The Twelve Days of Christmas
Paul and Brenda Neal Lyrics
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On the first day of christmas my true love gives to me, a cartridge in the left knee (Ow)
On the second day of christmas my true love gives to me, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Ow)
On the third day of christmas my true love gives to me, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Ow)
On the fourth day of christmas the old cow give to me, four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Ow, fuck off, not again)
On the fifth day of christmas the old trout gives to me, five broken ribs, (here we fuckin' goes) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Put it down love, 0w)
On the sixth day of christmas my true love gives to me, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (I didn't fuckin' know it was ‘ewe sister) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (‘ewe'll have the fuckin' head)
On the eighth day of christmas my true love give to me, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (‘Oi, that's my fuckin gun) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (I'm in fuckin' agony)
On the ninth day of christmas the old cow give to me, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (I'm gonna get my fuckin' bat) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (surprise, surprise)
On the tenth day of christmas the old cow give to me, ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (oh fuck, her mother's coming now) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (I've had a titful of this)
On the eleventh day of christmas the old cow give to me, eleven lacerations, ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (oh fuck, her old man got a gun now) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (how many fuckin' bullets have ‘ewe got)
On the twelfth day of christmas the old cow gives to me, twelve days in traction, eleven lacerations, ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (don't fuckin' stand there, ring an ambulance) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the fuckin' left knee (surprise, surfuckinprise, fuckin' hurts an' all. FUCK OFF)
Brought to you by TheUndertaker180
It should be noted that the lyrics listed are not the original lyrics to the classic Christmas carol "The Twelve Days of Christmas," but rather a satirical version featuring violent and vulgar descriptions of gifts supposedly given by a "true love." The lyrics include references to physical violence such as headbutts and broken bones, as well as profanity and crude language.
It is unclear who originally created this version of the song, but it is not a widely recognized or accepted version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." It is important to note that the language and themes in these lyrics may be offensive to some individuals and are not appropriate for all audiences.
Line by Line Meaning
On the first day of christmas my true love gives to me, a cartridge in the left knee (Ow)
The first day of Christmas marks a painful beginning as my true love gifts me with a cartridge in the left knee.
On the second day of christmas my true love gives to me, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Ow)
My true love keeps on giving me painful gifts, as on the second day of Christmas, I receive two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee.
On the third day of christmas my true love gives to me, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Ow)
As the days of Christmas progress, the gifts keep getting worse, with three Chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee.
On the fourth day of christmas the old cow give to me, four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Ow, fuck off, not again)
The old cow decides to join in on the gift-giving and delivers four flying headbutts, three Chinese burns, two swollen bollocks, and a cartridge in the left knee, causing frustration and pain.
On the fifth day of christmas the old trout gives to me, five broken ribs, (here we fuckin' goes) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (Put it down love, 0w)
The old trout takes her chance for revenge and gives five broken ribs along with previous gifts, causing great distress.
On the sixth day of christmas my true love gives to me, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (I didn't fuckin' know it was ‘ewe sister) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (‘ewe'll have the fuckin' head)
My true love's gifts are becoming more brutal with six broken toes, five shattered ribs, four flying headbutts, three Chinese burns, two swollen bollocks, and a cartridge in the left knee, all while blaming it on my sister.
On the seventh day of christmas the old cow give to me, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (‘ewe fuckin' mental ‘ewe are) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (here it fuckin' comes)
The old cow strikes again with seven wounds a bleeding along with the previous brutal gifts leaving no room for amazement as she keeps on giving them.
On the eighth day of christmas my true love give to me, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (‘Oi, that's my fuckin gun) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (I'm in fuckin' agony)
My true love delivers eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, along with previous gifts and even got a gun involved, which causes immense pain and agony.
On the ninth day of christmas the old cow give to me, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (I'm gonna get my fuckin' bat) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (surprise, surprise)
The old cow gives nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, and five shattered ribs, which forces me to prepare for a possible counter-attack, and as expected, she keeps on giving.
On the tenth day of christmas the old cow give to me, ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (oh fuck, her mother's coming now) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (I've had a titful of this)
As the end of the gift-giving days approaches, the old cow decides that ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, and five shattered ribs are still not enough, and now brings her mother along to join in on the brutal gifting.
On the eleventh day of christmas the old cow give to me, eleven lacerations, ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (oh fuck, her old man got a gun now) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the left knee (how many fuckin' bullets have ‘ewe got)
The old cow's husband decides to contribute on the eleventh day of Christmas by giving eleven lacerations along with previous brutal gifts and a gun, creating a very dangerous situation, and leaving me to question how many bullets they have.
On the twelfth day of christmas the old cow gives to me, twelve days in traction, eleven lacerations, ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, (don't fuckin' stand there, ring an ambulance) four flying headbutts, three chinese burns, two swollen bollocks and a cartridge in the fuckin' left knee (surprise, surfuckinprise, fuckin' hurts an' all. FUCK OFF)
The final day of Christmas brings a tremendous amount of pain and injury with twelve days in traction, eleven lacerations, ten total hammerings, nine solid knockouts, eight compound fractures, seven wounds a bleeding, six broken toes, five shattered ribs, four flying headbutts, three Chinese burns, two swollen bollocks, and a cartridge in the left knee. It leads to a loud cry for help and an ambulance, along with an angry outburst towards the old cow, hoping she goes away.
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
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