Emily's First Communion
Old Gray Lyrics


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I watched the sun set in your eyes for the last time. I thought you died that night.
You called me to tell me you wouldn’t survive. I heard the wind blowing through your hair.
I would’ve given anything to be there. I could have sworn that I was.
It’s not that I want to die, I just want to disappear.

Do you think that I still dream of you or long for the warmth that your body would provide?
Winter has never felt like it lasted for so long, but I’ve grown used to the cold,
and I know that you see there’s no warmth where you are.

So I embrace the parts of myself that I long to change.
Is this the face that you were waiting to see?
I embrace the parts that I hate because they remind me of when we were nearly the same.
Find me where eyes are afraid to meet, where held hands can cripple fingers.
That’s how strong our love could be. But I’m still so scared.

I am so scared by the things I cannot see.
Like the simple idea I don’t keep you up at night with a smile tickling of your mouth.
Share my collapse, there’s enough weight here to bury us both.





It’s just another dream.
It’s just another dream.

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of "Emily's First Communion" by Old Gray are filled with raw emotion and pain, describing the singer's memories of a past relationship and their struggle to move on. The opening lines set a somber tone, with the singer describing the last time they saw their partner, watching the sunset in their eyes as if it was the last time they would ever see them alive. The reference to thinking they died that night implies a traumatic event or a devastating breakup that left the singer feeling lost and alone.


The next lines reveal that the partner called the singer to tell them they wouldn't survive, implying that there was a serious illness or possibly even suicidal thoughts involved. The singer longs to be there for their partner, but feels powerless to help them, as they hear only the sound of wind blowing through their hair. The lines "It's not that I want to die, I just want to disappear" capture the singer's struggle with the overwhelming weight of their emotions and their desire to escape from it all.


The second verse continues with the theme of longing for the past, with the singer wondering if they still dream of their partner and longing for the warmth and comfort they provided. However, they also acknowledge that they have grown used to the cold and are resigned to the fact that their partner is no longer with them. The lines "I embrace the parts of myself that I long to change" suggest that the singer is trying to move on by accepting their flaws and working on self-improvement. But despite this, they are still scared of the unknown and what might lie ahead.


Line by Line Meaning

I watched the sun set in your eyes for the last time. I thought you died that night.
As I looked into your eyes during your last sunset, I felt like you were leaving me forever, and it was like you died that night.


You called me to tell me you wouldn't survive. I heard the wind blowing through your hair.
You contacted me to inform me that you might not make it, and I could hear the wind rustling through your hair in the background.


I would've given anything to be there. I could have sworn that I was.
I wished I could have been physically present with you, but it felt like I was there with you in spirit.


It's not that I want to die, I just want to disappear.
I don't have a death wish, but I desire to vanish from this world.


Do you think that I still dream of you or long for the warmth that your body would provide? Winter has never felt like it lasted for so long, but I've grown used to the cold, and I know that you see there's no warmth where you are.
Do you believe that I still envision you or yearn for the physical comfort that comes from being near you? The winter season appears more lengthy than usual, but I've become accustomed to the coldness, and I understand that you can't feel warmth anymore.


So I embrace the parts of myself that I long to change. Is this the face that you were waiting to see?
Therefore, I accept and come to terms with the aspects of myself that I seek to transform. Is this the face that you wanted to witness?


I embrace the parts that I hate because they remind me of when we were nearly the same. Find me where eyes are afraid to meet, where held hands can cripple fingers. That's how strong our love could be. But I'm still so scared.
I embrace the qualities that I detest about myself since they remind me of when we were alike. Discover me in a place where eyes cannot meet and holding hands can cause anguish. That's the extent of how intense our love was. However, I'm still frightened.


I am so scared by the things I cannot see. Like the simple idea I don't keep you up at night with a smile tickling of your mouth. Share my collapse, there's enough weight here to bury us both.
I'm petrified of the things that I cannot perceive or comprehend. For example, the idea that I don't cause you to stay awake at night with a grin on your face. Share in my disintegration, there's enough emotional burden here to crush us both.


It's just another dream.
It's merely another illusion or figment of my imagination.


It's just another dream.
It's simply another dream.




Contributed by Molly P. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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Comments from YouTube:

Katara

"It's not that I want to die, I just want to disappear"

Jonathan Mitchell

Amazing song

Denisz Buhran

oh what a surprise I still need to listen to this to survive

Jalen Starr

love the sound

Tessa Emily

beyond words

BritishCig

I love that theres only one dislike on this video

Katara

2* lol

Amortentia Lain

Lyrics ♥♥♥

Denisz Buhran

thanks for letting me survive last winter

Casper Eleam

This song is what made me notice the Carrisa's Wierd in Old Gray.

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