Joy to the World
Paul and Brenda Neal Lyrics

My brain makes the earth dark but I'm hung like a birthmark
I may not be the smartest, but I have a unique trait that sets me apart from others, even if it's not necessarily attractive.

I like to suck toes yours secrete fructose
I have a strange fetish for toes, and for some reason, they taste sweet to me.

I make paintings based on grids just like Chuck Close
I am an artist who draws inspiration from others and uses their techniques to create my own art.

I'm old school like Aztecs but new in other aspects
I am traditional in some aspects and very modern in others.

If you want sex with me be prepared for bad sex and slapstick
I am not very good at sex, and it might even be comical or absurd.

Even Chapstick won't help my chapped dick
My genitals are dry and sore, and no amount of lubrication seems to provide relief.

When I'm with a naked chick I use a faker dick
I am self-conscious about my genitals and often use a prosthetic during sexual encounters.

A turkey baster laced with Elmer's to make it stick
I will use unconventional methods to enhance my sexual experiences.

My ex fled to Reykjavik, we really were trying
My ex-partner left the country, and even though we were committed to each other, it just didn't work out.

Ohhh your so wet, "My pussy's crying"
My partner is aroused and wet, and the sensation is so intense that it feels like they are crying.

I need an eye exam and a vagina with no diaphragm
I need to have my vision checked, and my sexual partner will not use a contraceptive diaphragm.

Or condom, I'm pond scum, I'm going to buy a lamb
I am not interested in using condoms, and I am considering buying a lamb as a pet.

And when we make love I'll picture titty humping which looks like a Venn Diagram
During sex, I will imagine a specific type of breast movement that reminds me of a Venn Diagram.

Ewww, this isn't dope I feel like I'm pissing Scope
I am not enjoying this experience, and it feels like I am urinating mouthwash.

Lamby's a misanthrope
My lamb is a misanthropist, and dislikes humans.

I asked her to stop moving, does she listen? Nope
I have asked my sexual partner to stop moving, but she does not listen to me.

The sheep was a clone so I was a creep on the phone
The sheep I was sexually attracted to was a clone, and I felt like a pervert for being attracted to it.

Now I'm sleeping alone with her photo on my nightstand in a sepia tone
I am now single and sleeping alone, but I keep a photo of my ex-partner on my nightstand in a sepia tone.

After this rap I'll be in Napoli, happily
After this rap, I will be traveling to Napoli, and I am looking forward to it.

Proposing to my chosen under an apple tree
I plan to propose to my chosen partner under an apple tree.

"Let's get married," I don't walk, I get carried
I am so excited about getting married that I feel like I am being carried by the excitement.

By a motorcade of voter-age women on rollerblades
I am being carried by a group of women who are old enough to vote, and they are all wearing rollerblades.

In cute sleeveless shirts exposing their shoulder blades
The women who are carrying me are wearing cute sleeveless shirts that expose their shoulder blades.

But I'm a lonely guy since my honeypie ran off with Ione Skye
I am feeling lonely because my partner left me for someone else.

Now I've got nothing whatsoever, ugly-broke-arrogant, but so clever
I have lost everything, and I am now ugly, broke, and arrogant, but I still think I am clever.

When I write rhymes on brown bags and in shower steam
I am creative and will write rhymes anywhere, even on brown bags or in the shower steam.

Me and Paul are the power team
Paul and I make a powerful team, especially when it comes to making music.

We'll leave you deflowered with a mouth full of sour cream
Our music is so powerful that it will leave you feeling like you have been deflowered, and with a strange taste in your mouth.

Gobble this obelisk
Enjoy our music and appreciate its significance.

My close pals, aunts, uncles, leaders, Nations, and towns
I have connections with many individuals, and even entire communities, from close friends and family to national and international leaders.

Hamlets and neighboring islands, everyone
I even have connections to small villages and remote islands, and everyone in them.

Landlords, bosses, and relatives, moms and newborns
My connections range from landlords and bosses to relatives and new mothers with their newborns.

Somehow when I act thirteen, I'm a virgin girl's tractor beam
I have a strange ability to attract young virgin girls when I act like I'm thirteen years old.

This one was dressed to kill from her head to my testicle
This specific girl was dressed incredibly sexy, and it aroused me.

She was from west of Phil-ly and spoke well of it
This girl was from the western part of Philadelphia, and she spoke highly of it.

She said, "Just for the hell of it let's not be celibate."
This girl proposed that we engage in sexual activity on a whim, without being celibate.

I got all higgledy piggledy, it's a big relief
I became overwhelmed and flustered, but eventually found relief in the situation.

When I take off my fig uh leaf
When I am naked, I feel vulnerable, like I am not covering myself up.

She said that, "Let's get at this" but her cat and an unpotted cactus
The girl I was with suggested that we engage in sexual activity, but her cat and an unpotted cactus were in the way.

Sat on her mattress that sure made it saturated with sharp thorns and cat piss
The cat and cactus on the mattress made it uncomfortable and dirty, with thorns and cat urine.

I put on a hiphop beat while she whipped off the topsheet
I turned on a hip hop beat and the girl removed the top sheet of the bed.

She said, "Come to bed I like my undergrads underfed
The girl I was with made a comment about liking her sexual partners thin, like college undergraduates.

They amaze how they stay up days on mayonnaise and Wonderbread."
She then went on to describe how college students can survive on a diet of mayonnaise and white bread for days.

I dove in her cervix a lot like Sir Mixalot
I engaged in sexual activity with her in a similar manner to how Sir Mixalot described it in his song 'Baby Got Back'.

This interlude is for the women I've interviewed about the clitoris and how to make it less hit-or-miss
I am now addressing a different topic and audience, specifically women who have provided me insight into the clitoris.

Should we be gentle?, Is it all mental?
I am asking questions about the proper way to stimulate the clitoris and if it is mostly a mental experience.

I won't use a dental dam 'cause it discourages
I am hesitant to use a dental dam to protect against sexually transmitted infections because it takes away from the experience.

my urges to submerge in her jizz
I have a strong desire to ejaculate inside of her.

She said, "My goodness you should juss use clues that's nonverbal
The woman I interviewed suggested I use non-verbal cues when engaging in sexual activity.

You're too vigorous if my clitoris, for example, turns purple"
She then went on to describe how vigorously stimulating the clitoris can be painful and cause it to turn purple.

It was time to copulate but we didn't want to populate
We were ready to engage in sexual activity, but did not want to get pregnant.

So my bold groin reached for my gold coin prophylactic
I reached for a gold coin condom to protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

I unwrapped it, you can't know how I felt
I began to unwrap the condom, and it was a moment of heightened anticipation and excitement.

It wasn't a gold coin condom, it was chocolate Chanukah gelt
However, it was not a condom at all, but rather a chocolate wrapped in gold foil like a Chanukah gelt.

The white part crumbled on her tummy and the rest began to melt
The chocolate began to crumble when I unwrapped it, and the rest melted on her stomach.

Foiled again.....
I failed to properly protect against pregnancy and STIs, and the moment became a failure.