Don't Let Go
Dr. Mohanned Lyrics

Hey, remember the brand new bands
Remember that one song, uh, Don't Let It Go To Your Head
Yeah, well, I let it go to my head
I let it go to my head

Unexamined assumptions, childhood trauma, and snap judgments
They say time heals all wounds, except the toxic ones still bled
I let on to others and opened new ones instead Good thing I got some gauze from a friend

I did the trick for a while, as long as my ego got fed
Superficial was my style, since the bandage only concealed that which was red
Not sure how I managed all this time, ignoring the echoes of both my super ego and id
Surprised I didn't bleed out, and wind up dead

I was a prisoner of my pride, but a stranger to the underlying issues trapped inside my
Head
Or my heart, I'm not sure
It's as if self-deception was an art

I had constructed a narrative that only sought to see things from one side, mine
See, when you're stubborn, it's always easy to decide
I called it being hyper-competent and decisive
So confident I'd have made one of the best tour guides

So confrontational, never met an alternative perspective that I wasn't delighted to decry
Deconstruct, dismiss, and move aside
But why
Why was it so hard for me to let's humble myself and let wisdom in

There probably wasn't enough room
Then again, that's typically when it's time to take inventory or move
Decide what to throw away, and what it is you really need to prove
Before the answers start to fade

But also, to whom
Turns out I was afraid
I let character defects get in the way
Afraid to look back, back at abuse
Suffered a lack of honesty, lack of courage, and a

Lack of the truth
Which then led to emotional stowaways
Defense mechanisms, and an aptitude for excuse
Shipwrecked somewhere in the shadows of the Atlantic
There's an ancient rhythm to my blues

Though the tune is still quite tragic, the concrete is still where them roses grew
Still mourning ancestors I never met like Solomon's kids after he flew
Wait, back to Africa from slavery
Life didn't give me lemons, it sold them to me

Told me to use food stamps and then denied me aid
So don't ask me why I'm sour
More than half of my poor decisions stem from being poor and trying to get paid
Without going to prison

Deep within my DNA, there are already embedded triggers for my cues
Socialize to forget it
Ignore, endure, and then regret it
A kind of learned narcissism

The view's empathy is pathetic and normalizes pathology
Until it becomes prophetic or predictive
How many times can you get hurt before you get vindictive, resentful, and disappointed
After expectations prove prescriptive
Reality and ideals just seem disjointed
While most villains find their origins in once having

Been victims
And what about the day it all gets unpacked
The baggage bound up in some psychoanalytic bubble wrap with no idea who it's from
Generational curses get re-gifted since there's no way to give them back

The cycle just continues and starts over as soon as it's done like a racetrack
It's like the odds are stacked or the game is rigged
Not really meant to be won
But why specifically did I lose

I had choices to choose
I wasn't just under attack
Went to AA, counseling, and church looking for clarity
Clues, and some answers as to
What I lacked

A kind of experiment, in fact
And what I found was fear and ignorance
Paving the way for arrogance or inferiority cosplaying
As superiority to avoid embarrassment
Hate manifested as irritability, which was a cold cancer quietly killing me

Had to surrender my will, learn how to love
And take responsibility from the start of It
I had to resist resentment and look for my part in it, wherever it went
Then try and heal the scars from it or buff out the dents

But still, I was projecting the pain instilled in me at a very young age
I might have made it, but my resilience soon spoiled and turned into rage
However it only came in waves, making it harder to detect
I was oblivious to the long-term effects of psychological torture and neglect

My pride was the cage constructed for my survival
A fail-safe mechanism designed to protect
And help me feel safe from any foe or any
Rival
Which I didn't

Due to a lack of trust, still bitter from abandonment, my faith in people got crushed
Now, I needed to remind myself I was enough and that God is great
I'm free, not fixed, and my former mindset was a waste
No longer healthy, long overdue to be replaced

I'm in a new space, complete, not competitive
So unlike COVID results, I'm trying to be more positive than negative
This means sorting out the thoughts that bring others down and are less than generative
In other words, redirect criticism, mind my business
And stop calling them overly sensitive

For instance, it doesn't always matter what I like and don't like
Unfortunately, I don't always know when to let go and when to fight
When I should speak
Up and when to stay silent
I like to be cool, but my impulse is more defiant

I tell you, I'd argue all day if I had my druthers
But I should still try it
The Bible tells me to love my neighbor just like they my brothers
But instead I'd be overly opinionated and preoccupied with pointing out the flaws in

Others
Offering unsolicited correction like I'm top flight security to the world or better yet
Giving out pearls
But I ain't no better than anybody else

No matter what my pride got me saying to myself
It's but by God's grace I ain't broken on
A shelf, leaning on a ledge, or hanging off a cliff screaming for help
Cause pride comes before a fall




But humility is that perfect parachute that fits us all
Yeah, fits us all