"My story began in the church," Lanae' explains. "I grew up hearing about G… Read Full Bio ↴"My story began in the church," Lanae' explains. "I grew up hearing about God's love and grace but I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that God could really love me. I thought I was never good enough or pretty enough or worth anything. So there was this constant fight in my life between the God I heard about in church and the world that was just devouring me on the inside.

"At seventeen, Lanae' says "everything shifted." A long-time relationship with a serious boyfriend ended badly, and she entered her senior year of high school with all of her hidden emotions and insecurities finally beginning to spill out. She was desperate for a way to numb her feelings, and soon found one.

"I had never heard of 'cutting'," Lanae' says, "but I had reached the point where I didn't like who I was and I was tired of living. I knew you could die if you cut your wrists, so I found a vein and started cutting. But when you do that, your body can respond to the physical pain with a rush of endorphins that make you feel good for a while. So that was where the addiction started. It got worse as it went on. The cuts got deeper. When I didn't want to deal with emotions, I would just cut them away.

"Lanae' tried sleep aids and alcohol as well, but it was the knives she kept hidden beside her bed and in her car that she most often turned to for immediate relief. The crushing cycle of shame and addiction spiraled for three years, until the night Lanae' found herself in her college apartment holding a handful of pills, ready to take them all.

"There was something deeper in my soul that just wouldn't let me do it," she says, "something that wouldn't let me die. I poured the pills out of my hand. I can look back at that moment now and know that it was God. Some time later I came across Psalm 147:3, 'He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.' It seemed too good to be true. I asked God 'Can you really do that?' because nothing else had worked and I desperately wanted to be healed. God was really beginning to use events in my life to break down my walls and reveal to me that I needed something more. Eventually, I realized how broken I was outside of Jesus. There was a moment when I finally fell on my face and offered the pieces of my life to God."

Estranged
Lanae' Hale Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

Verse 1:
Bloodshot eyes and a curious gaze
Into the night think of life and faith
Trying hard to keep my soul awake
I'm feeling lost in this crowded place

Chorus:
You don't go, You don't fade

You're steady and inchanged
My constant in this place
Where I'm estranged
When I fall, my bones break
I'll never be the same
When I hear my savior say
That I'm not estranged
Estranged

Verse 2:
Trapped within this transient skin
Constant fight to keep my light burnin'
A call to spread love along the way
So I'll endure this humble highway

Bridge:
Just people passing through
This world to get to You where
We're not strangers,
We're not strangers
And when these ties are gone

We will be headed on Where
We're not strangers (x3)

Overall Meaning

In Lanae' Hale's song "Estranged," the singer is feeling lost and estranged in a crowded place. She has bloodshot eyes and a curious gaze as she thinks about life and faith, trying to keep her soul awake. She feels trapped within her transient skin as she fights to keep her light burning. Despite this, she finds comfort in the fact that her savior is the constant that never fades, even in her darkest moments. She knows that even when she falls and her bones break, she will never be the same when she hears her savior say that she is not estranged.

The chorus repeats the idea of the savior being the constant in the singer's life, even when she feels estranged. She knows that when she hears her savior say that she is not estranged, she will be comforted and lifted up. The bridge emphasizes that everyone is just passing through this world to get to their ultimate destination, their savior. We are not strangers, but rather fellow travelers on this humble highway. When our ties to this world are gone, we will all be headed towards our final destination.

Line by Line Meaning

Bloodshot eyes and a curious gaze
My tired eyes and my eager mind

Into the night think of life and faith
In the darkness, I contemplate my existence and beliefs

Trying hard to keep my soul awake
Struggling to keep my spirit alive and alert

I'm feeling lost in this crowded place
Amidst many people, I feel alone and uncertain

You don't go, You don't fade
You remain constant and steadfast

You're steady and inchanged
You stay strong and unaltered

My constant in this place
You are my consistent presence in this uncertain world

Where I'm estranged
Where I feel disconnected from the people around me

When I fall, my bones break
When I suffer, I am deeply hurt

I'll never be the same
The damage will change me forever

When I hear my savior say
When I listen to my rescuer speak