Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Cowboy Timmy Lyrics

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
We are familiar with Rudolph and his distinctive physical feature

And we all know Frosty, who's made out of snow
We are aware of Frosty the snowman

But all of those stories seem kind of gay
But those narratives seem uncool or uninteresting

'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday
Because we know who truly brings joy to our holiday season

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Introducing the main character of the song, Mr. Hankey is a Christmas-themed piece of fecal matter

Small and brown, he comes from you
Mr. Hankey is usually small and brownish since he is the product of your bowel movement

Sit on the toilet, here he comes
When you go to the bathroom, it's the perfect chance to encounter Mr. Hankey

Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns
Mr. Hankey is meant to be squeezed between your butt cheeks

A present from down below
Mr. Hankey is essentially a gift from your lower digestive tract

Spreading joy with a 'Howdy-Ho!'
Mr. Hankey's way of spreading cheer is by saying 'Howdy-Ho!'

He's seen the love inside of you
Mr. Hankey has witnessed the caring and affectionate side of your personality even while in the toilet

'Cause he's a piece of poo
His sole existence is due to being a piece of feces

Sometimes he's nutty Sometimes he's corny He can be brown or greenish brown (Mmmmhmmm!)
Mr. Hankey's texture and color can vary, and he may have a hint of peanuts or corn in him

But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve He might come to your town
Eating fiber on Christmas Eve may increase your chances of encountering Mr. Hankey when you go to the bathroom

He loves me, I love you Therefore, vicariously he loves you
Since Mr. Hankey loves the singer (Cowboy Timmy), he also loves the listener due to the transitive property of love

I can make a Mr. Hankey too
The singer acknowledges that anyone can potentially generate their own Mr. Hankey

Well, Kyle, where is he? Ehh, he's coming Come on, dude, push! Ehhhh, I'm trying Wait, wait, I can see his head Here he comes Howdy Ho!
The singers are eagerly anticipating Mr. Hankey's appearance and encouraging his arrival by urging Kyle to push

I'm Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo Seasons Greetings to all of you Let's sing songs and dance and play Now, before I melt away
Mr. Hankey introduces himself, wishes everyone a happy holiday, and suggests they enjoy the festivities while he's still around

Here's a game I like to play Stick me in your mouth and try to say Howdy ho-ho, yum-yum-yum Christmastime has come
Mr. Hankey proposes a strange game where one places him in their mouth and attempts to say a certain holiday phrase, ultimately celebrating Christmastime

Sometimes he's runny Sometimes he's firm Sometimes he's practically water Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass And won't fall in the toilet 'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter And he won't drop off and so you shake your ass around And try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does
Mr. Hankey can have varying viscosity, either being loose or solid or anything in-between, sometimes even sticking to your rear-end and requiring some tricky maneuvers to dispose of

When Christmas leaves, he must leave too Flush him down, but he's never gone His smell and his spirit linger on
Since Mr. Hankey only appears around Christmas, he must depart with the holiday season, but the scent and memory of him will last

Howdy Ho!
Mr. Hankey's signature greeting