apology
Shane Koyczan and the Short Story Long Lyrics

I am still sleeping.
I am still unaware or oblivious to the world around me.

As we walk through the city,
As we navigate through the busy and bustling urban environment,

Our hands turning red,
Our hands becoming red and cold due to the cold weather or friction.

And breath leaves a mark on the sky that is too bright
And our exhaled breath creates a visible cloud against the bright sky.

From all the sky scrapers.
Caused by the presence of tall buildings or skyscrapers.

And I hold you back from the speeding cars,
And I protect you by preventing you from being hit by the fast-moving cars.

Going no where, for nothing, for no one. I'm sorry.
Who are going aimlessly, without purpose or significance. I apologize for holding you back.

I'm sorry that I keep saying that I'm sorry,
I apologize for repeatedly apologizing for my actions or behavior.

I know it's strange.
I acknowledge that it may seem odd or unusual.

Strange in a George W. Bush hasn't been assassinated yet kind of way.
Strange in a manner that references the unexpected or unlikely occurrences.

But I say I'm sorry for stupid shit
But I apologize for trivial or insignificant things.

And trivial things.
And for things of little importance or significance.

And she sings the sweet logic that apologies should grow like trees,
And she explains the concept that apologies should develop and expand like trees,

Only able to bear fruit if its root is planted in the soil of genuine sincerity.
With the ability to yield positive outcomes only if it is rooted in genuine sincerity.

But I somehow manage to parity each apology by speaking it before I act,
But I often diminish the impact of my apologies by expressing them before my actions.

And the fact is, I'm not really sorry that I completely dig Degrassi,
And the truth is, I don't truly feel remorseful for enjoying the television show Degrassi.

Because it was Yick and Arthur who got me through wet dreams and puberty.
Because the characters Yick and Arthur from the show supported and provided guidance during my adolescent years.

Lady, I don't expect you to understand the reference,
My apologies for assuming that you would comprehend the reference or context.

But I've been into this shit ever since the casting director said,
However, my interest in this show started when the casting director made a certain statement.

"Fuck physicality, give me some reality.
"Disregard physical appearance, I want genuine and authentic individuals.

Give me kids that can't act and are ugly,
Select children who lack acting skills and are not conventionally attractive.

They'll teach the world about beauty."
Because they will challenge societal norms and redefine the concept of beauty.

Lady, I can relate to this,
I can identify with this sentiment or idea, lady.

Because before I met you I used to want to lock myself into a vault just to feel precious.
Because prior to meeting you, I desired to isolate myself and shield my vulnerability in order to feel valued.

But now with every kiss, hello and goodbye, I feel a self worth no banker can tally.
But now, with every intimate moment or interaction, I experience a sense of self-worth that cannot be quantified or determined by financial means.

And my heart is a protest that I let rally against my ribs,
And my heart serves as a demonstration or rebellion that I allow to persist within my chest,

'Cause I want to build my bones into cribs and lay my reluctance to rest.
Because I aspire to establish a foundation of strength and security, overcoming my hesitations or doubts.

Test what it would be like to live phonetically,
Experiment with the notion of living authentically or true to myself,

To hold you unapologetically,
To embrace or hold you without excuses or remorse,

To plant a giving tree on my front lawn so that when you're gone, it can give you back to me
To metaphorically cultivate an enduring and nurturing bond, so that even when you are physically absent, it can bring you back to me.

And I'm sorry,
I apologize,

That when you sleep next to me that you're forced to listen to the symphony of the unplugged nostril.
For subjecting you to the unpleasant sound of my nasal congestion while you sleep beside me.

And I'm sorry that one time, for some reason, I called you 'Ma'am',
And I apologize for the incident when I inexplicably referred to you as 'Ma'am'.

That's fucked up.
That's messed up or inappropriate.

Fucked up in a 'I just bought a pair of speedos so I can go swimming with you' kind of way.
In a manner that can be considered weird or peculiar, such as purchasing swimwear for a specific moment with you.

And crazier than that is the fact that I'll play at being brave,
What's even more absurd is that I pretend to be courageous,

Because doubt is about as useful as a fire escape when you're trying to doge a tidal wave.
Due to the ineffectiveness of doubt, it is comparable to a fire escape that provides little assistance when trying to avoid a massive wave or disaster.

When you got no time to save anybody but yourself,
In situations where there is limited time to rescue or assist others, and your primary focus is self-preservation,

You better believe that you're worth it.
It is important to firmly believe in one's own worth and value.

And you are the time it takes to take the time to get to know you.
You are the period or duration it requires to invest the effort in truly understanding or discovering you.

We've managed to muddle through the awkward stage of 'I like you and do you like me', but when we both said yes
We have successfully navigated through the uncomfortable phase of expressing mutual interest and determining if the feeling is mutual. When we both confirmed our affirmative response,

Life became a multiple choice test.
Life turned into a situation where we had options or choices to consider, like a multiple-choice test.

Not knowing anything we became each other's best guess.
Without having much knowledge or certainty, we relied on each other as the most reasonable choice or assumption.

And holding your hand is less like exploration and more like discovery.
The act of holding your hand feels less like a simple exploration and more like an exciting revelation.

Lady, I don't have to study you to be sure,
Lady, I don't need to analyze or examine you extensively to be certain,

You're the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were. It was made easy,
You were the decision I made even before being aware of alternative options. It was an effortless choice,

From the sham that we saw
From the misleading or deceptive situations that we witnessed

Full of pretense and low-grade suggestions.
Containing insincere or superficial implications and indications.

I want you sweetly,
I desire your presence or affection in a tender or endearing manner,

A world full of hopes
An existence or reality brimming with aspirations and optimism

With a brightness of all our convictions.
Radiating a brilliance or glow that stems from our shared beliefs and firm beliefs.

And like the best idea I'll ever have, I want you to occur to me daily.
And similarly to the greatest idea that will ever cross my mind, I want thoughts of you to emerge or come to me on a daily basis.

And I'm sorry, but I want to kiss you every time you have something incredible to say,
I apologize, but I long to kiss you whenever you express something extraordinary or remarkable.

But you're beautiful, beautiful in a you kind of way.
But you possess a unique and captivating beauty that is distinctive to you.

You're like the long lost vinyl of Louis Armstrong,
You are akin to a long-lost vinyl record of Louis Armstrong's music,

And I want to play you until it...
And I wish to listen to or observe you until it...

I want to play you until it skips.
I want to experience or engage with you until it reaches a point where it skips or repeats.

I want to tell you a secret and I want you to listen with your lips.
I desire to share a secret with you, and I want you to actively listen and respond with your lips, possibly through a kiss.

I want my hands on your hips like they were their final resting place
I yearn to touch or hold your hips as if they were the ultimate place of serenity or rest for my hands.

And then put that funeral onto paper so you can trace their life time back to the fact
And subsequently document that tactile experience onto paper so that you can retrace the sequence of encounters, leading back to the realization

That I'm more inclined to find a place in your heart to haunt for as long as you want me too.
That I am strongly inclined to establish a lasting presence or influence in your heart, remaining there as a comforting or cherished entity for as long as you desire.

And this isn't the greatest romance the world has ever seen,
And our relationship is not the most extraordinary or epic love story the world has witnessed,

Let's face it, we've been making out to songs about break-up and heart ache.
Admit it, we often engage in passionate kissing while listening to songs that depict heartbreak and emotional pain.

But I've come to realize that romance should be less like a flower and more like an earthquake,
However, I have come to understand that romantic connections should be intense and transformative, akin to an earthquake, rather than delicate like a flower,

And I'm not saying that I want to shake cities to the ground,
I'm not implying that I desire to cause widespread destruction or devastation,

I'm not saying that I want the rubble that remains to become a lost and found
Nor do I wish for the debris left in the aftermath to serve as a place of rediscovery or retrieval.

That we find the kind of tolerance to rebuild in the face of tragedy,
Rather, my hope is that we possess the resilience and understanding to reconstruct and heal in the midst of adversity or sorrow,

'Cause I'm tired of living in a world that says people only come together when faced with catastrophe.
Because I am weary of existing in a society that suggests people can only unite or form meaningful connections in times of disaster or crisis.

I want you to want me to be the me that you see when I'm free to be the me that got you next to me,
I long for you to desire the version of myself that you perceive when I am liberated to express my true self, the version of me that attracted you to me,

And as for romance, well, I want that too.
And when it comes to romance, I also desire that connection or experience.

I want to fall asleep next to you one hundred times a night so I can know you one hundred times better before we hit the daylight,
I wish to drift off into slumber next to you repeatedly throughout the night, allowing me to progressively understand or know you even more fully before the arrival of daylight,

And in spite of all of this, I also want amnesia
Despite all these desires and aspirations, I also crave a partial or temporary loss of memory,

So that I can relive each kiss with a perfect newness that leaves me smashed in the arms of rapture.
Enabling me to experience each kiss with a sense of fresh and flawless newness that overwhelms me with a feeling of intense delight or ecstasy.

I want the sky to fracture under the impossible weight of an apology
I yearn for the celestial sky to crack or split apart due to the immense gravity of an apology

'Cause I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I want so much.
Because I apologize, I express remorse, for desiring or craving so intensely.

I'm sorry that I've been using 'I'm sorry' as a crutch to lean on for so long,
I apologize for relying on the phrase 'I'm sorry' as a means of support or justification for an extended period,

But if you sing me that song of sweet logic again,
However, if you serenade me with that melodic refrain of rational and profound wisdom once more,

Then I promise to make the effort to stand on my own.
Then I vow to exert the necessary effort to become self-reliant or independent.

There's a reason that our hearts are more like a muscle and less like a bone.
Our hearts resemble muscles more than bones for a reason,

I've known so many people who've grown up flexing it in front of a mirror
I have encountered numerous individuals who have matured by flexing their hearts, metaphorically, before a mirror

As if falling for their own reflection would be adequate,
As if falling in love with their own image or self-perception would be sufficient or satisfactory,

And that's bullshit, because we only get from now until the time we go,
And that belief is nonsensical, as we only have the period between the present moment and our eventual departure,

And if they've only got time to love themselves then no one's going to be around to hear the sound of their heartbeat echo.
And if they choose to focus solely on self-love, no one will be present to witness or appreciate the reverberations of their own heartbeats.

So lady, don't expect an apology when I tell you, I'm only held together by a heart that pumps glue
Therefore, lady, do not anticipate an apology when I reveal that my emotional stability and coherence solely rely on a heart pumping an adhesive substance as if it were glue.

It's the strongest muscle in my body, and I'm flexing it for you.
It is the most powerful muscle within me, and I am exerting it for your sake or benefit.

I am still sleeping,
I am still oblivious or unaware of my surroundings,

As we walk through the city,
As we continue to traverse through the urban landscape,

Our hands turning red,
Our hands becoming cold and red due to the chilly weather,

And breath leaves a mark on the sky that is too bright
And our exhaled breath forming a visible mark against the excessively bright sky

From all the sky scrapers.
Which is caused by the numerous skyscrapers present in the city.

And I hold you back from the speeding cars,
And I protect you by preventing you from approaching or being endangered by the fast-moving cars,

Going no where, for nothing, for no one.
As they travel aimlessly and meaninglessly, not contributing to anyone's well-being or purpose.