Lady Bird
Nancy Sinatra Featuring Lee Hazlewood Lyrics

He's never caught one spy untold
Despite his title of secret agent, he has never actually caught a spy.

He's never even caught a cold
He's never been sick or incapacitated during his tenure as a secret agent.

Got his degree from Disney Land
His training as a secret agent was not extensive or professional, as evidenced by his degree from an amusement park.

But he's the last of the secret agents
Despite his lack of competence, he is still the remaining secret agent in existence.

And he's my man
Despite his flaws, the artist has a romantic attachment to him.

He's an underwhelming kind of sleuth
He is not particularly impressive or skilled at being a detective.

He thinks James Bond is some kind of suit
He does not understand the cultural significance of James Bond and the role of a secret agent.

He's farther back than also ran
He is so poorly performing that even a losing candidate would be considered ahead of him.

He'd come in third in a two-horse race
He would still be defeated in a race with only two competitors.

I've never had to slap his face
He has not been physically violent or inappropriate towards the artist.

(What a shame)
The fact that people do not understand his incompetence is a shameful situation.

But people try to understand
Despite appearing incompetent, others try to rationalize or make excuses for his poor performance.

He's the last of the secret agents
Emphasizes the fact that he is the final remaining secret agent in existence.

And he's my man
The singer romantically and personally identifies with the final secret agent.