Master Of The House
Les Miserables [London 11 October 2008 matinee] Lyrics

Come on you old pest
Addressing the drinkers in a friendly, familiar way

Fetch a bottle of your best
Bring me your finest drink

What's the nectar of the day?
What is the best drink available today?

Here, try this lot
Offering a flask of wine to the customers

Guaranteed to hit the spot
This wine will satisfy you

Or I'm not Thenardier
Expressing confidence in the quality of the wine

Gissa glass a' rum
May I have a glass of rum, please?

Right away, you scum
Agreeing to serve the customers, but expressing contempt for them

Right away, Monsieur
Agreeing to serve the customer politely

God this place has gone to hell
Expressing dissatisfaction with the state of the inn

So you tell me every year
Acknowledging that this complaint is made frequently

Mine host Thenardier
Referring to Thenardier as the owner or manager of the inn

He was there so they say,
Referring to a story about Thenardier's past

At the field of Waterloo
Referring to a specific battle in the Napoleonic Wars

Got there, it's true
Confirming that Thenardier was present at the battle

When the fight was all through
Implying that Thenardier did not actually fight in the battle

But he knew just what to do
Suggesting that Thenardier was resourceful in a crisis

Crawling through the mud
Describing how Thenardier may have moved around the battlefield

So I've heard it said
Emphasizing that this story may not be entirely true

Picking through the pockets
Describing how Thenardier may have searched for valuable items

Of the English dead
Implying that Thenardier was looting the bodies of enemy soldiers

He made a tidy score
Suggesting that Thenardier collected a large amount of valuable items

From the spoils of war
Implying that Thenardier profited from the conflict

My band of soaks
Referring to the group of drinkers in the inn

My den of dissolutes
Describing the drinkers as immoral and indulgent

My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts.
Highlighting the raunchy humor and heavy drinking in the inn

My sons of whores
Referring to his employees or associates

Spent their lives in my inn
Implying that they are dedicated to the success of the business

Homing pigeons homing in
Describing how the customers return to the inn again and again

Then fly through my doors
Emphasizing the high volume of customers in the inn

And their money's as good as yours
Implying that Thenardier is happy to take their money

Ain't got a clue
Suggesting that the customers are ignorant or foolish

What he put in this stew
Expressing uncertainty about the ingredients in the food

Must have scraped it off the street
Imagining that the ingredients are of poor quality

God what a wine!
Declaring that the wine is very good

Chateau Neuf de Turpentine
Satirizing the pretentious names given to some wines

Must have pressed it with his feet
Imagining that the wine is made in a primitive or unpleasant way

Landlord over here!
Calling for Thenardier's attention

Where's the bloody man?
Demanding to know where Thenardier is

One more for the road!
Asking for one final drink before leaving

Just one more, or my old man is gonna do me in.
Giving a humorous reason for wanting another drink

Welcome, Monsieur
Greeting a new customer politely

Sit yourself down
Inviting the customer to take a seat

And meet the best
Boasting about the quality of the inn and its owner

Innkeeper in town
Referring to Thenardier as the best innkeeper in the area

All of 'em crooks
Implying that other innkeepers are dishonest

Rooking their guests
Suggesting that other innkeepers cheat their customers

And cooking the books
Implying that other innkeepers falsify their financial records

Seldom do you see
Observing that honest people are rare

Honest men like me
Boasting about his own honesty

A gent of good intent
Describing himself as well-meaning

Who's content to be
Suggesting that Thenardier is satisfied with his life

Master of the house
Describing Thenardier's ownership and management of the inn

Doling out the charm
Suggesting that Thenardier is charming and persuasive

Ready with a handshake
Implying that Thenardier is friendly and welcoming

And an open palm
Suggesting that Thenardier is happy to receive money

Tells a saucy tale
Implying that Thenardier is entertaining and humorous

Makes a little stir
Suggesting that Thenardier is good at creating a lively atmosphere

Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Suggesting that customers enjoy being around someone who enjoys life

Glad to do a friend a favor
Implying that Thenardier is helpful and generous

Doesn't cost me to be nice
Suggesting that Thenardier's pleasant behavior is natural and effortless

But nothing gets you nothing
Acknowledging the idea that people expect to receive something in return for their actions

Everything has got a little price!
Asserting that every action or favor has an associated cost

Keeper of the zoo
Describing the inn as a chaotic or unruly place

Ready to relieve 'em
Implying that Thenardier is eager to take money from his customers

Of a sou or two
Referring to small coins or amounts of money

Watering the wine
Suggesting that Thenardier dilutes the wine to save money

Making up the weight
Suggesting that Thenardier adds something to the food or drink to increase its perceived value

Pickin' up their knick-knacks
Suggesting that Thenardier steals small items from his customers

When they can't see straight
Implying that Thenardier takes advantage of intoxicated or vulnerable customers

Everybody loves a landlord
Suggesting that people enjoy interacting with someone who runs an inn or tavern

Gives 'em everything he's got
Implying that Thenardier is generous and accommodating

Everybody bless his spouse!
Acknowledging the important role of the innkeeper's wife

Dirty bunch of geezers
Insulting the customers

Comforter, philosopher
Mocking the idea that Thenardier has any real wisdom or insight

Master and a half!
Emphasizing that Thenardier has a high opinion of himself

Ah, don't make me laugh!
Dismissing the idea that Thenardier is worthy of respect or admiration

Hypocrite and toady
Accusing Thenardier of being insincere and sycophantic

And inebriate!
Admitting that Thenardier is often drunk

Everybody raise a glass
Encouraging everyone to join in a toast

Raise it up the master's arse
Insulting Thenardier and refusing to take the toast seriously

to the master of the house!
Completing the toast, but without sincerity or enthusiasm