I'm Alive
SOAK Gemma Doherty Lyrics

I was already opening a window before the action registered
I had an unconscious urge to let in fresh air and only realized it when I started to open the window.

Clearing my throat, I shook autopilot from my shoulders
I made a conscious effort to snap out of automatic behavior and be present in the moment.

And welcomed fresh air to spill into my head
I felt a rush of clarity and rejuvenation as I let in the fresh air.

Like the first drag of a menthol cigarette
The sensation of taking in fresh air was as refreshing as the first drag of a menthol cigarette.

It's been a while since I heard my own voice
I haven't been listening to my own thoughts and emotions for a while and need to reconnect with myself.

Whirling it's way through the cogs and cobwebs
My sense of self and identity is slowly coming back to life and is working its way past the mental blocks and doubts I have created.

Of my abandoned sense of self
I have neglected my sense of self and need to reclaim it to feel whole again.

It was a catalyst turning keys in the ignition of my first car
The reawakening of my sense of self was like starting a new phase in my life, with newfound clarity and direction.

I swear the air came looking for me
It felt like the fresh air was calling to me and seeking me out, as if it knew what I needed.

Or I for it, subconsciously
Perhaps I was seeking a change without realizing it, and the fresh air was just the catalyst I needed.

It douses like a rainy late night drive
The sensation of being alive and refreshed feels like the calm and rejuvenation of taking a late night drive in the rain.

Where the stop signs are dripping red velvet icing into
The rainy night feels magical, with the stop signs looking like they are dripping with sweet and delicious red velvet icing.

Puddled reflections
The reflections in the puddles on the road add to the surreal and beautiful experience of the rainy night drive.

Irish hail gripping cars like a one night stand
The hailstorm feels intense and gripping, like a passionate but fleeting one night stand.

Lipstick smudging with every wiper swiped
The details of the weather and its effects on the surroundings and people are striking and add to the surreal experience.

Nostalgia lives up to the hype
The feeling of nostalgia is just as powerful and meaningful as people always hype it up to be.

And it makes me feel okay
The nostalgia is comforting and helps me feel okay with where I am now and where I've come from.

Perplexed, it paralyses like a surprise embrace
The nostalgia is overwhelming and confusing, yet it feels like a warm and loving embrace that leaves me momentarily stunned.

And I just stand there stoned and laughing
I am left feeling a mixture of emotions, feeling high and happy and a little disoriented by the nostalgia.

With a stupid look on my face
The intensity of the emotions leaves me looking silly and dazed, but in a good way.

I grant myself permission to wake up
I am allowing myself to be more aware and conscious of my own thoughts and emotions, and to be present in my own life.

I tug the blue bread from my ears
I am removing the distractions and barriers that have prevented me from truly experiencing the world around me.

And hold hands with my depression
I am acknowledging and accepting my own struggles with mental health and taking active steps to move forward.

Acting like a transplant patient testing out new eyes
I am starting to see the world in a new and different light, as if seeing it for the first time after a profound change.

Looking at life as if it were the first time
I am approaching life with a new perspective and appreciation, as if seeing everything for the first time with fresh eyes.

It's hard to believe the scene
The beauty and majesty of the world around me is almost unbelievable and awe-inspiring.

I'm wide eyed by the window
I am full of wonder and excitement, eagerly taking in the world around me through the window.

In awe at the wonder of simply being
I am amazed and grateful for the very experience of existence, marveling at the wonder of simply being alive.

Clouds paint temporary arts on the worlds ceiling
The clouds in the sky add beauty and artistry to the natural world, creating a temporary masterpiece in the sky.

And my one bed apartment feels like a coliseum
Even in my small and humble living space, I feel empowered and inspired, as if in a grand and majestic coliseum.

For a moment I can exhale every mistake I've ever made
I am able to temporarily let go of the weight and burden of my past mistakes, and just be present in the moment.

To create space for lessons I've not learnt yet
By letting go of the past, I am making room for new knowledge, growth, and experiences in the future.

Sugar rushes like a high to soak up the bitterness in me
The sweet indulgence of sugar is a temporary escape from the bitterness and negativity that may be weighing on my mind and emotions.

At full capacity, I feel pretty
With my senses and emotions fully engaged, I feel confident and beautiful in my own skin.

But in a handsome way
Rather than just outward beauty, I also feel handsome and attractive in a deeper and more meaningful way.

When she comes home from work I assume the lenses are faulty
The presence of a loved one has such a profound and positive effect on me that I feel like my perception of reality must be faulty.

I'd forgotten the effect her presence has on me
Having become accustomed to the routine of daily life, I forgot just how much my loved one's presence can uplift and inspire me.

A tempestuous tidal wave manifests in her mouth
The words and emotions that my loved one expresses are intense and passionate, like a powerful and turbulent tidal wave.

Just before she says that she loves me
The intense emotions and words culminate in a powerful expression of love from my loved one.

And I'm one sorry motherfucker to have ever doubted so
I feel remorse and regret for ever doubting the depth and strength of my loved one's love for me.

I sit with the night in appreciation of my own creation
I spend time alone with my thoughts and emotions, taking pride in the things that I have created and contributed to the world.

Of weeds growing on the street adjacent
Even the simple and overlooked things, like weeds growing in the street, can be appreciated as part of the beauty and diversity of the world.

Of this ability to hear a world in operation
I am grateful for the gift of hearing and being able to fully experience the sounds and rhythms of the world around me.

When the song Tinseltown by the Blue Nile comes on
Certain songs have a powerful and personal meaning to me, evoking strong emotions and memories.

When something sits right on my stubborn body type
I feel confident and comfortable in my own skin when I find clothes or styles that fit my unique body shape and personality.

When she doesn't know the words but still sings along
The joy and enthusiasm of my loved one, even when not knowing the lyrics, adds to the happiness and love I feel in that moment.

In a hesitant goodbye on a phone call from back home
Even difficult or emotional goodbyes can be appreciated for the love and connections that they represent.

In the healing of the ozone layer
The progress and healing of the natural world gives me hope and inspiration for the future.

In the first crunch of Tayto cheese and onion
The simple yet delicious pleasures of life, like enjoying a snack, can be deeply appreciated and satisfying.

After months of being deprived
Having been without something enjoyable or comforting for a time makes its return all the more sweet and satisfying.

When my guitar fulfills a pipe dream
Achieving a long-term goal or dream, like playing guitar, brings a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.

When my culinary attempts don't taste like bin juice
Even when not achieving a desired outcome, like with cooking, the process and effort can still be appreciated and enjoyed.

When her naked interpretive dance is accidentally profound
Even playful and silly moments, like a dance, can reveal unexpected depth and meaning, deepening the connection and intimacy with a loved one.

I'm alive and I can feel it
The overall message and theme of the song, that being alive and present in the world is a beautiful and powerful experience.