911
Lady Gaga Charli XCX A. G. Cook Lyrics

I can't see me cry
I can't bear to witness my own emotions and vulnerability

Can't see me cry ever again (oo-oo)
I refuse to let myself show weakness and vulnerability again

I look through the mirror
I search within myself for an identity and self-awareness

I don't see my face
I am disconnected from my identity and sense of self

I'm tryin' to find me (tryin')
I'm struggling to rediscover my true self

I'm tryin', I'm tryin' again
I'm making an effort to overcome my insecurities and rediscover my identity

I'm tryna keep it cool
I'm attempting to mask my inner turmoil and appear composed on the surface

I Look out To Venus
I gaze towards the heavens for guidance and inspiration

And search for a place
I seek a sense of belonging and purpose

And sometimes I hate myself
I have moments of self-loathing and insecurity

I'm tryin', I'm cryin' again
I'm attempting to overcome my emotions and feelings of vulnerability

My biggest enemy is me, pop a 911
I am my own worst enemy, resulting in the need to take drastic measures to cope

My biggest enemy is me ever since day one
My insecurities and self-doubt have plagued me since the beginning

Pop a 911, then pop another one
I feel the need to resort to extreme measures to cope with my inner turmoil

Keep my dolls inside diamond boxes
I protect and preserve the things that bring me joy, as I fear their loss

Save 'em 'til I know I'm gon' drop this
I hold onto these things until I feel ready and confident enough to engage with them fully

Front I've built around my oasis
I've constructed a false persona to protect my vulnerable inner self

Paradise is in my hands
I have the power to create my own sense of happiness and contentment

Holdin' on so tight to this status
I cling to external markers of success and validation to mask my inner struggles

It's not real, but I'll try to grab it
I know that my external accomplishments don't fulfill me, but I still attempt to derive meaning from them

Keep myself in beautiful places
I surround myself with aesthetically pleasing environments to distract from my internal turmoil

When I cry like I'm a waterfall
When I am overwhelmed with emotion and tears flow freely

And pour it out like alcohol
When I release my emotions in a self-destructive manner, like consuming alcohol

Would you raise your hands and catch it all?
I am asking for support and understanding from those around me

Turn into a swimming pool
My emotions become all-consuming, like a body of water

When my blood is filled with cortisol
When I am physiologically affected by stress and anxiety

And I'm feeling like I'm flammable
When my emotions are so intense that I feel like I'm on the verge of combustion

I could do something so radical, ooh
I am tempted to take drastic action to cope with my internal turmoil

Lately I'm feelin' so blue (blue)
Recently, I've been struggling with feelings of sadness and depression

If it's all getting way harder (ooh)
If life is becoming increasingly difficult to manage

Turn it up, party to Gaga
I try to distract myself from my struggles by engaging in fun, escapist activities

Lately I just wanna lose (lose)
Recently, I've been feeling overwhelmed and defeated

Switch it up, get it, renew (oh)
I recognize the need to change up my routine and find new sources of inspiration

When it's all getting way darker
When I feel like my struggles are becoming unbearable

Sometimes I just wanna don't wanna cry
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to experience the pain and sadness that comes with crying

I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying
I am feeling deeply emotional and overwhelmed

Not crying, not crying, not crying, not crying
I am attempting to hold back my emotions and maintain composure