Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo
Early '50s recording by Cowboy Timmy Lyrics

We all know of Rudolph and his shiny nose
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is a popular Christmas story that everybody knows about.

And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
Frosty the Snowman is another Christmas story that's popular and well-known.

But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
Those traditional Christmas stories might be too happy and cheerful for my liking.

'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday
Mr. Hankey is the real hero of the holiday season.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Mr. Hankey is a small, brown, talking piece of poo that only shows up during Christmas time.

Small and brown he comes from you
Mr. Hankey comes from your bowel movements.

Sit on the toilet here he comes
You can expect to find Mr. Hankey on the toilet.

Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns
Mr. Hankey likes to be squished between your butt cheeks.

A present from down below
Mr. Hankey is like a special, disgusting gift from your own body.

Spreading joy with a 'Howdy-Ho!'
Mr. Hankey greets you with a friendly 'Howdy-Ho!' to bring happiness and joy.

He's seen the love inside of you
Mr. Hankey knows that you are full of love.

'Cause he's a piece of poo
Mr. Hankey is literally a piece of poop, so he knows all about poop life.

Sometimes he's nutty
Mr. Hankey can be crazy and wild sometimes.

Sometimes he's corny
Mr. Hankey can be kind of cheesy or lame at times.

He can be brown or greenish brown
Mr. Hankey can come in different shades of brown or even greenish brown.

(Mmmmhmmm!)
Mr. Hankey just makes a silly noise to accompany his different shades of brown.

But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve
If you eat fiber on Christmas Eve, it can help you poop out Mr. Hankey.

He might come to your town!
Mr. Hankey might show up where you are if you eat enough fiber and use the toilet.

He loves me, I love you
Mr. Hankey loves everyone because they are all special in their own way.

Therefore, vicariously he loves you!
Because of his love for everyone, Mr. Hankey also loves you by extension.

I can make a Mr. Hankey too! (Pffffft)
I can also produce my own version of Mr. Hankey by making a farting sound with my mouth.

Well Kyle where is he?
Someone named Kyle is wondering where Mr. Hankey is.

Ehh . He's coming!
Mr. Hankey is on his way!

Come on dude, push!
Someone is encouraging Kyle to use the toilet and make Mr. Hankey appear.

Ehhhh... I'm Trying!
Kyle is trying his best to make Mr. Hankey appear.

Wait, wait I can see his head!
Kyle is now seeing Mr. Hankey start to appear.

Here he comes!
Mr. Hankey is finally making his appearance.

Seasons Greetings to all of you!
Mr. Hankey is wishing everyone a happy holiday season.

Let's sing songs and dance and play
Mr. Hankey wants to spread some festive cheer by singing, dancing, and playing games.

Now before I melt away
Mr. Hankey knows that he will eventually dissolve into nothing, so he wants to enjoy his time as much as possible.

Here's a game I like to play
Mr. Hankey has a game that he enjoys playing.

Stick me in your mouth and try to say
The game involves putting Mr. Hankey in your mouth and trying to say a phrase.

Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
The phrase to say is 'Howdy ho ho yum yum yum.'

Christmas Time has come!
Mr. Hankey knows that Christmas is here when he shows up.

Sometimes He's runny
Sometimes Mr. Hankey can be really soft and runny.

Sometimes he's firm
Other times, Mr. Hankey can be more solid and firm.

Sometimes he practically water
In some cases, Mr. Hankey can be almost entirely liquid.

Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
Mr. Hankey can sometimes dangle from your butt after you use the toilet.

And wont fall in the toilet
Sometimes, Mr. Hankey just won't drop into the toilet when he's supposed to.

Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
Mr. Hankey won't fall off because he's stuck to your sphincter muscle.

And he wont drop off and so you shake your ass around and try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does
Sometimes, you have to shake your butt around to get Mr. Hankey to fall into the toilet where he belongs.

When Christmas leaves he must leave too
Mr. Hankey knows that he can only stick around as long as Christmas does.

Flush him down but he's never gone
Even if you flush Mr. Hankey down the toilet, his presence will still be felt.

His smell and his spirit linger on
Mr. Hankey's scent and good energy will remain in the air even after he's gone.

Howdy Ho!
Mr. Hankey's signature greeting.