Ilus' music career started at the age of four, when she began performing major roles in children's musicals across Estonia. Having gained a lot of performing experience at any early age, Ilus released her self-titled debut album Maarja in 1996, achieving reasonable success in her home country. Although the album made her known within her country, true national success would not come until the Eurolaul event later on that year. Ilus would perform two songs in the Eurolaul, "Kaelakee Hääl" and "Kummalisel Teel", the former a duet with Ivo Linna. The duet would ultimately win the competition, and she would go onto finish 5th in the Eurovision Song Contest 1996. The exposure from competing in Eurovision would ultimately make Geffen Records notice the young Ilus, signing her for her first international album release.
Meanwhile, Ilus entered the Eurolaul again in 1997, winning with the solo "Keelatud Maa". Ilus would eventually finish 8th in the Eurovision Song Contest 1997. The result helped to further solidify her popularity in Estonia, making her second album First In Line an instant success there when released on August 25, 1998. The album, which was Ilus' first effort entirely in English, was also released internationally, topping album charts in Japan and receiving considerable airplay in Germany, Sweden, Norway and Denmark. The success of the album made her, at the time, Estonia's most successful popular music artist ever. Ilus would not achieve the same success when she tried to break through into the American mainstream, though, with the album essentially failing to make any impact on the Billboard charts. Ilus would also release the mostly Estonian language album Kaua Veel later on in 1998, with the album winning her the Estonian Female Singer of the Year award. In 1999 she also became a Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF.
Ilus' next album would be City Life in 2001, which again achieved reasonable success in Estonia. The album would not, however, repeat the international success of First In Line. Following the release of City Life, Ilus' international popularity faded a little, although she still remained a notable celebrity in Estonia. Ilus would enter the Melodifestivalen of 2003 in Sweden with the song "He is Always On My Mind", although she would be eliminated at the semi-final stage. The appearance in Melodifestivalen helped to re-establish Ilus in Sweden a little, but the release of the song as a single (and release of a modified version of City Life, with the song as the first track) was a commercial failure.
Ilus would enter Eurolaul for the third time in 2004, performing the self-written "Homme", but she would ultimately finish in 4th place. Since 2004 Ilus has worked on smooth jazz projects, working with the club jazz band Hinkus and performing vocals on Tõnu Raadik's Flow of Dreams album. She also recorded a duet with the Latvian pop singer Lauris Reiniks in 2005, with the song becoming a hit in both Estonia and Latvia.
I WONDER
Maarja Lyrics
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Colder winds freeze me through
Seems to me that I was dreamin'
When I hoped you wanted me too
Maybe I'm a fool who loved you
But I learned from time to time
I believe that love's
And I wonder
I wonder why a real life
Always is so hard to find
I wonder why it's always
Hard to leave it all behind
But I believe that one day
I will find my one true love
Through the night
Of darkest winter
I can't count the
Times I've cried
It's so hard to understand
Still my tears
Just haven't dried
Used to be
So very easy
Just to give my heart away
Now I've learned to save it for
A special day
And I wonder
I wonder why a real life
Always is so hard to find
I wonder why it's always
Hard to leave it all behind
But I believe that one day
I will find my one true love
I, I wonder why
Maarja's song "I Wonder" is a soulful, melancholic song that explores themes of heartbreak, the complexities of love, and the search for a soulmate. The lyrics paint a picture of a person who is dealing with the aftermath of unrequited love. The singer is struggling to come to terms with her feelings for someone who didn’t love her back. The imagery of the changing leaves, the cold winds, and the tears that haven’t dried give the impression of a person who is lost and disillusioned. Despite the pain and heartache, the singer still holds on to the hope that she will find her one true love.
The phrase "I wonder" is repeated throughout the song, underscoring the feeling of confusion and uncertainty that comes with matters of the heart. The singer questions why real love is so hard to find and wonders why it's always difficult to leave the past behind. The song also suggests that the singer has learned from her experiences and has decided to guard her heart until she finds someone worthy of her love.
Overall, "I Wonder" is a poignant reflection on love and the human experience. It acknowledges the pain that comes with heartbreak but also holds onto the hope that one day, the search for true love will be worth it.
Line by Line Meaning
When the leaves have turned to yellow
During the autumn season, when the leaves have changed color, indicating a time of transition and preparation for the upcoming winter months.
Colder winds freeze me through
As the temperature drops, I feel the icy chill of the wind piercing through my body, leaving me feeling numb and vulnerable.
Seems to me that I was dreamin'
Looking back, it feels like the hopeful thoughts I had about us being together were just a figment of my imagination or a distant dream that can never become reality.
When I hoped you wanted me too
I had a desire that my feelings of wanting to be with you would be reciprocated and that you felt the same way about me, but it turned out to be untrue.
Maybe I'm a fool who loved you
It's possible that I was foolish to love someone who didn't love me back or never intended to have a future with me.
But I learned from time to time
Over time, I've gained knowledge and understanding of what it takes to have a healthy relationship and how to identify when someone is not genuinely interested or compatible with me.
I believe that love's no friend of mine
Based on my past experiences with love and relationships, I have come to think that love is not something that has brought me happiness or good fortune.
And I wonder
I'm filled with curiosity or even doubt about why things happen the way they do or why I have been unsuccessful in finding true love.
I wonder why a real life
I question and ponder why it's so difficult to have a fulfilling and authentic partnership or connection with someone that matches my expectations and values.
Always is so hard to find
It seems like it's a constant challenge to meet someone who shares the same desires and interests as me and who would make a great companion or partner.
Hard to leave it all behind
It's difficult to move on from past relationships or experiences when they've left such a deep impact or imprint on my heart and mind.
But I believe that one day
Despite the difficulties and heartbreaks I've faced, I hold on to the hope and faith that someday I will find the person who is meant for me and that will make it all worthwhile.
I will find my one true love
I am certain that there is someone out there who is meant to be my partner and that we will be able to experience true and fulfilling love together.
Through the night of darkest winter
Even though it may seem like a bleak or dark time, I am confident that love will find its way to me, just as the dawn brings a new day after the darkness of night.
I can't count the times I've cried
My experiences with love and relationships have been largely negative and have caused me much emotional pain and heartache, to the point where I've lost count of how many times I've shed tears over it.
It's so hard to understand
I struggle to comprehend why things have worked out the way they have or why love has been so elusive for me, despite my best efforts and intentions.
Still my tears just haven't dried
Even though it's been a while since I've experienced disappointment or heartbreak, the pain still lingers and I haven't been able to fully recover emotionally.
Used to be so very easy
In the past, it was much simpler for me to open my heart and love without reservation or hesitation, but now I am more guarded and discerning in who I give my heart to.
Just to give my heart away
I used to be more impulsive and willing to take risks in love, but now I am more cautious and hesitant to put myself out there, knowing the potential for pain and heartbreak.
Now I've learned to save it for a special day
I've gained wisdom and experience over time that has taught me to be patient and wait for the right person to come into my life, rather than settling for less or rushing into something with someone who isn't right for me.
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Written by: STIG ANDERSON, BENNY ANDERSSON, BJOERN K ULVAEUS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Luis Rodriguez
My best song ever!