Mr. Blessington's Imperialist Plot
Astronautalis Lyrics

Pretty Patricia was a nervous wreck
Patricia, the receptionist, was anxious and worried

Deadened by the Darvocet
She was emotionally numb from using Darvocet (a pain medication)

Furnished by a charlatan
The pills were given to her by a fake pharmacist

Posing as a pharmacist
The charlatan pretended to be a licensed pharmacist

Propped behind a pearly desk
She was sitting at a shiny white desk

She hoists the phone with burdened breath
She picks up the phone with a sigh and heaviness

And hands she holds for reasons wanton
She touches hands with people for inappropriate reasons

Is the whirling dervish games
Her actions resemble the frenzied spinning of Sufi dervishes

This is just the receptionist
Patricia is only the front desk clerk

The skeletons and hallowed halls
There's a lot of hidden secrets and ghosts in the building

Outnumber every worker bee buzzing right through this honey comb
There are more secrets than the regular employees know

And I am just a lonely drone
The artist is a lonely worker who's just doing his job

With a notepad and a picture phone
All he has is a pen and a mobile phone with camera

Whose nectar is a collection of transgressions and subversive flaws
He collects information about wrongdoings and hidden weaknesses

Darrell's darling carries all of HR on his back
Darrell's partner is responsible for all HR issues

Can only hide Gisette because the fetish waftings of croquettes
He can only protect Gisette because of his obsession with croquettes

Well Mrs. Darla’s down the hall
There's a woman named Darla working in the same office

She keeps a watchful eye
She's very observant and attentive

It's on accounts receivable
She's mostly focused on the money being collected

Leaving it blind to the concubine
She's not aware of the mistress (concubine)

Lady Darla’s not the cleanest
Darla has some dishonest practices

Grape inside the crops
She's like a grape among the crops - hidden and camouflaged

She keeps her eyes inside accountants
She's mostly monitoring the accountants

As she skims right off the top
She's embezzling money from the company

Her saccharine little skins of cream
She has a sweet and innocent-looking appearance

She sneaks out in her hosiery
She leaves secretly in her stockings

To hopefully she pumps the petty plunder in the slots
She secretly puts collected money back into accounts

Every now and then
Sometimes

The best laid plans of mice and men
Even carefully made plans can fail

Fall apart at hands
Fail due to actions of others

Of unassuming champions
By unlikely opponents

Collecting all the dirt
Gathering information on everyone's wrongdoings

To build a tower to the sky
To have power and control over others

Slaving in this basement
Working hard and tirelessly

One day this will all be mine
I'll eventually have all the information and power

She was so outwardly nonpareil
She seemed perfect and without flaws or equal

I was enraptured by the act
I was totally carried away by her performance

Of cracking her seamless shell
To find a way to break her perfect demeanor

Catching Esteban with hand in his till is muy facil
It's very easy to catch Esteban stealing money

But this girl's skills are past the run of the mill
This woman is much craftier than Esteban

We command with abandon the plot
We confidently control the plan

Take what he got
We take what he has (money and power)

Setting up shop with a cloud 8 view at the top
Establishing a business with the best view at the top floor

And everybody’s got bones
Everyone has secrets and weaknesses

Hers are harder to spot
Her flaws and secrets are more hidden and difficult to find

With her appointments pinned down and her hair done up
She's always well-prepared and looks perfect for her appointments

I devote everything that I’ve got
I commit all my resources and energy

To stalking this fox
To following and observing her movements

There's got to be a fracture in her porcelain plot
There must be a weakness in her plans and schemes

That’s where I slipped up
That's where I made a mistake

Lost in her wash
Confused in her tactics

She doubled back upon her tracks and she caught me off guard
She traced back her steps and surprised me

She’s impossibly smart
She's incredibly intelligent and clever

I am defeated at my own game
I lost in the battle I started

Caught me collecting dirt
She found out I was investigating her and others' secrets

To blackmail them for my own gain
To use the information for my own interests

A tower made of dirt
A structure built on dirty and dishonest practices

Is just a castle built from glass
It's very fragile and susceptible to breaking

And a pocket full of stones until the last one's cast
And you keep accumulating bad deeds until the end

Collecting so much dirt
Gathering too much negative information

That I was buried down alive
I was overwhelmed and trapped by the gathered secrets

Until the day I die
Until the end of my life