After years of recording in relative seclusion in the hills of Los Angeles, Ariel Pink (the first non-Animal Collective member on the Paw Tracks roster) made his official Paw Tracks debut with The Doldrums. Recording at home with a guitar, bass, keyboard, and 8-track (the drum sounds were created with his mouth).
Ariel Pink blends Lite FM and warped lo-fi pop into something by turns beautiful and confusing. Some may find his personal yet detached approach highly addictive, while others may be instantly turned off by the obvious lo-fi production and the vocal drumtracks.
In the summer of 2003, Pink passed a CD-R on to New York based band Animal Collective after being introduced by mutual friend Jimi Hey (of All Night Radio and Beachwood Sparks) at one of their shows. Unbeknownst to Pink, Animal Collective had recently started their own record label, Paw Tracks, and several weeks later they contacted him expressing an interest in releasing his music. Pink became the first musician on the label aside from the members of Animal Collective. The next year, the label reissued The Doldrums, an album which had been originally recorded in 1999. Since then, Paw Tracks (now co-owned by Carpark Records) has released two other reissues of Pink's previous recordings, Worn Copy and House Arrest.
Pink has gradually caught the attention of media sources around the United States as well as internationally. As most of his albums are self-made, many of them have never been heard by fans. Almost all of Pink's albums which have been commercially released come from his yet-unfinished "Haunted Graffiti" series and are thus the best known.
Pink's tours have generally been met with much negativity, primarily because his music was never intended to be performed live for commercial audiences. As he explained to LA Weekly:
“People boo me everywhere...They don't even hide their contempt. I'm used to it now...Hey, I'm giving audiences the real thing...For better or worse, I'm out there, and those are the circumstances. People don't like it when it seems like you don't know what's happening, or I'm getting bummed out with certain aspects and I can't hide it. I think people feel that pain and just think it's bad.”
Initially playing shows alone with pre-recorded music, Pink has since employed the efforts of keyboardist Kenny Gilmore, bassist Tim Koh (White Magic), drummer Jimi Hey, and guitarist Cole M. Greif-Neill (Ethnik Klensr) as Haunted Graffiti. However, even with a backing band unfamiliar audiences are generally hostile towards the unrehearsed nature of the live compositions.
In July, the band embarked on Pink's "Thanks Mom, I'm Dead" tour.
One genre that may interestingly define Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti is one known as Hauntology.
Why Can't I Be Me?
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
i'd stay behind you and look away
i woulda let my feelings go
i woulda let them all show
no
it's crazy being someone's bro
why can't i be me?
why can't i be me?
if anything, we should think about
the stupid things that you used to say
you made me feel so hollow
you made me see it from your plane
i'm not afraid, you made me afraid
why can't, i can't, why can't i be me?
if you had anything to change
i'd probably stand by and watch you wait
i'd really let my mouth go
i'd really let my light show
no
it's crazy being someone's bro
The lyrics to Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti's song Why Can't I Be Me? seem to be about feeling trapped in a relationship or dynamic where the singer is expected to be a certain way or take a certain role. They express a desire to be true to themselves and show their true feelings, but feel like they can't because of the expectations of the other person. The line "if you had any chance at all, I'd stay behind you and look away" suggests that the singer is willing to sacrifice their own desires and feelings to maintain the relationship, but wishes they didn't have to. The repeated line "why can't I be me?" emphasizes this feeling of being restricted or oppressed.
The second half of the song seems to be directed more specifically at the other person, with lines like "if anything, we should think about the stupid things that you used to say" and "you made me feel so hollow." The tone becomes more confrontational as the singer asserts their own identity and demands the right to be themselves. The repetition of the line "why can't, I can't, why can't I be me?" reinforces the frustration and longing expressed throughout the song.
Line by Line Meaning
if you had any chance at all
If you had any opportunity to be yourself around me
i'd stay behind you and look away
I would support you from a distance, as long as it meant I didn't have to confront or reveal anything about myself
i woulda let my feelings go
I would have expressed my emotions more freely
i woulda let them all show
I would have revealed everything about myself, without fear of judgement or rejection
no
But unfortunately that didn't happen
it's crazy being someone's bro
It's difficult to maintain a friendship when you feel like you're not your true self
why can't i be me?
Why can't I be true to myself and have that be okay?
this is your chance, now answer me
This is an opportunity for you to explain why I can't be myself around you
if anything, we should think about
Instead of dwelling on the past, we should consider our current situation
the stupid things that you used to say
The hurtful and insensitive comments you made in the past
you made me feel so hollow
Your words and actions left me feeling empty and worthless
you made me see it from your plane
You forced me to conform to your expectations and way of thinking
i'm not afraid, you made me afraid
I may seem confident, but your judgement and rejection has caused me to fear being myself
why can't, i can't, why can't i be me?
Repeated question of why it's not acceptable to be true to oneself
if you had anything to change
If you had anything you wanted to improve or address
i'd probably stand by and watch you wait
I would distance myself from the situation, rather than confront it or offer support
i'd really let my mouth go
I would speak my mind more freely and openly
i'd really let my light show
I would reveal more of my personality and true self to those around me
no
But unfortunately that didn't happen
Contributed by Christian T. Suggest a correction in the comments below.