On the song, Chelsea openly shares, “‘I Don’t Feel Alive’ is a song about existing versus truly living. There is a crucial difference between going through the motions of your day and actually being present in your body to experience everything around you. While it’s a bit scary to put this one out, I’d like to be done with all of my beating around the bush. This song is the elephant in the room, the things I’ve been too afraid to talk about. It is my crippling fear of failure and my reluctance to take up more space. But now that I say these things aloud, I am free. I hope this song brings comfort and emboldens others to confront their biggest fears as well.”
I Don't Feel Alive
Chelsea Cutler Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Lucid dreams, hold my breath when I'm wide awake
Connecticut, dissociate
Maybe I should buy a house in a town upstate
If I could, I'd wake myself up
When I am somebody that I'm proud of
And praying she don't hate all my skin like I do
I'm reading books and drinking coffee
Stepping on a scale I keep in the bathroom
The water goes downhill, and still
I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly
And I don't feel alive
No, I don't feel alive
Telehealth, TV episodes
Swallow seeds, but the fruit never seems to grow
Validate what I know
What I believe in and everywhere I wanna go
If I could, I'd wake myself up
When I am somebody that I'm proud of
I'm paying three different psychologists
Trying to remember who I told what story to
I'm writing feelings in a journal
'Cause that's what people who have their shit together seem to do
The water goes downhill, and still
I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly
And I don't feel alive
No, I don't feel alive
I keep coming up for air
And ending up with water in my
I keep coming up for air
And ending up with water in my lungs
I'm learning how to set my boundaries
How to have compassion for myself and for my mind
I'm turning off my fuckin' cell phone
And trying to have honest conversations in real life
The water goes downhill, and still
I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly
And I don't feel alive
No, I don't feel alive (I don't feel alive, oh no)
I keep coming up for air
And ending up with water in my
I keep coming up for air
And ending up with water in my (and I don't feel alive)
I keep coming up for air (no, I don't feel alive)
And ending up with water in my (and I don't feel alive)
I keep coming up for air (no, I don't feel alive)
And ending up with water in my lungs
The lyrics to Chelsea Cutler's song "I Don't Feel Alive" explore feelings of disconnection, dissatisfaction, and the struggle to find a sense of self and purpose. The opening lines "Skin and bones, stomach aches / Lucid dreams, hold my breath when I'm wide awake" suggest physical and emotional vulnerability. The reference to dissociation and the desire to buy a house in a town upstate indicate a longing for escape and a fresh start.
The song delves into the themes of self-image and self-worth, particularly in relationships. Cutler sings, "I'm getting undressed for my lover / And praying she don't hate all my skin like I do." This line portrays a fear of rejection and a lack of self-acceptance. The mention of reading books, drinking coffee, and stepping on a scale in the bathroom highlights an obsession with external measures of success and appearance.
The second verse introduces the concept of seeking validation and stability. The reference to telehealth and TV episodes suggests a reliance on technology and escapism. The line "Swallow seeds, but the fruit never seems to grow" represents a sense of stagnation and frustration, perhaps in terms of personal growth and accomplishments.
Throughout the song, there is a recognition of the need for change and self-improvement, symbolized by paying multiple psychologists and writing feelings in a journal. The refrain "The water goes downhill, and still I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly" captures the struggle to overcome obstacles and find fulfillment when it feels impossible.
In the final verse, Cutler emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in genuine connections. The mention of turning off the cell phone and having honest conversations in real life highlights the desire for authenticity and meaningful human interaction.
Overall, "I Don't Feel Alive" expresses a deep longing for personal growth, self-acceptance, and finding genuine connections amidst a world that often feels disconnected and superficial.
Line by Line Meaning
Skin and bones, stomach aches
I feel physically weak and unwell, experiencing pain in my stomach
Lucid dreams, hold my breath when I'm wide awake
I have vivid dreams and find it hard to breathe even when I'm fully conscious
Connecticut, dissociate
I feel disconnected and detached from reality, like I'm not really present
Maybe I should buy a house in a town upstate
Perhaps changing my environment and starting fresh in a new place will help me feel better
If I could, I'd wake myself up
If possible, I would snap myself out of this state of mind
When I am somebody that I'm proud of
When I become a person that I genuinely admire and respect
I'm getting undressed for my lover
I'm being vulnerable and revealing my true self to my partner
And praying she don't hate all my skin like I do
And hoping that she doesn't dislike my body as much as I do
I'm reading books and drinking coffee
I'm trying to find solace and escape through literature and caffeine
Stepping on a scale I keep in the bathroom
Checking my weight constantly, using a scale as a measure of my worth
The water goes downhill, and still
Life's challenges keep coming and pushing me down, but I persist
I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly
I struggle against adversity, despite feeling limited and unable to soar
And I don't feel alive
But despite my efforts, I feel emotionally empty and disconnected
No, I don't feel alive
No, I genuinely don't feel alive
Telehealth, TV episodes
Engaging in online therapy and binging on TV shows
Swallow seeds, but the fruit never seems to grow
Attempting to cultivate something positive, but not seeing the desired results
Validate what I know
Affirming and confirming my beliefs and knowledge
What I believe in and everywhere I wanna go
My convictions and aspirations, encompassing all the places I want to explore
I'm paying three different psychologists
I'm seeking professional help from multiple therapists
Trying to remember who I told what story to
Struggling to keep track of what personal information I shared with each therapist
I'm writing feelings in a journal
I'm expressing my emotions and thoughts by writing them down
'Cause that's what people who have their shit together seem to do
Because it appears that individuals who are composed and successful engage in this practice
I keep coming up for air
I continuously seek moments of relief and respite
And ending up with water in my
However, I end up with more difficulties and challenges
I'm learning how to set my boundaries
I'm acquiring the skill of establishing personal limits and asserting myself
How to have compassion for myself and for my mind
Developing kindness and understanding towards myself and my thoughts
I'm turning off my fuckin' cell phone
I'm disconnecting from technology and prioritizing real-life interactions
And trying to have honest conversations in real life
And attempting to engage in genuine and sincere dialogues in person
I keep coming up for air (no, I don't feel alive)
I continue seeking moments of relief, even though I still don't feel truly alive
And ending up with water in my lungs (and I don't feel alive)
Yet, I'm left feeling overwhelmed and drowned by my challenges, still lacking a sense of vitality
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Chelsea Emily Cutler, Kevin White
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Nick Santos
LYRICS:
"I Don't Feel Alive"
Skin and bones
Stomach aches
Lucid dreams hold my breath when I'm wide awake
Connecticut
Dissociate
Maybe I should buy a house in a town upstate
If I could, I'd wake myself up when I am somebody that I'm proud of
I'm getting undressed for my lover
And praying she don't hate all my skin like I do
I'm reading books and drinking coffee
Stepping on a scale I keep in the bathroom
The water goes downhill, and still
I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly
And I don't feel alive, no I don't feel alive
Telehealth
TV episodes
Swallow seeds, but the fruit never seems to grow
Validate
What I know
What I believe in and everywhere I wanna go
If I could, I'd wake myself up when I am somebody that I'm proud of
I'm paying three different psychologists
Trying to remember who I told what story to
I'm writing feelings in a journal
Cause that's what people who have their shit together seem to do
The water goes downhill, and still
I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly
And I don't feel alive
No I don't feel alive
I keep coming up for air and ending up with water in my
I keep coming up for air and ending up with water in my lungs
I'm learning how to set my boundaries
How to have compassion for myself and for my mind
I'm turning off my fucking cell phone and trying to have honest conversations in real life
The water goes downhill, and still
I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly
And I don't feel alive
No I don't feel alive
I keep coming up for air and ending up with water in my
I keep coming up for air and ending up with water in my
I keep coming up for air and ending up with water in my
I keep coming up for air and ending up with water in my lungs
Kai Indigo
I don't know if you'll read this, but your music has changed me. I first heard Brent and then I started listening to you. Your music is so inspiring, so honest and raw. I cannot express how grateful I am that you make music the way you do. Never change <3
Lindsay Tedeschi
I know right she is an angel
Tyler Goit
I discovered her from Brent also ❤ she’s all killer no filler
Kaila Hoferichter
I feel this so much ❤ I scream this song in the car and cry and the same time. Her voice is angelic
isabel mak
As someone who has been struggling with depression most of my life now, this really got me. Amazing job once again. This is a perfect depiction of what it’s really like to have depression and the daily struggle. Love your music ❤
Flavio Junqueira
This lyrics are SO honest. 3rd song of Chels that doesn't go for heartbreaks stuff, it's a raw translation of her real feelings in her life at the present. So relatable. ❤
Morrison Machiavelli
Their lyrics are pure poetry, each line resonates deeply with me.
twelve windows
SHE DID IT AGAIN LOVES Holy crap, I'm so glad Cutler got to take a break and come back and bless us with her music, much love sent to whoever's reading this :))) And here's to all of us feeling alive again, someday that will happen soon
GardenManiia
Breathtakingly beautiful! Your creation has touched my soul, and I'm immensely grateful for your vulnerability in sharing it with the world. The depth of emotion conveyed through your music has awakened a part of me that I never knew existed. In a world that sometimes feels disconnected, your music acts as a universal thread that binds us, reminding us of our shared humanity. It's a rare gift to touch the hearts of strangers, and your song has undoubtedly left an indelible mark on mine. Thank you once again for sharing your talent, vulnerability, and the breathtaking beauty of your creation. Your song will forever hold a special place in my heart, reminding me of the extraordinary power of music to touch our souls.
Warmestrom
Que voz linda! ❤