Hostess With the Mostes' on the Ball
Irving Berlin Lyrics

I was born on a thousand acres of Oklahoma land
I was born in a rural area where the land was not suitable for farming.

Nothing grew on the thousand acres for it was gravel and sand
The land was not fertile and was covered with rocks and sand.

One day, father started digging in a field, hoping to find some soil
Despite the poor land quality, my father started to excavate a field in search of fertile soil.

He dug and he dug and, what do you think?
He continued to dig and put a lot of effort into it.

Oil, oil, oil
Eventually, he struck oil which turned out to be a great fortune for our family.

The money rolled in and I rolled out
With the newfound wealth, I was able to afford to leave the area and pursue a new life elsewhere.

With a fortune piled so high
My wealth was immense and it exceeded my expectations.

Washington was my destination
I moved to Washington DC, the nation's capital.

And now, who am I?
I have become a person of importance and status in Washington DC society.

I'm the chosen party giver
I am the person selected to host parties for a specific clientele.

For the White House clientele
The parties I host are for the White House officials and their guests.

And they know that I deliver
My guests trust that my parties will be exceptional and enjoyable.

What it takes to make 'em gel
I know what it takes to bring people together and make them comfortable.

And in Washington I'm known by one and all
I have made a name for myself in Washington society and am known by everyone.

As the hostess with the mostest on the ball
I have a reputation as the best party hostess in Washington DC.

They would go to Elsa Maxwell
Previously, the White House officials went to Elsa Maxwell to host parties.

When they had an axe to grind
When they had something to accomplish or gain from the party.

They could always grind their axe well
Elsa Maxwell was skilled at achieving their goals through her parties.

Now the hatchet grinders all prefer to call
The White House officials now prefer to invite me to their parties.

On the hostess with the mostest on the ball
They prefer me because of my reputation as the best party hostess in Washington DC.

I've a great big bar and good caviar
I serve high quality food and drinks at my parties.

Yes, the best that can be found
I spare no expense in providing the best quality stuff.

And a large amount in my bank account
I have accumulated significant wealth from my successful parties.

When election time comes round
During election season, I have the opportunity to use my influence to support a candidate.

If you're feeling presidential
If you are interested in becoming president.

You can make it, yes indeed
It is possible to become president if you have the following qualities.

There are just three things essential
There are only three things required to become president.

Let me tell you, all you need
I can tell you exactly what is needed.

Is an ounce of wisdom and a pound of gall
First, you need a little bit of wisdom and a lot of courage and boldness.

And the hostess with the mostest on the ball
Finally, you need the best party hostess in Washington DC to support you.

Entertaining vodka drinkers
One of my responsibilities is to entertain guests who prefer to drink vodka.

Is a job they give to me
This is a duty assigned to me by the officials that I entertain.

Making nice guys out of stinkers
I have the ability to turn rude or unpleasant guests into polite and friendly individuals.

Seems to be my cup of tea
This is something I am particularly good at.

What they really need behind the iron wall
What they need to keep private, behind closed doors.

Is the hostess with the mostest on the ball
They need me, the best party hostess in Washington DC.

There's a book of regulations
There is a set of rules that specifies who should sit next to whom at official events.

As to who sits next to who
This rulebook specifies the seating arrangements for guests.

But there might be complications
Despite the rules, there may be issues or problems that arise.

When the blue blood's not so blue
When the high-status people are not actually noble or honorable.

So the priestess with the leastest protocol
They invite the party hostess with the least strict protocol.

Is the hostess with the mostest on the ball
This is me, as I am known to be less strict with protocol and seating arrangements.

An ambassador has just reached the shore
A foreign ambassador has just arrived in the country.

He's a man of many loves
He is known to have many romantic interests.

An important gent from the Orient
He is an important man from an Asian country.

To be handled with kid gloves
He needs to be treated with great care and sensitivity due to his status and importance.

He can come and let his hair down, ooh!
He can come and relax and enjoy himself.

Have the best time of his life
He can have a great time and experience the best that Washington DC has to offer.

Even bring his new affair down
He can even bring his new romantic partner to the party.

Introduce her as his wife
He can present her to others as his wife, even if they are not actually married.

But she mustn't leave her panties in the hall
She needs to be careful not to leave any evidence of their relationship behind.

Of the priestess with the leastest
She needs to be careful not to leave any evidence behind at the party hosted by the person with the least strict protocol.

Nor the hostess with the mostest
She also needs to avoid leaving any evidence behind at my party.

With the mostest on the ball
I am the hostess with the best parties and reputation in which such events happen.