You Don't Know
Jean Grae Lyrics

She was on her way to becoming a college graduate
She had ambitious plans to finish college and earn her degree

Wouldn't even stop to talk to the average kid
She was not interested in engaging with ordinary individuals

The type of latina I'd sit and contemplate marriage with
She was the kind of Latina woman I would seriously consider marrying

Fuck the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire
She didn't care about material possessions or extravagant displays of affection; her love was genuine

Disciplined, intellectual beauty's what I desire
I am attracted to women who are intelligent and have self-control

Flyer than Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez
She was more stunning and captivating than famous actresses Salma Hayek and Jennifer Lopez

Everyone told me, kickin' it to her was hopeless
People were pessimistic and discouraged me from pursuing a relationship with her

At first I just thought, she didn't mess with broke kids
Initially, I assumed that she was not interested in guys who were financially struggling

The thug niggaz always talking about, how they smoke kids
The tough guys in the neighborhood boast about committing violent acts against others

But the rich-sniff-coke kids got no play
Although wealthy individuals who snort cocaine have money, she did not pursue relationships with them

"I'm not even interested" is what her body language would say
Her non-verbal cues indicated that she was not attracted or intrigued by anyone

Everyone around the way, gave up trying to get in it
People in the neighborhood eventually stopped attempting to pursue her romantically

It didn't matter how good your game was, she wasn't with it
Even if you were charming or had a good approach, she was not interested

On the block, bitches was jealous, but wouldn't admit it
Women in the neighborhood felt envious of her, but they refused to acknowledge it

Talk shit, and deny to everyone that they did it
They would criticize her behind her back and then deny their actions when confronted

'Cause they regreted the long list of niggaz that they let hit it
They felt remorse for engaging in casual sexual encounters with numerous men

And no one ever gave them shit except McDonald's and did-dick
The only things they received were fast food from McDonald's and unsatisfying sexual encounters

Smoking weed with thoughts of envy, whenever they lit it
They would smoke marijuana and feel envious of her success and desirability

She smoked intelligently and they bit it, always trying to copy
She would smoke marijuana responsibly and thoughtfully, while they would imitate her actions and behavior

But when they tried to use her vocab, they sounded sloppy
When they attempted to imitate her way of speaking, it came across as inauthentic and unrefined

She had a style, all her own, respectful and pure
She had a unique and genuine way of carrying herself, displaying respect and purity

I was sick in the head for her, and there wasn't a cure
I was deeply infatuated and obsessed with her, and there was no remedy for my condition

Don't you know that, time waits for no man
Time does not wait for anyone, it continues to move forward regardless

Not fate, it's all planned
The course of events is not determined by destiny, but rather by a deliberate plan

I'm blessed just to know you
I consider myself fortunate to have known you

I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night
I have experienced both love and heartbreak just for the opportunity to hold you in my arms

Can't find, a reason why
I cannot find a logical explanation

God came, to you and I
God intervened and brought us together

If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go
If given another opportunity, I would never allow you to leave me

Hold tight to your love, 'cause you never know
Hold onto your love and cherish it, because you never know when it might be taken from you

Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad
Her eyes were aesthetically pleasing but conveyed a sense of emptiness and sorrow

I used to talk to her occasionally, and she was glad
We would have occasional conversations, and she seemed happy about it

That I wasn't just another nigga trying to get in it
She appreciated that I genuinely cared about her and wasn't only interested in pursuing a sexual relationship

So every now and then we'd stop and talk for a minute
Occasionally, we would interrupt our activities to engage in conversation

I didn't have a gimmick so the minutes turned to hours
I didn't employ any tricks or strategies, so our short conversations would extend into lengthy discussions

On her birthday, I gave her a poem with flowers
As a birthday gift, I presented her with a heartfelt poem and a bouquet of flowers

Then I took her out to dinner after her cousin's baby shower
I treated her to a meal at a restaurant following her cousin's celebration of a new baby

We talked about, power to the people and such
We engaged in discussions about empowering the community and related topics

We spent more time together but it was never enough
Although we started spending more time in each other's company, it never felt like we had spent enough time together

I never tried to sneak a touch, or even cop a feel
I respected her boundaries and never attempted to touch her inappropriately

I was too interested, in keeping it real
My focus was on maintaining authenticity and honesty in our interactions

Perfectly honest and complete, she would always call me "carino,"
She consistently referred to me affectionately as "carino," which means "darling" or "sweetheart" in Spanish

And never Technique, bought me a new book to read every 2 or 3 weeks
Instead of calling me by my stage name (Technique), she called me by my real name and would gift me with a new book to read regularly

Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak
Her influence on me was so profound that it permanently altered the way I expressed myself verbally

It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks
Because of her, I ended all of my casual sexual encounters and focused solely on her

She convinced me, to stop hangin' out on the streets
She persuaded me to abandon my involvement in street life and criminal activities

To stop robbin' and stealin', from people like you
To cease engaging in theft and robbery from individuals in the community

Instead I took her out to the Apollo and the Bronx
Rather than engaging in unlawful activities, I took her to cultural venues like the Apollo Theater and the Bronx

We sailed in Barrio (?) and the Metropolitan too
We explored neighborhoods like Barrio and the Metropolitan area together

Got to the point when I was either with her or my crew
I reached a stage where I had to choose between spending time with her or being with my group of friends

So I decided one day, to tell her my feelings was true
I made a decision one day to confess my genuine feelings for her

I couldn't live without her so I told her, facing my fears
I expressed to her that I couldn't imagine my life without her, despite my fear of rejection

But honey's only response, was a face full of tears
Her only reaction was to burst into tears

She could only sob hysterically, holding me tight
She could only cry uncontrollably while holding onto me tightly

I tried to speak, but she wouldn't stop until I left sight
I attempted to say something, but she continued sobbing until I was out of her sight

I felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light
I felt like a moth that had ventured too close to a bright light source, resulting in negative consequences

Except I didn't burn, I turned cold after that night
Unlike being burned by the light, I became emotionally cold and distant after that incident

I went on with my life, college and my career
I continued with my life, focusing on my education and professional aspirations

Ended up locked up like an animal for a year
Unfortunately, I ended up incarcerated for a year, treated like a caged animal

Where the C.O.'s talk to you like they were the overseer
Correctional officers spoke to us inmates as if they were in charge and superior to us

Then I got sent to the hole, when my exit was near
Eventually, I was placed in solitary confinement just as my release from prison was approaching

At night in my cell, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her
During the night in my prison cell, I would close my eyes and imagine her presence

Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared
In my dreams, I could embrace her tightly, but upon waking, she would vanish

Just an empty cell until the state gave me parole in the summer
My cell felt empty and devoid of meaning until I was granted parole by the state during the summer season

came back, in tact and on track
After my release, I returned intact and focused on my goals and aspirations

But the fact of the matter, is I still felt cold
Nevertheless, the truth of the situation is that I still felt emotionally distant and numb

Even after my mother, hugged me, cryin' at home
Despite my mother hugging me and shedding tears of joy upon my return home

My real niggaz would catch me thinkin', out of my zone
My true friends would observe me lost in thought, detached from reality

Fuckin' lots of different women, but I still felt alone
Engaging in sexual relationships with numerous women didn't alleviate the feeling of loneliness

Relatively well-known around the New York underground
I had gained a certain level of recognition and fame within the underground music scene in New York

But I kept thinking of her and how we used to be down
However, my thoughts constantly gravitated towards her and the connection we once shared

The sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair
The memory of her voice and the delightful fragrance of her hair lingered in my mind

Though gone physically, somehow it was still there
Although she was no longer present in my life, her essence still persisted in my memories

I had to do something, because the shit was too much to bear
The emotional weight became overwhelming, so I felt compelled to take action

So I went and visited the building where she used to live
I decided to go and visit the place where she resided in the past

The world looks a lot different after you do a bid
Your perspective on the world changes significantly after serving time in prison

The way your life done changed
The profound transformations that occur in your life

While primitive minds (are) still stuck in the same game
While some individuals continue to be trapped in unevolved thinking and patterns of behavior

Like her cousin who was on the corner slangin' cocaine
For example, her cousin who was involved in selling cocaine on the street corner

Stepped in the lobby and tapped the button next to her last name
I entered the building and pressed the button next to her surname on the intercom

Her mom buzzed me up and hugged me up, like a mother oughta
Her mother granted me access and warmly embraced me, fulfilling the role of a nurturing mother

But her facial expression changed, when I asked about her daughter
However, her mother's expression shifted once I inquired about her daughter

She told me that there was a note for me, that was left behind
Her mother informed me that there was a letter addressed to me, which had been left behind

She had left it there waiting, for such a long time
She had intentionally left the letter there, patiently waiting for me to discover it

I was inclined to ask about it but she brought it up first
I was considering asking about the letter, but her mother broached the subject before I had the chance

I saw a tear swelling up in her eye, and then she cursed
I observed a tear welling up in her eye, followed by her uttering a curse word

She told me where the letter was and I started thinking the worst
She informed me of the location of the letter, and I began to anticipate the worst

Reversed my position, stepped over and opened the door
I changed my physical stance, walked towards the door, and opened it

And sure enough there was an envelope with my name on the floor
As expected, there was an envelope on the floor addressed to me

"Nobody loves you more than me carino" is what the letter said
The letter began with the line, "No one loves you more than me, my dear," indicating her deep affection for me

"By the time you get to read this, I'll probably be dead
She anticipated her own death, implying that she might no longer be alive when I read the letter

But when you left in '97 a part of me went to Heaven
When you left in 1997, a piece of me felt like it ascended to Heaven

I thank God at least I got to know what love really was
She expressed gratitude towards God for allowing her to experience genuine love

But it hurt me, to see what true love really does
However, witnessing the consequences of true love caused her pain

'Cause even though we never made love, you were all that there was
Despite us never engaging in a sexual relationship, she considered me her everything

It was because I loved you so much that I had to make you leave
Due to her intense love for me, she felt compelled to push me away

You made me doubt the way I thought, you made me want to believe
I had such a profound impact on her that she began to question her own thoughts and desired to have faith

And then I slipped up, and I let you get close to me
Despite her attempts to distance herself, she made a mistake and allowed herself to become emotionally attached to me

It was hard to not be openly when people spoke to me
Despite her initial intention to distance herself, it was difficult for her to hide her emotions when others interacted with her

This was not the way I thought my life was supposed to be
Her current situation did not align with her preconceived notions of how her life should have unfolded

Baby don't you see, I had a blood transfusion that left me with HIV
My dear, don't you understand that I contracted HIV due to a blood transfusion

Hoped the end exists for me since late in 1993
Since 1993, I have been hoping for an end or a resolution to my situation

I died a virgin, I wish I could've given myself to you
I passed away without ever having experienced sexual intimacy, and I regret that I was unable to share that with you

I cried in the hospital because there was no one else but you
While in the hospital, I wept because you were the only person I longed for

Promise that you'll meet me in paradise inevitably
Please promise that you will eventually join me in paradise

No matter what, I'll keep your love forever with me
Regardless of the circumstances, I will forever hold onto the love you gave me

What happened for the rest of the day is still a blur
The events that unfolded for the remainder of the day are still hazy and unclear in my memory

But I remember wishing that I was dead, instead of her
However, I do recall fervently desiring my own death in place of hers

She was buried on August 3rd
She was laid to rest on August 3rd

The story ends without a sequel
This tale concludes without a follow-up or continuation

And now you know why Technique, don't fucking fall in love with people
Now you understand the reason why Technique warns against falling in love with others

Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you
Embrace and cherish the person you love if they are beside you

The one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you
Focus on the individual you genuinely love, not someone who is only interested in sexual encounters

Appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond
Value and treasure them to the utmost degree and even surpass that

'Cause you never really know what you got, until it's gone
You never truly comprehend the value of something or someone until they are no longer present