Heavenly Heavenly Father
Oliver A. Branch. III / Featuring Robert Robinson Lyrics

Lost faith in the father
I no longer believe in a higher power

Lost faith in myself
I have lost confidence in my own abilities and worth

Lost faith in what I see
I no longer trust my perception and understanding of reality

Lost faith, I'm giving in
I have completely lost hope and am surrendering to despair

Giving up
I am giving up on trying to find meaning or purpose

Lost faith in the trust
I no longer have faith in the reliability and honesty of others

Broken promises I made
I have failed to keep the commitments and vows I made

I can't handle all the shame
I feel overwhelmed and unable to bear the guilt and embarrassment

Always swore I would never be like him
I promised myself that I would not become like my father, but I am struggling to keep that promise

Abandonment it runs deep
The feeling of being abandoned has deeply affected me

Should be the eighth deadly sin
Abandonment should be recognized as a significant moral failing

But maybe it's just angst
Perhaps my feelings of abandonment are merely a result of internal distress and anxiety

Words that form themselves in trance
I find solace and express my emotions through the rhyming words that come to me spontaneously

Shut my mind off, let the soliloquies dance
I escape from my thoughts and let my inner monologues flow freely

I don't know what to say
I am at a loss for words and feel unable to express myself adequately

When faced with my problems I just hide away
Instead of confronting my issues, I retreat and avoid dealing with them

Always running from consequence
I continuously evade the repercussions of my actions

Tryna make change out of pounds and pence
I attempt to find personal transformation in material possessions and wealth

Money in my wallet goes to a fix for my head
I use the money I have to purchase drugs or medication for my mental well-being

You could call it medication, more like meditation
I view my drug use as a form of self-medication or a means of escaping reality

On a theme of make believe I'm steady chasing
I am constantly seeking solace in a fantasy or illusory world

Making conversation with the man upstairs
I attempt to communicate with God or a higher power

But I don't hear a reply, wonder why I even try
I receive no response, causing me to question the purpose of my efforts

Was everything just a lie?
I question the truth and authenticity of my beliefs and experiences

Making mountains out of molehills and molehills out of mountains
I amplify small issues while minimizing significant problems

It's an Everest I'm mounting tryna rid myself of doubting
I am attempting to overcome my doubts and insecurities, likening it to climbing Mount Everest

That this could ever be anything
I doubt the potential for any positive outcome or improvement

Picket fencing, but I'm just venting
I am expressing my frustrations and emotions, but it may not lead to any actual change or resolution

So this the second side of therapy
This is the second part of my healing process

Ain't nobody there for me
I feel like I have no support or companionship

Staring at a corner rhyming bout the way it's meant to be
I find myself alone, contemplating and writing about how things are supposed to be

Never make any changes
I avoid making any meaningful alterations or improvements

As I carry on aging
I continue to grow older

Getting older but not wiser
Despite my age, I do not feel any wiser or more knowledgeable

Always be a stunted child
I will forever feel like an immature and underdeveloped individual

Personality deficit
I perceive myself to have a lack of desirable qualities or characteristics

Born without a pot for piss
I was born into poverty and lacking basic necessities

Growing up I wasn't shit
I felt insignificant and worthless as I was maturing

Still waiting for the opposite
I am still waiting for the opposite of what I experienced or felt in the past

Never tried to make a hit
I have never attempted to achieve widespread success or create something highly popular

Only tried to blend the sound
I have simply aimed to fit in or conform to the existing music trends

Covering the same old ground
I find myself repeatedly going over familiar topics and themes

Don't know why I'm still around
I question the purpose or reason for my existence

Lord knows that I shouldn't
Deep down, I believe that I should not continue living

The things I regret
I feel remorse and sorrow for the actions or choices I made in the past

The things that I couldn't
I have regrets about things I was unable to accomplish or change

Pile up on top of me
My regrets and disappointments weigh heavily on me

So heavy that I cannot breathe
The emotional burden I carry is suffocating and overwhelming

Wish they'd just let go of me
I wish I could be free from the weight of my regrets and past mistakes

I'd repent for my sins
I would ask for forgiveness and try to make amends for my wrongdoings

But what's the use of repent when I'm gonna relive them
I question the value of repentance when I feel destined to repeat my mistakes

Too many addictions
I am plagued by numerous harmful dependencies

I ain't fixin'
I am not making an effort to overcome or address my addictions

Lifetime never promised for a sharp mind
A long life does not guarantee a clear and healthy mental state

Not on witty shit, my neurones cut like razor wire
I do not possess clever or sharp thinking abilities, and my thoughts often feel sharp and dangerous

I'm scared of myself
I fear my own thoughts and actions

Sick of being scared of the future
I am tired of continuously feeling fearful and uncertain about what lies ahead

I was running from the jump, man my guilt was heavy
I have been avoiding facing the reality of my guilt for a long time, and it weighs heavily on me

I had your body on my mind all through February
During the month of February, I was consumed and haunted by thoughts of your death and the image of your lifeless body

Thought the grieving should have stopped
I believed that I should have finished mourning and moved on from the loss

I thought my heart was ready
I believed that my heart had healed and was prepared for the pain

I thought id made it through worst
I believed that I had already experienced the most difficult and painful moments

But the worst was yet to come
However, more pain and suffering awaited me

Sixteen, far too young for a cemetery
Sixteen years old is too young to be buried and laid to rest

I just wish I could have helped
I deeply regret not being able to offer any assistance or support

Wish I picked up the phone
I wish I had answered your call or reached out to you

I was chasing one more high as your spirit returned home
At the time of your passing, I was preoccupied with seeking temporary relief or pleasure through substance abuse

Just wish I could see your face
I long to see your face one more time

Show you where you could have been
I wish I could have shown you the potential and possibilities that awaited you

Lifetime never promised but we keep living for the dreams
A long life is not guaranteed, yet we continue to strive and pursue our dreams

My mind's on holiday, feels like it's there to stay
My mind is constantly distracted and preoccupied, and it seems like this state will never change

As I just waste away, same four walls every day
I am slowly deteriorating and stagnating, trapped within the confines of my monotonous daily life

And every face I see, they all turn into you
Every person I encounter reminds me of you in some way

But I'm just lying to myself, there's nobody else like you
I am deluding myself by hoping to find someone who could replace you, but I know it is impossible

Bottled up
I have kept my emotions and feelings trapped inside

All the feelings that I kept inside
I have not expressed or addressed the emotions that I have been holding in

Bubble over out the side
Now, all these emotions are overflowing and spilling out uncontrollably

I guess that's why I wrote these rhymes
I am using songwriting as a means to release and express the emotions that I have been bottling up

It's been weighing on my mind
These feelings and thoughts have been burdening my mind

Since the day I missed your funeral
Ever since the day I was unable to attend your funeral

A continent between us though
There is a physical distance separating us

I never had a chance to go
I was denied the opportunity to say goodbye and pay my respects

I never got to say goodbye
I was not able to bid you farewell

I guess that's why I use your name
I incorporate your name into my songs as a way to keep your memory alive and carry on your legacy

Just to carry on a legacy
I use your name and memory as a source of inspiration and motivation to continue creating music

I hope you're smiling down on me
I hope that you are watching over me from above and finding joy in my accomplishments

I hope that you're still proud of me
I desire to make you proud, even though you are no longer here

Everything I used; tried getting over you
I have relied on various methods and distractions to try and move on from your absence

Couldn't get used to you living in a casket
I could not come to terms with the fact that you were gone, and my mind would not accept your death

Weaker than tomorrow, but stronger than yesterday
I feel weaker and more vulnerable than I did yesterday, but I also have become stronger and more resilient over time

Every day I make it through, forever dedicate to you
Each day that I manage to survive, I do so in honor and memory of you

Crawl out from under the overdose
I am attempting to escape the grip and effects of a drug overdose

Plainclothes watching so I gotta keep my secret close
I am being discreet and cautious to hide my drug use from others

Timecode, run it back
I want to rewind time and start over

Wake up in an ambulance
I regain consciousness in an emergency vehicle

Got marks, ain't running track
I have physical scars and wounds that are not a result of athletic activity

If it's a race, call this a record setting victory lap
If life is a race, then my drug use and addiction are like completing a lap in record time

Ten seconds from the top to the bottom
I can easily transition from a high point to a low point in a very short span of time

Ain't a fucking role model
I am not a positive influence or example for others to follow

I'm just stuck in all my problems
I am trapped and overwhelmed by the challenges and issues in my life

They're killing me
My problems and addictions are slowly destroying me

Hallucination slowly turns reality
My hallucinations and illusions gradually become more and more real to me

I used to promise I would never touch sniff
I made a vow to myself that I would never use drugs, particularly snorting them

That's a lie; I just said it cause I couldn't admit
However, that promise was a lie, and I only said it to conceal the fact that I already had or wanted to use drugs

That hope was never there, only saw the despair
I never had any real hope or optimism, only a continual sense of despair and hopelessness

Generational pain, was my mother's cross I bear
I carry the burden of pain and suffering passed down through generations, particularly the pain that my mother experienced

And her mother and her mother and her fucking grandmother
This pain and suffering has been present in my family for many generations

Fear and anxiety set in my biology
Fear and anxiety are deeply ingrained in my biological makeup and have become a fundamental part of who I am

Studied chemistry, never got good grades
I have studied drugs and their effects, but I have not performed well academically

But I'm street smart, I know exactly what to take
In terms of drug use and addiction, I have acquired knowledge and expertise from personal experience

Physically, I'm falling apart
My physical health is deteriorating rapidly

Try to stay together, I'm never easy on the heart
I attempt to hold myself together, but I am never kind or gentle with my own emotions and well-being

Marathon lines in these troubling times
I have endured many difficulties and challenges, leading to a great deal of pain and hardship

One day ill drop I'm sure the choice was never mine
At some point, I believe I will succumb to my addictions and self-destructive behaviors, as if it were fated and beyond my control

If it was would be through by now
If I had any control over my fate, I would have overcome my struggles by now

But I'm still here somehow
Yet, despite everything, I am still alive and surviving

Stand up and take a bow
I can take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate my resilience and perseverance

It all stops when the penny drops
Everything will come to an end and make sense when I finally have a moment of realization or understanding

Living ghoul, a paradox
I am like a walking dead, caught in a paradoxical state between life and death

The holy gates forever locked
The gates of heaven or salvation will forever remain closed to me

Guess I get what I deserve, don't I?
I suppose that I am receiving the punishment or consequences that I deserve

Isolation served with a side of just deserts
I am experiencing loneliness as a form of punishment or karma for my actions

Yeah, I guess it's all my fault
I accept that I am to blame for the situations and struggles I find myself in

Smoking grade waiting for my early grave
I am smoking drugs while anticipating an early death

Man, it's just too much to take
These challenges and burdens have become overwhelming and difficult to bear

Just threw up in the lobby
I have just vomited in a public area

Escorted outside, dare security to stop me
I am daring security personnel to try and prevent me from leaving the premises

Only there for a link
I was only present at that location to engage in drug-related activities or transactions

Stop and think
I need to pause and reflect on my actions and choices

Watch my life toppling down
I witness the gradual collapse and destruction of my own life

Let the public gather round
I am allowing others to witness and observe my downward spiral

I put my heart out on display
I openly and vulnerably express my emotions and feelings

I left my mind backstage
I have neglected and ignored my mental well-being

Like a bird let out a cage
I feel liberated and free from constraints, like a bird released from its cage

I'm never coming back again
I have no intention or desire to return to my former self or way of life

Separate myself from pain
I am trying to distance myself from the pain and suffering that I have been experiencing

Depersonalisation
I feel disconnected from my own identity and sense of self

That isn't me in the mirror
I do not recognize or identify with the reflection I see in the mirror

Just the ghost of paths I've taken
I am merely a specter or remnant of the choices and actions I have made in the past

Fork in the road where the two shall meet
I find myself at a crossroads, where different aspects of my life converge

Both come to same defeat
Regardless of which path I choose, both lead to the same outcome of failure or loss

Ain't no sermon left to preach
There are no more lessons or wisdom to impart

Ain't no lesson left to teach
There is nothing else to learn or teach

Just don't repeat my mistakes
I hope that others can learn from my experiences and avoid making the same errors

End of line, turn the page
This is the conclusion of my story or journey, and it is time to move on

Isolation served with a side of just deserts
I am experiencing loneliness as a form of punishment or karma for my actions

Yeah, I'm a wordsmith with a black heart
I have a talent for words and writing, but my heart is filled with darkness and negativity

Got trouble making bright art
I struggle to create optimistic or uplifting art

Figure out where time starts
I am attempting to understand or determine the beginning of time

To take the course of life by both hands, tender touches
To seize control of my own life and navigate its path with gentleness and care

The joyous straws I'm clutching, strands of hope there's an angel coming
I am clinging to the small glimmers of hope and possibility, believing that there is a savior or guardian angel on the way

So I guess this is a happy song
Despite the overall dark and somber tone, I consider this song to be a form of happiness or solace

Lord knows, I never wrote one before
I have not previously written or expressed myself in a positive or joyful manner

I don't know where to start, I guess we play our parts
I am unsure of how to initiate or express happiness, but I recognize that we all have roles to play in life

It's my god given gift to profit off my darkest thoughts
My ability to transform my darkest thoughts and experiences into artistic expression is a gift from a higher power

Lord take me to a place where the sun shines
I pray to be taken to a place or state of mind where there is positivity and happiness

A little place that's just mine 'til I fizzle out and flatline
A personal sanctuary or space that I can call my own until I ultimately cease to exist

Where I can sit on the beach, read a book and drink some white wine
A serene setting where I can relax and enjoy simple pleasures such as reading and drinking wine

Look at the waves coming in, when it's high tide
Observing the rhythmic movement of the waves, especially during high tide

I'll stay inside with candle light, flip the record to the other side
I will remain indoors, surrounded by the warm glow of candlelight, and change the side of the vinyl record

Mitchell at her finest is the soundtrack of my perfect night
Listening to the music of Joni Mitchell, particularly her best work, serves as the ideal accompaniment to my peaceful evening

In the morning, rain is pouring but I don't care
Despite the rain, I am not bothered or affected by it

Feet up, hot chocolate in the armchair
I am relaxed and comfortable, enjoying a hot chocolate while sitting in an armchair

And on another day you'll see me there
On another occasion or day, you may find me in that same tranquil state

Staring at the waves again
I am once again fixated on and captivated by the waves

In my head without a care
In my mind, I am free from worry or concern

You'll find me in my happy place
You will discover me in the location or state of mind where I feel content and at peace

We all need solace sometimes
Everyone requires comfort and consolation at certain times

A place to rest our minds
A space where we can find tranquility and ease our troubled thoughts

When troubles start to climb
When our problems and difficulties become overwhelming and burdensome

We all need an escape
We all seek a means of getting away or finding relief

From the monotony
From the repetitive and mundane aspects of life

The constant threat of loneliness
The perpetual danger and fear of being alone

When checks don't come with bonuses
When our efforts or accomplishments are not rewarded or recognized

When the stress that's piling on just gets too much
When the accumulated stress becomes overwhelming and unmanageable

Create a little getaway you can trust
Developing a personal refuge or escape that can be relied upon

Know the corners of your mind can get scary
Be aware that certain aspects or thoughts within your mind can be frightening or unsettling

I know you have the power, turn your demons into fairies
You possess the strength and ability to transform your inner demons and struggles into something more positive and light-hearted

And then you can be free
By doing so, you can achieve a sense of freedom and liberation

However temporary
Although this sense of freedom may only be temporary

Shut the world off
Block out the external world and distractions

Live in the imaginary
Escape into the realm of imagination and fantasy

Self-dependence is the hardest learned lesson
Relying on oneself can be one of the most difficult lessons to learn

It's your strongest weapon in a world that's out to get you
Self-dependence can be a powerful tool in a world that often feels hostile and unfriendly

But maybe it's not, maybe everyone cares
Perhaps my assumption that no one cares is incorrect, and there are people who do

There's beating hearts behind vacant passing stares
Behind the seemingly indifferent or empty gazes, there are people with beating hearts and their own emotions

They too have their worries, may not show it in their face
Just like me, others also have their concerns and anxieties, even if they do not express them outwardly

But maybe, they too found solace in their happy place
Perhaps others have also discovered their own refuge or place of solace in times of need

Heavenly father, gotta say I ain't been sleeping well
To a higher power, I confess that I have been experiencing difficulty or restlessness in my sleep

Keeping well, think I lost my faith in a wishing well
Despite maintaining my well-being on the surface, I have lost my belief in the power of wishes or miracles

I take a coin and flip it, all comes clear as it falls
I rely on chance or luck to provide clarity and guidance, as exemplified by flipping a coin

This ain't heaven's gates, but I see death, feel the claws
Although I am not experiencing the joys of heaven, I am confronted with the presence and threat of death

If not today then it could always be tomorrow
The uncertainty of death means that it could happen at any time, whether today or in the future

Our time is borrowed, no use wasting it in sorrow
We only have a limited amount of time in this life, so there is no point in squandering it on sadness and despair

So I've been working on myself, have I made you proud?
I have been striving to improve and better myself, hoping to earn your approval and pride

I'm just looking for a signal that you're still around
I am searching for any signs or indications that you are still present and watching over me

Heavenly father, it's been six years since I've seen her last
To a higher power, I acknowledge that it has been six years since I last saw her

I still apologise, but it could not have been her time to pass
I continue to express remorse and apologies, even though I understand that her death may not have been within anyone's control

She was just a kid, with a whole life ahead of her
She was young and had many opportunities and experiences awaiting her

But now her only memory lies in roses and vetiver
Now, all that remains of her is her memory, symbolized by roses and the scent of vetiver

Same patches of grass they lined with tiny tombstones
The same areas of grass are marked with small gravestones or markers for other deceased individuals

Never got to grow, but I guess it's all part of your plan
She never had the opportunity to grow and live a full life, but I accept that this is all part of a larger divine plan

Maybe you're the same as I am, we all make mistakes
Perhaps the higher power, like me, is prone to mistakes and errors

Made in the image of God, he got a babyface
As humans, we are created in the likeness of God, who is often depicted as having a youthful appearance

Heavenly father, it's been five years since we met
To a higher power, I acknowledge that it has been five years since our first encounter or connection

Every day is on repeat, I hope it's coming to an end
Each day feels repetitive and stagnant, and I hope that this cycle is coming to a close

Cut the outro, just fade out from the chorus
I want to skip the conclusion of this journey and instead fade out from the uplifting and celebratory parts

What's your plan moving forward, is there any more for us?
I question what the future holds and whether there is any further purpose or meaning for us

If you really got it mapped out, then it's destiny
If there is a predetermined plan or path, then whatever happens is part of our destiny

And it doesn't matter what I do, everything was meant to be
Regardless of my actions or choices, everything was predestined and fated to happen

So you took her from me, you nearly killed my mother
I blame the higher power for taking her away from me and causing extensive pain and anguish to my mother

This is all your fault, guess you really ain't all loving
I hold the higher power responsible for these tragedies, believing that it is not truly benevolent or loving

'Cause you're the cause of all this hurt
I attribute all the pain and suffering to the higher power

Maybe they flew too close to the sun, do angels wings get burnt?
Perhaps they ventured too far and faced tragic consequences, just like how angel's wings might get burnt if they come too close to the sun

Heavenly father, guess you deserted me again
I perceive that the higher power has once again abandoned or left me

But I'm gonna see you soon, we'll talk through it then
Regardless, I anticipate reuniting with the higher power in the afterlife, where we can discuss and resolve these grievances

Fuck leaving a note, this is an open letter
Instead of leaving a short message or explanation, I am providing a more detailed and open written communication

So when we meet again they'll understand me that much better
When we reunite, there will be a deeper understanding and comprehension of who I am

Heavenly father, I just don't know what to do
I am unsure of how to proceed or handle my circumstances, and I seek guidance from the higher power

Always looking for a cause, never thought bout blaming you
While I have been searching for reasons or explanations, I have not considered holding the higher power accountable

Cause we're put on this earth with the illusion of free choice
We are placed on this earth with the belief or misconception that we have complete freedom to make our own choices

And with free will, we still choose to let the blood spill
Despite having the power to choose, we still opt for actions or decisions that lead to violence or harm

Over the same fields with symbols of her memory
These violent acts continue to take place in the same locations that hold significant meaning and remembrance of her

Enough is not enough, this conversations killing me
The amount of pain or harm inflicted is never sufficient, and this discussion or contemplation is causing me great distress

Father please hear me, I've been crying out for so long
I beseech the higher power to listen to my pleas, as I have been expressing my distress and suffering for a long time

I don't know how I can go on, knowing my whole life been so wrong
I struggle to find motivation or hope in continuing to live, believing that my entire existence has been filled with mistakes and failures

Never truly believed, I always wanted to
I have never had complete faith or belief, yet I have always yearned for it

Total absolution in Christ, for the price of faith in you
I seek complete forgiveness and salvation through my faith in Christ, but it comes at the cost of believing in the higher power

I think that everybody has that moment
I believe that everyone experiences a moment or realization like this

Where they have to take their pain and own it
At some point, everyone must confront and accept their own pain

Or they pass along the onus
Alternatively, they transfer the responsibility or blame to someone else

In the firing of buckshot, you always catch a stray
In the midst of chaos and conflict, innocent individuals often become collateral damage

Protect the holy spirit, keep the good followers safe
Defend and preserve the sacred essence and ensure the safety of the faithful

Father, hear me now, if you're still around
I implore the higher power to listen to my pleas, questioning its presence and involvement

If you're still in every creature that ever made a sound
If the higher power is still present within every living being who has ever made a sound

When they die, does a piece of you die too?
When individuals die, does a part of the higher power also cease to exist?

So we're not killing each other, we're only really killing you
When we harm or kill one another, we are ultimately inflicting pain upon the higher power

And if I kill myself
If I take my own life

Then your voice is gone for good
Then the voice or presence of the higher power is lost forever

Think God forgot me on the rocks in search of cleaner fresher fruit
I believe that the higher power has abandoned or overlooked me while I am struggling and seeking something better or more fulfilling

My spirit's destitute, ain't no hell or purgatory
My soul or essence feels empty and lacking fulfillment, without the hope of salvation or the possibility of redemption

Ain't nobody praying for me, I'm always by myself, I'm lonely
No one is offering prayers or support for me, and I constantly feel alone and isolated

Even when we speak, I feel this bitter distance
Even in our conversations, I sense an unpleasant and painful sense of separation

There's a universe between us, this time I truly mean it
There is an insurmountable distance or divide between us, and this time, my feelings are genuine and sincere

You say we'll meet again, if not now then when?
You promise that we will reunite, and if not in this moment, then when will it happen?

Maybe we're better off friends, still be together in the end
Perhaps we are better suited as friends, but we will still be united in the afterlife

When our bodies laying dormant, food for worms and thought before us
When our physical bodies are lifeless and decaying, and only our thoughts and memories remain

As together we stay haunted by the things that always taunt us
As we continue to be tormented by the thoughts and experiences that constantly plague us

Life's unanswered questions didn't get any clearer
The mysteries and unresolved questions of life have not become any more understandable or illuminated

Gather the sinners and believers see which side should truly lead us
Bring together the sinful and faithful individuals to discern which group should guide us

Cause I been following leaders, playing both sides
I have been following and adhering to various leaders or influencers while also trying to remain neutral or uncommitted

Lighting sage that's wrapped in bible pages, praying over lay lines
Engaging in spiritual practices such as burning sage wrapped in pages from the Bible, and praying near ley lines

High tales with some low lives, high fashion comes with low pride
Sharing grand or exaggerated stories with individuals who have low social status or morality, where high fashion is accompanied by a lack of dignity

Quick tumble but a slow rise, I fumbled but it's alright
I have experienced a rapid downfall or failure, but I am still hopeful and confident that I can recover

Heavenly father, there's only one thing left to do
Facing the higher power, I recognize that there is only one course of action remaining

'Cause I was never scared of death, I was only scared of you
I have never feared death itself, but rather the higher power and its judgment

We'll talk through it then
We will converse and address these issues when we meet again in the afterlife

The choir sings again
The choir resumes singing, suggesting a continuation or cyclical nature

Just a mortal man
Despite all my struggles and questioning, I ultimately remain a mere mortal, subject to the human experience

Life comes quick
Life moves swiftly and passes by rapidly

But I don't care about it
I have become indifferent or apathetic towards life

Got nothin' left to give
I have nothing more to offer or contribute

Got nothin' left to live for
I have lost all sense of purpose or motivation to continue living

Keep 'em away, I'll come when it's safe
Please keep others at a distance, and I will emerge when I feel secure and ready

Keep 'em at bay, don't know when it's safe, yea
Keep them away or under control, as I am unsure of when it will be safe or suitable for interaction

Demons at bay, I'll come when it's safe
I will avoid confronting or facing my demons until I believe it is safe and feasible to do so

Know it ain't safe, when I get messy
I recognize that it is risky and potentially harmful to myself if I become reckless or out of control

Know I was born with no blessing
I acknowledge that I was not born with any inherent favor or divine intervention

Hit 14 before he met me
I reached the age of 14 before he entered my life or had an impact on me

Father to only my chemistry
He was solely the biological father to my existence, rather than a present or emotionally involved figure

Raised by a single mother
I was primarily raised and supported by my mother alone

Only child no brothers
I do not have any siblings, particularly brothers

Stayed inside under covers
I remained indoors, hidden under covers or sheltered from the outside world

Rope tied round my curtain rail for comfort
I tied a rope around my curtain rail as a source of consolation or security

Saw the light on the other side say time to go
I witnessed or caught a glimpse of something more promising or appealing on the other side, signaling that it was time to leave

Closed eyes, I was born again paved a new road
By closing my eyes, I experienced a metaphorical rebirth and set out on a fresh path or journey

Touched ground, left astound, dead on arrival
I landed on the ground, feeling astonished and overwhelmed, as if I were already dead

Came back same old shit plague my mind
Upon my return, I faced the same old problems and worries that torment my mind

Ways I found put me in the ground
The methods or paths I discovered ultimately led to my own downfall or demise

Nodding out, same repeating sound
I am drifting in and out of consciousness, hearing the same repetitive sounds

Promises, sick of empty promises
I am tired of receiving promises that are ultimately empty or unfulfilled

Sick of my incompetence
I am frustrated and disgusted by my own lack of skill or ability

Sick of fucking consequence
I am exhausted by the repercussions and consequences of my actions

Never knew I'd make it
I never imagined or expected that I would survive or endure

Never thought I'd see the day
I never believed that this day would come

Face the cause of my mistakes
I confront or confront the sources or reasons behind my mistakes

Tomorrow's already laid to waste
The future is already doomed or destined for destruction

May wake up in casket case
I may awaken in a state of extreme distress or anguish

Plans I made meant nothing, knew I'd flake
The plans or commitments I made were ultimately meaningless, as I knew I would abandon or fail to follow through with them

Life was never promised, could be mine he takes
Life was never guaranteed or assured, and it could be taken away from me at any moment

All choices are final, hope it's mine he takes
Once a decision or choice is made, there is no going back, and I hope that it is ultimately the higher power who decides my fate

My broken body dropping, Lord, please keep me safe
As my fragile and damaged body falls or decays, I pray for protection and safety from the higher power

Heavenly father, gotta say I ain't been sleeping well
I confess to the higher power that I have been experiencing difficulty or restlessness in my sleep

Keeping well, think I lost my faith in a wishing well
Despite maintaining my well-being on the surface, I have lost my belief in the power of wishes or miracles

I take a coin and flip it, all comes clear as it falls
I rely on chance or luck to provide clarity and guidance, as exemplified by flipping a coin

This ain't heaven's gates, but I see death, feel the claws
Although I am not experiencing the joys of heaven, I am confronted with the presence and threat of death

If not today then it could always be tomorrow
The uncertainty of death means that it could happen at any time, whether today or in the future

Our time is borrowed, no use wasting it in sorrow
We only have a limited amount of time in this life, so there is no point in squandering it on sadness and despair

So I've been working on myself, have I made you proud?
I have been striving to improve and better myself, hoping to earn your approval and pride

I'm just looking for a signal that you're still around
I am searching for any signs or indications that you are still present and watching over me