Deja Vu
Eminem/Eminem/Eminem Lyrics

As I fall deeper into a manic state
My mental state is deteriorating rapidly.

I'm a prime candidate for the gene to receive the drug addict traits
I have a genetic predisposition for addiction.

Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate
My blood pressure increases rapidly as I spiral out of control.

I seem to gravitate to the bottle of Nighquil then I salivate
I am drawn to the bottle of medicine and crave its effects.

Start off with the Nighquil like I think I'll just have a taste
I begin with a small amount of medicine to test the waters.

Couple sips of that then I gradually graduate
I slowly increase my dosage over time.

Too a harder prescription drug called Valium like ya that's great
I turn to stronger prescription drugs like Valium.

I go to take just one and I end up like having eight
I quickly lose control and take more than I planned.

Now I need something in my stomach cause I haven't ate
My addiction has left me neglecting my basic needs such as eating.

Maybe I'll grab a plate of nachos and I'll have a steak
I indulge in unhealthy foods as a result of my addiction.

And you'd think with all I have at stake
Given the importance of my life and responsibilities, you would expect me to avoid addiction.

Look at my daughters face
I am aware of the effect my addiction is having on my family.

Mommy somethings is wrong with dad I think
My daughter is noticing that something is off about me.

He's acting weird again he's really beginning to scare me
My daughter is frightened by my erratic behavior.

Won't shave his beard again and he pretends he doesn't hear me
I neglect my grooming and seem to ignore my daughter's concerns.

And all he does is eat Dorritos and Cheetos
My addiction affects my diet, leading me to eat unhealthy snack foods.

And he just fell asleep in his car eating Three Musketeers in the rear seat
I have lost all control and fall asleep in random places while eating junk food.

Sometimes I feel so alone,
My addiction leaves me feeling isolated from others.

I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before,
My addiction feels like a cycle I cannot escape.

So lonely and cold, It's like something takes over me,
My addiction consumes me and takes control of my actions.

Soon as I go home and close the door,
My addiction thrives in isolation and privacy.

Kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do,
My addiction feels like a vicious cycle, and I wish to escape it.

But I can't and I won't say I tried but I know that's a lie cause I don't
I am unable to escape my addiction, and I am not even trying to do so.

And why I just don't know
I am unsure why I am so trapped in my addiction.

Maybe just a nice cold brew what's a beer
I consider having a beer, despite being sober for a year.

That's the devil in my ear I been sober a f***in' year
I resist the urge to drink, but my addiction voice remains strong.

And that f***er still talks to me he is all I can f***in' hear
My addiction voice remains present and overpowering.

Marshall come on we'll watch the game it's the Cowboys and Buccaneers
My addiction seems more important than spending time with my friend, Marshall.

And maybe if I just drink half I'll be halfed buzzed for half of the time
I rationalize drinking, believing I can control the amount and effects.

Who's that mastermind behind that little line
I question the origin of my reasoning and decision-making process.

With that kind of rational man I got half a mind
My rational side is pushed aside in favor of my addiction.

Too have another half of gla** of wine sound asinine
Drinking more wine seems illogical, yet my addiction voice remains strong.

Ya I know
I am aware of the irrationality of my addiction.

But I never had no problem with alcohol
I deny having an issue with alcohol, despite my actions and thoughts indicating otherwise.

Ouch look out for the wall aim for the couch I'm about to fall
My addiction is affecting my coordination and physical abilities.

I missed the couch and down I go looking like a bouncing ball
My lack of coordination causes me to fall, looking absurd.

S*** must have knocked me out cause I ain't feel the ground at all
My fall knocks me out, indicating the severity of my addiction.

Wow what the f*** happened last night where am I
I am disoriented and confused due to my addiction and actions while under its influence.

Man f*** am I hungover and god damn I got a head ache
I am experiencing the effects of my addiction, including a hangover and headache.

S*** half a Vicodin why can't I?
I am questioning why I cannot resist taking a Vicodin.

"All systems ready for take off please stand by"
I am mentally preparing myself for the effects of taking a Vicodin.

So I take a Vicodin splash it hits my stomach and ahh
I give in to my addiction and take a Vicodin.

A couple weeks go by it ain't even like I'm getting high
My tolerance to the Vicodin increases, causing me to require more to achieve the same effect.

Now I need it just not to feel sick ya I'm getting by
I am now dependent on Vicodin, using it to avoid becoming sick from withdrawal.

Wouldn't even be taking this s*** if Deshaun didn't die
The death of my friend Deshaun led me down a path of addiction.

Oh ya there's an excuse you lose proof so you use
I use the excuse of Deshaun's death as justification for my addiction.

There's new rules it's cool if it's helpin' you to get through
I justify my addiction by claiming it helps me cope with my problems.

It's twelve noon ain't no harm in self inducing a snooze
I use pills to sleep during the day, seeing no issue with self-inducing a nap.

What else is new f*** it what would Elvis do in your shoes
I am making light of my addiction and seeking to justify it by referencing Elvis Presley's addiction.

Now here I am three months later full blown relapse
Despite my attempts to control my addiction, I have fallen into a complete relapse.

Just get high until the kids get home from two homes relax
I justify my addiction by claiming to need it to relax until my kids come home.

And since I'm convinced that I'm insomniac
I use my supposed insomnia as a reason to justify my pill use.

I need these pills to be able to sleep so I take three naps
I use pills to help me sleep, leading me to take multiple naps throughout the day.

Just to be able to function throughout the day let's see
I believe that my pill use is necessary in order to function properly during the day.

That's an Ambian each nap how many Valium, three
I use Ambian for each nap and Valium multiple times a day.

And that will average out to about one good hours sleep
Despite my pill use, I am not getting enough quality sleep.

Ok so now you see the reason how come he
My addiction has led to me being unable to release new music for four years.

Has taken four years just too put out an album B
My addiction has caused me to struggle with releasing new music.

See me and you we almost had the same outcome Heath
I compare myself to Heath Ledger, who also struggled with addiction.

Cause that Christmas you know the Nomonia thing
I am referencing my hospitalization due to pneumonia on Christmas as a result of my addiction.

It was bologna was it the Methadone ya think
I question whether the pneumonia was real or a result of my Methadone use.

Or the Hydrocodone you hide inside your pornos
I joke about hiding Hydrocodone in my pornography, further trivializing my addiction.

Your vcr tape cases with you Ambian CR great places to hide ain't it
I continue to joke about hiding pills in my possessions.

So you can lie to Hailie I'm going beddy bye Whitney baby good night Elaina
I hide my addiction from my loved ones, pretending to go to bed while secretly taking pills.

Go in the room and shut the bedroom door and wake up in ambulance
My addiction has led to me passing out and needing to be taken to the hospital via ambulance.