Pirates
Mike Nawrocki/Phil Vischer Lyrics

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Narrator: "Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up
the infamous gang of scalliwags, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!"
Larry, Pa, Mr. Lunt: "We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just
stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just
tell you ..."
Larry: "We don't do anything!"
Pa: "Well, I've never been Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and
I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been

to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in
the fall."
All: "'cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home
and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you
.."
Mr. Lunt: "We don't do anything. And I never hoist the mainstay and I
never swab the poop deck, and I never veer to starboard 'cause I never
sail at all, and I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a
parrot, and I've never been to Boston in the fall."
All: "'cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay at home
and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you
.. We don't do anything!"
Larry: "Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at
ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall,
and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and
I've never been to Boston in the fall!"
Pa: "Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed
potatoes have to do with being a pirate??"
Mr. Lunt: "Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-why
things!"
Larry: "Oh ..."
Pa: "And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even
bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?"
Mr. Lunt: "I think you look like Cap'n Crunch!"
Pa: "Huh? No I don't!"
Mr. Lunt: "Do too."
Pa: "Do not!"
Mr. Lunt: "You're making me hungry."
Pa: "That's it, you're walkin' the plank!"
Mr. Lunt: "Says who?"
Pa: "Says the captain, that's who!"
Mr. Lunt: "Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch!"
Larry: "And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a
stink bug, and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and
I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings ..."

Pa: "You just don't get it!"
All: "And we've never been to Boston in the fall!"

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Mike Nawrocki's song The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, tells the story of a group of pirates, Larry, Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who do not do anything. The three claim that they have never done anything that is associated with being a pirate, such as hoisting the mainstay, veering to starboard, or walking the plank. Instead of engaging in the activities that pirates usually do, they just lie around at home. This song is about embracing laziness and shunning adventure.

Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt are quick to point out the absurdities in Larry's claims of never kissing a chipmunk, licking a spark plug, or baking daisies on a big red rubber ball. Through their comedic exchange, it becomes clear that the song is not meant to be taken too seriously, and the audience is meant to find humor in the absurdity of the lyrics.

Overall, the song celebrates the idea of being content with who you are and not feeling the need to conform to societal expectations. It suggests that it is okay to be lazy and not engage in activities that are commonly associated with being "productive."

Line by Line Meaning

Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up the infamous gang of scalliwags, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!
Larry is joined by his crewmates, Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who are known as the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ...
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything are idle pirates who refuse to do anything and will simply tell you so if you ask them.

We don't do anything!
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything truly do not engage in any activities or tasks.

Well, I've never been Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in the fall.
Pa Grape has never been to Greenland, Denver, St. Louis, St. Paul, Moscow, Tampa, or Boston in the fall.

'cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ..
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything repeat their assertion that they do not do anything and will inform you of this fact if you ask them to do something.

We don't do anything. And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck, and I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all, and I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a parrot, and I've never been to Boston in the fall.
Mr. Lunt has never engaged in the traditional duties of a pirate such as hoisting the mainstay, swabbing the poop deck, sailing, walking the gangplank, or owning a parrot, and he has also never been to Boston in the fall.

Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and I've never been to Boston in the fall!
Larry has never engaged in odd or unsavory behavior such as plucking a rooster, throwing food against the wall, or kissing a chipmunk. He has also never had head lice or been to Boston in the fall.

Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate??
Pa Grape questions why Larry is bringing up unrelated topics like roosters and mashed potatoes when they are supposed to be singing about pirate-related things.

Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-why things!
Mr. Lunt agrees with Pa Grape that the song should focus on pirate-related topics.

And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?
Pa Grape questions why Larry would even suggest kissing a chipmunk, deeming it nonsense and irrelevant to the topic at hand. He asks for Mr. Lunt's opinion on the matter.

I think you look like Cap'n Crunch!
Mr. Lunt makes a random and humorous comparison, stating that Pa Grape resembles the character Cap'n Crunch.

Huh? No I don't!
Pa Grape denies Mr. Lunt's comparison to Cap'n Crunch.

Do too.
Mr. Lunt insists that Pa Grape does resemble Cap'n Crunch.

You're making me hungry.
Mr. Lunt jokes that Pa Grape's comparison to Cap'n Crunch is making him hungry.

That's it, you're walkin' the plank!
Pa Grape threatens to make Mr. Lunt walk the plank, a traditional punishment for misbehavior on a pirate ship.

Says who?
Mr. Lunt questions Pa Grape's authority to make him walk the plank.

Says the captain, that's who!
Pa Grape asserts that the captain of the pirate ship is the one who has the power to order Mr. Lunt to walk the plank.

Oh, yeah? Aye, aye, Cap'n Crunch!
Mr. Lunt mockingly agrees to walk the plank, but uses the name Cap'n Crunch instead of addressing Pa Grape as captain.

You just don't get it!
Pa Grape expresses frustration and disbelief that Larry and Mr. Lunt are not taking the song seriously or focusing on pirate-related topics.

And we've never been to Boston in the fall!
All three Pirates Who Don't Do Anything reiterate that they have never been to Boston in the fall, as they have previously mentioned.

Lyrics © OBO APRA/AMCOS

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