Eyes Wide Shut
Pariah Pete Lyrics

I been shaking in my sleep
I have been experiencing intense anxiety and fear while trying to sleep

Eyes wide shut
I am consciously avoiding facing my fears and emotional pain

Tossing turning tryna find peace
I am restless and unable to find inner tranquility

My demons kill me in my dreams
The inner struggles and traumas haunt me even in my subconscious

I don't know who I can believe
I am uncertain about trusting anyone because of past betrayals and manipulation

I been living outta bag so all my shirts are wrinkled
I have been constantly on the move, lacking stability and causing disarray in my life

I been living off a tab still ain't pay yet
I have been relying on credit or borrowed money without being able to repay it

Imma pay my dues one day
I am determined to fulfill my obligations and responsibilities in the future

I feel internally in debt to those who show respect
I have a deep sense of gratitude towards those who treat me with kindness and dignity

And those who broke they neck for me
I appreciate those who went above and beyond to support and help me

Posed a threat for me, wrote a check for me
Some people who posed a danger or obstacles to me eventually contributed positively to my life

Rolled the sess lowered stressed for me
Friends or loved ones helped me relax and reduce my anxiety through recreational activities

18 living of off 19th ave
At the age of 18, I was struggling to make a living in a particular neighborhood

Where the crews carry tools and don't know they dad
In this neighborhood, many individuals are involved in dangerous activities without proper parental guidance

So we all lost
The lack of guidance and support has caused a sense of aimlessness and confusion among us

Mothers call but we keep our phones off
Even though our mothers try to reach out, we intentionally ignore their calls to avoid facing our own troubles

Say the world is yours but I wonder what the world costs
Despite the encouragement to succeed, I question the sacrifices and hardships required to achieve success

Freedom ain't free
True liberation and independence come at a great price and require sacrifice

They gave us 9-5s, now we hate our weeks
The conventional work schedule has made us resentful and dissatisfied with our lives

That's some shit I could not survive thru
I am certain that enduring such a lifestyle would be detrimental to my well-being

Rather keep an open mind why deny truth
I choose to remain receptive to different perspectives and truths instead of denying them

I'm the introvert my nature is to nurture you
As an introvert, I find fulfillment in taking care of others and providing support

I'm a homebody who is homeless
Although I prefer staying at home, I lack a stable or permanent place to call my own

I been going thru it yea
I have been facing various challenges and hardships

I was too young when my grandma died
I was unable to fully comprehend or cope with the emotional impact of my grandmother's death at a young age

No lil kid wants to see their mama crying and she lying to my eyes
It deeply affects me as a child to witness my mother's tears and witness her hiding her true emotions

Saying she's alright, knowing damn well she's been weeping every night
Despite claiming that she is fine, I am aware that she has been silently suffering and crying every night

Cuz the cancer took her bladder after that it took her soul
My grandmother's battle with cancer not only affected her physically but also caused immense emotional pain and changed her spirit

Mama crying in the kitchen, flooding up our home
The sight of my mother's tears in the kitchen creates an overwhelming atmosphere of sorrow and distress at home

My biggest fear to this day
The fear that still haunts me

Being like my father
Repeating the same negative traits and behaviors as my father

Sociopath
My father's lack of empathy and conscience

Selfish ass dad
My father's self-centered and inconsiderate nature

I was numbing all the pain - inflicting trauma in my brain
I tried to escape my emotional pain by causing more harm and trauma to myself mentally

I sat ponder on these thangs
I spend time deeply reflecting and contemplating on these matters

Driving in the rain
Metaphorically, navigating through challenging and difficult times

Across the country going to see my nephew he's 6 months
Traveling across the country to visit my 6-month-old nephew

Ill do my best to lead the way and keep him safe
I will strive to be a positive role model and protect my nephew from harm

Know tha gods always with you everyday
Understand that there is a higher power constantly watching over and guiding you

It's just fate - i just needa calm down
Accepting that certain events are predetermined, I need to find inner peace and tranquility

Needa let my guard down
I should allow myself to be vulnerable and drop my defenses

No one to call now i run but fall down
Feeling isolated and without support, I try to escape my problems but end up feeling even more defeated