If Only...
Anasarca Lyrics


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[based on "IF ONLY :" by Christina M. Riggs]

Here I sit in my cell
Plain white, stone cold walls.
All alone with my thoughts, memories
and my regrets to keep me company.
WISHING ONLY IF . . .
Dreaming of holding my babies,
hearing their tiny voices and laughter.
Watching them grow up.
Dreaming I could see and touch
my Mom without the glass.
IF ONLY . . .
IF ONLY . . .
I HAD REACHED OUT!
Dreaming of feeling wet grass on bare feet.
The sun on my face, wind in my hair.
Watching the stars
Feeling peace, hope, happiness, and belonging
IF ONLY . . . I' D REACHED OUT!
Reality, I' m alone on DEATH ROW.
With no sense of hope, peace, or happiness.
Day in, day out, I relive my failures, regrets

And that terrible night, knowing I'm
to blame for losing my babies.
Realizing that what I dream of most
Could have been reality for me

Could have been reality for them

IF ONLY . . . I' D REACHED OUT!

Here I sit in my cell
Plain white, stone cold walls.
All alone with my thoughts, memories
and my regrets to keep me company.





WISHING ONLY IF . . .
I 'D REACHED OUT!

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Anasarca's song "If Only" paint a vivid picture of the regrets and longing of someone on death row. The singer is alone in their cell, surrounded by plain white walls that feel stone cold. While they have only their thoughts, memories, and regrets to keep them company, they dream of something more.


The singer wishes that they could hold their babies, hear their laughter, and watch them grow up. They also dream of feeling the sun on their face, grass on their bare feet, and the wind in their hair. These simple pleasures are out of reach for the singer, who is resigned to spend their life on death row.


Despite this bleak reality, the singer recognizes that things might have been different if they had reached out. They are haunted by the memories of the terrible night when they lost their children and the realization that they are to blame for it. The song's poignant refrain - "if only I'd reached out" - is a reminder that it's never too late to make a change, even for someone on death row.


Line by Line Meaning

Here I sit in my cell
I am confined in a small space surrounded by plain, white, and stone cold walls.


Plain white, stone cold walls.
The walls are colorless and made of cold stones, adding to my discomfort and loneliness.


All alone with my thoughts, memories
I am by myself with only my mind to think and remember.


and my regrets to keep me company.
The only companions that I have are my remorseful thoughts.


WISHING ONLY IF . . .
My only desire is for a different outcome of the past.


Dreaming of holding my babies,
I imagine holding my children and feeling their warmth and love.


hearing their tiny voices and laughter.
I long to hear the sound of their innocent voices and laughter.


Watching them grow up.
I wish to witness the growth and development of my children into adults.


Dreaming I could see and touch
I visualize the sensation of touching and seeing my mother.


my Mom without the glass.
I desire to connect with my mother without the barrier of a glass wall between us.


IF ONLY . . .
If only I had acted differently in the past, my current circumstances could be different.


IF ONLY . . .
I repeat this phrase, wishing that I could have changed the past.


I HAD REACHED OUT!
If only I had made an effort to change the outcome of events, instead of letting things unfold as they did.


Dreaming of feeling wet grass on bare feet.
I envision the sensation of stepping barefoot on wet grass, a feeling of being alive and free.


The sun on my face, wind in my hair.
I yearn for the feeling of the sun and wind on my skin, a sensory experience that I miss on a daily basis.


Watching the stars
I long to observe the stars in the sky, a sight that reminds me of the vastness and beauty of the universe.


Feeling peace, hope, happiness, and belonging
I imagine feeling a sense of inner peace, hope for the future, happiness, and a sense of belonging.


IF ONLY . . . I' D REACHED OUT!
I repeat this phrase, beating myself up for not taking action when I had the chance to change the course of events.


Reality, I' m alone on DEATH ROW.
The harsh reality is that I am completely alone, and my fate is already sealed.


With no sense of hope, peace, or happiness.
I feel devoid of any sense of optimism, tranquility, or joy.


Day in, day out, I relive my failures, regrets
Every day passes with the pain of thinking about my past mistakes and feeling guilty about not changing the outcome.


And that terrible night, knowing I'm
I remember the moment when everything changed and the horrific realization that I am responsible for the loss of my babies.


to blame for losing my babies.
I am at fault for the tragic loss of my children.


Realizing that what I dream of most
I understand that the things I desire the most were within my reach, but it's too late now.


Could have been reality for me
The outcomes that I visioned for myself and my family could have been real if only I had acted differently in the past.


IF ONLY . . . I' D REACHED OUT!
I repeat this phrase again, wishing that I had taken action when I still had the chance to change the future.


Here I sit in my cell
I end where I had started, still subjected to the same cold, isolated, and barren environment.


Plain white, stone cold walls.
My surroundings are the same, the walls still colorless and cold, making me feel trapped and helpless.


All alone with my thoughts, memories
I am still by myself with nothing but my thoughts and memories to comfort and haunt me.


and my regrets to keep me company.
I am still consumed by my past mistakes and remorse, the only constant companionship that I have left.


WISHING ONLY IF . . .
As I conclude this song, the only emotions that I am left with are futile wishes and regretful thoughts, wishing that I could have changed the course of events, but powerless to do so now.


I 'D REACHED OUT!
I end with the same phrase that has been repeating throughout the song, expressing my deep regret for not having reached out when I had the chance.




Contributed by Alyssa N. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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