Professional Pirate
Muppets Lyrics

When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation
As a young boy seeking direction for my future career

My father said "Now son, this choice deserves deliberation
My dad advised me to consider all options with careful thought

Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier
Although you have talents for being a physician or managing finances

My boy why not consider a more challenging career
Why not entertain the idea of a more exciting profession?

Hey ho ho
A phrase of encouragement

You'll cruise to foreign shores
You'll travel to distant lands

And you'll keep your mind and body sound
You'll remain mentally and physically healthy

By working out of doors
By working outside

True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without
We crave companionship and thrilling experiences

And when you're a professional pirate
If you pursue piracy as a vocation

Bad Polly: That's what the job's about
That's the essence of the profession, as stated by a crewmate named Polly

Upstage, lads, this is my ONLY number!
Give me your full attention, this is my one big performance

Now take Sir Francis Drake, the Spanish all despise him
Using Drake as an example, the Spanish loathe him for being a pirate

But to the British he's a hero and they idolize him
However, to the British, he's a celebrated figure to be admired

It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good
The perception of pirates is based on one's perspective

And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood
I regard us as members of an honorable group

Hey ho ho
A phrase of encouragement

We're honorable men
We are respectable gentlemen

And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten
Rather than reacting impulsively, we'll take a moment to control our emotions

On occasion there may be someone you have to execute
In certain circumstances, it might be necessary to kill someone

But when your a professional pirate
However, if you're a pirate by profession

You don't have to wear a suit, what?
You don't have to conform to traditional attire, right?

I could have been a surgeon
I had the potential to become a skilled medical practitioner

I like taking things apart
I enjoy disassembling things

I could have been a lawyer
I had the potential to pursue law as a profession

But I just had too much heart
However, I had more aspiration for adventure than those occupations could provide

I could have been in politics
I had the potential to pursue a career in politics

'Cause I've always been a big spender
Due to my tendency to spend money extravagantly

And me
Also, concerning myself

I could have been a contender
I had potential to be a promising competitor in a vocation

Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated
Some people contend pirates commit theft and deserve fear and revulsion

I say we're victims of bad press it's all exaggerated
However, I argue that we are unjustly portrayed in a negative light by the media

We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat
We would never betray you by acting deceitfully

We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet
On the contrary, we are quite amicable and personable

Long John's speech
Long John Silver's statement

Hey ho ho
A phrase of encouragement

It's one for all for one
We are a team, and we help each other out

And we'll share and share alike with you and love you like a son
We'll share everything with you and care about you deeply

We're gentlemen of fortune and that's what we're proud to be
We are noble pirates, and we are content with that distinction

And when your a professional pirate
If you become a pirate by profession

Long John: You'll be honest brave and free
Long John Silver assures that you'll be truthful, courageous, and liberated

The soul of decency
You will embody the qualities of uprightness and morality

You'll be loyal and fair and on the square
You'll remain faithful and impartial, adhering strictly to the rules

And most importantly
Above all else

When you're a professional pirate
When you pursue piracy as a vocation

You're always in the best of company
You're always among the best and closest of friends