Growing up, Mathews had a passion for music, listening to everything from Kurt Cobain, Carrie Underwood, and Bob Dylan to Lil Wayne and Drake, perhaps influencing his style with an added hip-hop flare.
During 2019, 44phantom broke into the grunge-pop scene with his single, Break Your Heart after it wound up on popular YouTube channel Promoting Sounds and amassed a total of over a million streams across streaming platforms.
He stated to have adopted the name 44phantom to honour his late second cousin and carry on his family’s connection to the number 44. In an interview, Mathews confirmed:
My oldest brother was born at 2:44, my sister was born at 8:44, and I was born at 11:44. My dad’s sobriety date is 4/4/15. My grandpa was a very talented baseball player and he wore the number 44. That number was a part of my life before I was even born. My cousin Danny died in a car accident. I was thinking of the Danny Phantom cartoon to honor him, so I came up with 44phantom for my name.
Freak
44phantom Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I'm a paranoid freak
I keep drivin' around the city at the same damn speed
Thinkin' one day you might show up when I go
And I try to lie and say that I'm not insane
But I keep on playin' the same damn games
Thinkin' one day shit might be different, it won't
I remember when we had the same damn problems
I'ma say the same things 'til you feel the same way
Even when it hurts you, I'm gonna put you in the same grave
Oh wait, I'm sorry, I tried to warn you
I really want you to see me when I'm honest
I needed somethin' different, well until I didn't
And I know I shouldn't be here with you
Girl, you mobbin', proper
In and out of anywhere
You poppin', sobbin'
Even when my heart is at an auction, childish
You don't give a fuck about me
I took a shot to the head last week
I'm a paranoid freak
I keep drivin' around the city at the same damn speed
Thinkin' one day you might show up when I go
And I try to lie and say that I'm not insane
But I keep on playin' the same damn games
Thinkin' one day shit might be different, it won't
Girl, you mobbin', proper
In and out of anywhere
You poppin', sobbin'
Even when my heart is at an auction, childish
You don't give a fuck about me
I took a shot to the head last week
I'm a paranoid freak
I keep drivin' around the city at the same damn speed
Thinkin' one day you might show up when I go
And I try to lie and say that I'm not insane
But I keep on playin' the same damn games
Thinkin' one day shit might be different, it won't
The lyrics to 44phantom's "Freak" describe the singer's state of mind following what seems to be a traumatic event. He confesses to having taken a shot to the head the previous week and now describes himself as a "paranoid freak" as he drives around the city hoping that the person he's waiting for will show up. He acknowledges his insanity and yet cannot help playing the same games over and over, hoping that things will change someday even though they never will. The singer's emotional instability is evident as he talks about trying to be honest with his love interest, but ultimately failing to connect with her.
The lyrics can be interpreted as a portrayal of someone who has experienced a serious injury, both physical and metaphorical, and who is now struggling to come to terms with that experience. The trauma has left him damaged, unable to trust others or himself, and unwilling to abandon the hope that things might one day be different. The song is a reflection on the impact of trauma on a person's psyche and their struggle to find healing and peace in the aftermath.
Line by Line Meaning
I took a shot to the head last week
Recently experienced a traumatic event
I'm a paranoid freak
Feeling extremely anxious and fearful
I keep drivin' around the city at the same damn speed
Engaging in an unchanging routine as a means of coping
Thinkin' one day you might show up when I go
Hopeful for a reunion with a lost love
And I try to lie and say that I'm not insane
Attempting to hide mental distress from others
But I keep on playin' the same damn games
Falling into old behavioral patterns despite trying to change
Thinkin' one day shit might be different, it won't
Holding onto false hope for a better future
When it's real then it's not, and you don't wanna stop, uh
Acknowledging the transient nature of relationships
I remember when we had the same damn problems
Reflecting on shared struggles from the past
I'ma say the same things 'til you feel the same way
Determined to express true feelings despite potential consequences
Even when it hurts you, I'm gonna put you in the same grave
Accepting and willing to inflict emotional pain in pursuit of love
Oh wait, I'm sorry, I tried to warn you
Acknowledging past mistakes in communication
I really want you to see me when I'm honest
Desiring acceptance and understanding based on authenticity
I needed somethin' different, well until I didn't
Searching for change until realizing it may not be necessary
And I know I shouldn't be here with you
Feeling guilty for being in a potentially unhealthy relationship
Girl, you mobbin', proper
Commending the subject for their confident and impressive demeanor
In and out of anywhere
Expressing versatility and adaptability
You poppin', sobbin'
Contrasting confident exterior with potential emotional vulnerability
Even when my heart is at an auction, childish
Feeling emotionally immature and naive
You don't give a fuck about me
Perceiving lack of concern or investment in the relationship
Writer(s): Benjamin Sturdivant, Brayton Mathews, George Cauty
Contributed by Charlie M. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@Aaliixii
44 doesn't get the love he deserves. I've had him on repeat for months now
@Ashley-rj6uf
I agree he’s so talented I love his music !!!
@imranynwa506
After listen to his song about a week now.
I completely agree with you.
@rayshell7074
He has a beautiful voice, what genre would you call this ?
@barbiegirl42756
Facts 🤞🏻
@DewayneVice
Dude his music is actually music and not this main stream cancell culture shit also think hes an independent artist trying to path his own way could be wrong but if thats so thats why no producers advertizeing its all pepole by hear shot telling another about this young artist thats fire and hes way more gifted than half of hollywood anyways
@SaifAqqad
I'm glad Spotify popped this in my release radar
Its so good
@isSatoshiReal
+
@isSatoshiReal
thats exactly what i need after lil peep and x
@nenz696
this popped up on mine too!! It's so goood