Thoughts
Iamjakehill & Josh A Lyrics

I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fucking die
I don't want to end my life, but I am struggling.

I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
I just want to be able to find peace.

But every day I feel like dying
I am constantly struggling with dark thoughts.

Why do I even try?
I question why I bother trying when I am in so much pain.

Why do I even write lyrics about how I'm living the life
I question why I bother writing about my life when it is such a struggle.

When I'm battling pain and my demons at night?
I am fighting with my inner demons every night.

Trying to find a new outlet
I am trying to find a healthy way to cope with my pain.

The devil pouncin', I hear him howlin', my vision cloudin'
My negative thoughts and emotions are overwhelming me.

Man, I tried to escape but there ain't no way
I have tried to escape my struggles, but they continue to consume me.

Try to be strong when I deal with the pain, yeah
I try to stay strong through the pain I am experiencing.

But I'm ditching the coffin, so my family has options
I am working hard to provide for my family so they have a better future.

Gotta work 'til I'm dead so that they get the best
I am willing to work hard my entire life to provide for my family.

Don't wanna set up a bad example
I don't want my struggles to negatively affect those around me.

'Cause the kids looking up can't leave in shambles
I don't want to set a poor example for children who may look up to me.

Can't make them think clocking out's okay
I don't want to give anyone the impression that giving up is okay.

So fuck suicide, I'm here to stay
I am determined to fight through my struggles and continue living.

One too many bad thoughts inside me
I am overwhelmed with negative thoughts.

Got a hole in my heart put the past behind me
I am trying to move forward from past pains and struggles.

I'm pressed with time, I'm stressed with life, my breath is ice
I am dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety that is affecting me physically.

I guess I might just bottle it up some more just like always
I tend to keep my struggles to myself instead of opening up about them.

Barely standing, crawling down the hallways
I am struggling to function and go about my life.

Sink into my bed, with death inside my head
I feel lost and consumed by negative thoughts.

Yeah, that note you found? I didn't mean it
I didn't intend for anyone to find that note, it was just an expression of my pain.

Just wish I had a better sense of meaning
I wish I could find a deeper purpose or meaning to my life.

Never meant to let you down, I've been down and out
I never wanted to let anyone down, but my struggles have made it difficult.

Racing thoughts had to drown them out, fuck
I have to find ways to push away negative thoughts and not let them consume me.

Never giving in I swear to God
I am determined to keep fighting through my struggles.

No matter how many times I prayed to a God I don't believe in
Even though I may not have a strong faith, I continue to seek guidance.

Just to see if I will never wake up, but he called my bluff
I have questioned whether it is better to continue fighting or give in, but I am still here.

Try to free my mind
I am trying to find a way to break away from negative thoughts and feelings.

I don't know what's right
I am feeling lost and unsure about my direction.

Wasting all my time
I am struggling with being productive and motivated.

Tryna find the light
I am trying to find positivity and hope in my life.

I'll be out here runnin', I'll be runnin' from myself now
I am trying to keep moving forward and escape my struggles.

Gunnin' demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I am fighting against my inner demons and trying to break free of my struggles.

I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fucking die
I am still determined to keep fighting and not end my life.

Every day I feel like dying
Despite my determination to keep fighting, my struggles still make me feel overwhelmed and lost.