmatic and stuff, and they judge gay people. But God told them not to judge, but they still do it anyways. But you can’t attach what people are doing, you can’t attach that to God and blame God for the “followers” that are doing what God said not to do!

Also the bad side, the devil and his followers, they like to infiltrate the churches so that they can do these bad things and make God look bad.

I understand why you feel the way you do about it all. And I hope you will understand what I am saying.

I just thought this comment was really ironic and funny because of the circumstances I explained above! Like how it’s about John the Beloved and the theories some people have about him. & How the artist is a gay Christian and so am I and the thoughts and things that come from it when you have religion who judges us for being gay. It’s hard!

If you read it thank you.



@CC-uf4yy

Cookie Master other Top Pick from The Avalanche:

Soul Bellow (listen to this one alone, whiles trying bathing, OR 1/3 through a long drive it will destroy you.and it will build you back up.
https://open.spotify.com/track/0g1f0hZoOFWPKDjvw8oAIy?si=PpP97QSO

2ND

OTHERS 1000% WORTH LISTENING
THE Henrietta Buggy Band
https://open.spotify.com/track/0b8nVJDWvfDdCFrJhr5B9x?si=vy3Svkex

Springfield, OR Bobby got a shad-fly caught in his hair

https://open.spotify.com/track/1TYlZJWUNAJFXeF8FbPRIp?si=vLa7Whst

LASTLY, The Perpetual Self
All bias aside, this songs the jam

https://open.spotify.com/track/2MmtlQDnPpoIkt4OJYJH7I?si=IUowYGLc



@prodigal0

Elliot Smith "Early on Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved."

I believe the entire thing is an allusion to John's relationship with Jesus.  Throughout his entire account of Jesus' life he refers to himself as "the one whom Jesus loved". I believe this was done neither in a homosexual nor a prideful way, but rather to show his gratitude and gratefulness for the love he had received from Jesus.  Although this is my interpretation based on the title and the references.  I think lyrics alternate between "Jesus" and "John", primarily because a kiss on the cheek was referenced (Judas Iscariot):

If history speaks, the kiss on my cheek
Where there remains but a mark
Beloved my John, so I’ll carry on
Counting my cards down to one
And when I am dead, come visit my bed
My fossil is bright in the sun

That ties right back to John getting to the tomb first as well.  He did not go in, but he specifies that he got to the tomb before Simon Peter.  All just my thoughts.  Feel free to refute, comment, etc.



@Nick-du2re

This is one of my all time favorite songs, so I decided to paraphrase it as best as I could. In some parts I tried my best to write down what Sufjan was trying to get at, while in other parts I feel like I took some creative liberty.

"Should we speak about the first day of that week? We were at the bar, and we were stumbling on our words. I still remember my order of fries, the kindness of the people of Long Island and the wine.

John, you were beautiful, you had gorgeous blue eyes, but I read you in a completely wrong way. You were like a poem to me; you were almost fully covered in verse. But even though I liked you, did my religious beliefs hold no value? Was my love not sinful? I wanted to pretend, before our connection completely disappeared, that my heart was at fault, consumed by its loneliness and greediness. But through these thoughts, the part of me that loved remained nothing but a shadow, and I ceased to exist. Once these convictions arose, your beauty was entirely wasted. But still, I couldn’t seem to forget us stumbling on the carpet at that bar.

In this moment I don’t want you to remember me, you should continue living your life, following the road to salvation and peace. You must overcome your own limitations, but never exhaust yourself, because when I think back at our time spent together, not only happy memories come to mind but also people’s warnings about our sacrilegious love. And because of what we did, our Lord should hear my prayer: I’ve lived through pain and suffering because of my adoration for you.

But, back then, I wished we could still be friends, so our time spent together could hold some meaning. I blamed everything on our immense devotion for each other, unfathomable for our ramshackle world. But since I couldn’t worship you, there was nothing left for my spirit but to remain a shadow, while my earthly senses vanished.

In our intimate moments, you made me hold my breath, and place my weight on you. At that time, I can’t imagine what could’ve been said about my passion for you. My clearest memory is of you kissing my cheek, an act that forever left a mark on me.

My beloved, my only option is to carry on till I live out my last days and only when I’m dead, you’ll visit me at my resting place, which will be cleansed of lust. For this reason, my righteous bones will shine, reflecting the sun’s light.

Therefore my last request before I die is to be shielded and protected. Jesus, save me from the mistakes of my past, that find ways to perpetually cause me torment. I will finally know religious peace even though I will never have truly loved and in the remaining days of my life I will live as if I’m already dead."



@RJ-ur2dv

🎶🎶lyrics🎶🎶0:00

Are we to speak, first day of the week
Stumbling words at the bar
Beauty blue eyes, my order of fries
Long island kindness and wine
Beloved of John, I get it all wrong
I read you for some kind of poem
Covered in lines, the fossils I find
Have they no life of their own?

So can we pretend sweetly
Before the mystery ends?
I am a man with a heart that offends
With its lonely and greedy demands
There's only a shadow of me, in a manner of speaking I'm dead

Such a waste, your beautiful face
Stumbling carpet arise
Go follow your gem, your white feathered friend
Icarus, point to the sun
If history speaks of two baby teeth
I'm painting the hills blue and red
They said beware, Lord hear my prayer
I've wasted my throes on your head

So can we be friends sweetly
Before the mystery ends?
I love you more than the world can contain
In its lonely and ramshackle head
There's only a shadow of me, in a manner of speaking I'm dead

I'm holding my breath
My tongue on your chest
What can be said of my heart?
If history speaks, the kiss on my cheek
Where there remains but a mark
Beloved my John, so I'll carry on
Counting my cards down to one
And when I am dead, come visit my bed
My fossil is bright in the sun

So can we contend, peacefully
Before my history ends?
Jesus I need you, be near me, come shield me
From fossils that fall on my head
There's only a shadow of me, in a matter of speaking I'm dead



All comments from YouTube:

@elizabeth4689

"I am a man with the heart that offends with its lonely and greedy demands."
god damn.

@cyrusmurphy4072

100th like!

@testgoober193

That broke and fixed me at the same time. That's me. Greedy.

@letmegoletmego

There is no god that would damn that line.

@SarahZ

"The enormity of my desire disgusts me"

@katherinacastr4926

I was going to comment that.

3 More Replies...

@drummer4916

"I love you more than the world can contain in its lonely and ramshackle head."  Wow.

@Dameinthewild

drummer4916 This one did me in: "I am man with a heart that offends with its lonely and greedy demands."


This album is going to change a lot of people I think. It will be an album that marks a point in history in a lot of people's lives. It will be nostalgia. I feel pretty certain. It has already done that to me. I'll hear this song years from now and remember a fleeting moment in my 34th year.

@pedrofreitas3041

+Laura Forster
Hi Laura! I agree with you... this album is special and timeless and hauntingly beautiful...

@christopherschmitz2493

Laura Forster You nailed it! I agree. My 47th summer will always be the breathy "Fourth of July" by Sufyan Stevens.

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