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They've Got To Go
The Clichés Lyrics

No lyrics text found for this track.

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

Most interesting comments from YouTube:

Dd Wedd

1y↑3

My mom used to do that to me all the time. The last time before I walked away, I caught her in a lie and confronted her about it. Fist she denied it but I had proof she lied, so I told her I knew for a fact she was lying and she called me bitter and Crazy. She treated me like I was being overly sensitive and imagining things.

She kept saying I’m your mom and can do whatever I want, and even tried to convince me to distrust my best friend.

Then, when I left town and changed my phone number without telling her, she called my best friend’s mom and told her she’s worried about me because she thinks I’m suicidal.

When that didn’t get a reaction from me, she called my best friend on my birthday to tell her that I am a bad daughter because supposedly she has health problems and I haven’t even given her a phone number where she can contact me to let me know. But when I spoke to my sister, who still speaks to our mom sometimes, to ask her if she had heard about my mom’s health problems, she said she hadn’t.

So she was supposedly so concerned about having a way to contact me to let me know what health problems are going on but she didn’t even bother to tell my sister whose contact info she does have.

SithCelia

I love this channel and these neat, informative little videos! Now, as one who's discovered a few interesting ways to address gaslighting, I'd like to pass some tips on in an effort to help others recognize their own power. These may not appeal to everyone, but might resonate with those who are a bit more snarky and barbed after their own experiences being gaslit.

1) "I have no idea what you're talking about." Seems like a reasonable statement IMO, one which I might suspect requires further explanation. Perhaps the individual in question just needs more information, wasn't smart/educated/life-experienced enough to grasp what was being discussed, or wasn't even paying attention. Don't let them make it about you!
2) "You're over-reacting/being too sensitive." Heard this one a lot myself. It helps me to think about how this is actually a statement of the gaslighter's own emotional sensitivity. I've found that being in touch with one's anger, or even intense emotions, acts like both a shield against being harmed and a weapon against the one attempting the harming.
3) "That's not what happened at all." Unless you've got perfect memory recall, this is a tough one, but not impossible. Recognize that you're entitled to your own perspective and may have seen things happening a certain way that the gaslighter did not.
4) "You're not making any sense." A lot like #1, this says to me the gaslighter might not be up to speed on what was being discussed. Reminding them that THEY may not be up to what's on topic seems like one approach, while standing firm and clarifying things for them deflates any attempt to gaslight.
5) "Stop exaggerating." Sounds like a simple matter of perspective to me. Maybe the gaslighter's being too sensitive and imagining things. I'm not sure gaslighting the gaslighters is the healthiest suggestion here. It might also work to give them pause and doubt their actions. IMO, it's a case of Tasting Their Own Medicine.
6) "If anything, I should be mad at you." Similar to #2, I think being in touch with one's anger and emotions goes a long way to defend against statements like this. This also means the gaslighter's entitled to be angry (even if they're just faking it) and is nothing to do with the one being gaslit. I've developed the saying that "I don't carry anyone's baggage for them and I don't feed demons."
7) "You can't trust anyone but me." I've never personally experienced this one, so I'd have to say that it also feels like another example of the need to strengthen one's relationship with themselves. I've found a little self-awareness goes a long way to protecting against those who gaslight.

I think that everyone, to some extent, has been guilty of gaslighting others without even realizing they were doing it. Videos like Psych2Go's help well-intentioned humans not only identify unhealthy behaviors in others in order to defend against them, but also to see where we might stand to improve ourselves. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk! :^)

Patriarcus Rex

3y↑2

You also need to be dominant in personality. Don't show any compassion or empathy and don't listen to anything they say unless it's an admission of guilt. Because it's always a deflection from themselves, whether changing to an unrelated topic or throwing it onto you, the main goal of anything they say is to remove the focus from themselves. Not in what they say.

Basically confront them like you're a parent and they're a child in the wrong. Smack away any diversion phrases whether it be true or not like, "don't change the subject" and " we'll address that later but now we're addressing this" or "I'm not talking about that/them. I'm talking about this/you."
Take charge of the situation. Always keep the spot light on them. Always be the bad cop, never show any sign of good cop.
Never let their bullshit stick. Make them know they crossed a line with you that they can't talk/manipulate their way out of.
And use any negative comments to your advantage. If they keep bringing up any anger you don't have tell them if they think you have anger then tell them they'll know what anger is if they keep up their bullshit. Wear their insults as a badge without shame. You take away their leverage that way.

And never NEVER forget that you aren't talking to someone reasonable. Never show compromise or understanding. Any compassion is a sign of weakness for them to exploit. And they will exploit it if you give them a chance. If your confrontation ends with you feeling angry, yet relieved and them angry or sulking then you have been successful.
If it ends with you feeling reassured and them with any kind of positive emotion, like you both reached a compromise then you failed miserably. Because it meant they found a way to manipulate you without you realising it.

All comments from YouTube:

Psych2Go

3y↑996

Hi Psych2Goers,

Would you like to be published in our international magazine? We're looking for writers, artists, and photographers in our community to take part in issue 21 of our magazine. We are after - a factual essay on any topic in Psychology, a creative writing piece of any topic, a photography piece of any topic, a comic of any topic, and an art piece of any topic.
If you'd like to submit or have any questions, email imogen@psych2go.net - the deadline is 2nd June!

International Entertainment Djs

@Dave DUDE? WTF?

International Entertainment Djs

I missed the deadline & just listened to this video TODAY ✍️🎧🎶🔥🎵🥀🔥😎🎼🎧 8/10/2022
I VIDEO PEOPLE WHO GASLIGHT ME..TO DOCUMENT IT FOR LAWYERS, LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES,ETC...

International Entertainment Djs

Yes, I WOULD..LOVE 🥀🥀🎼🔥🎧🎼🙏😎💖✍️ TO GET SOME PUBLICATION say's YOUR FAVORITE SEXY ASS DJ VJ BLOGGER MUSICIAN WRITER POET LEADER SONG WRITER, ETC.. PROFESSIONAL PROFESSORS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, SUPER LAWYER'S,& SUPER HEROS HERE IN DA CHAT NOW 8/10/2022
HOW DO WE GET PUBLISHED IN YOUR THING?

Food Nerds

My sister is a therapist and actually gaslighted me tonight. I wondered why she said what she did. I thought it was wrong but I didn’t realize it was gaslighting.

Phoenix Angel Ascension Tarot

How About The Old Reliable You Are Delusional !!!😢💔💯

102 More Replies...

Makeup N Toys

3y↑2.2K

“That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, it is not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did. You deserved it”. -the Narcissist Prayer

Shraddha Anikhindi

@AL H Sameeeeeeeee!

Shraddha Anikhindi

Lol 🤣

Lisa Harper

Nailed it.

Becky Hayob

@Cynical Afflictional 🙏❤️ 🙂

Cynical Afflictional

@Christopher Thomas Truth!!

49 More Replies...

Dd Wedd

1y↑3

Awayk

1y↑2

The more challenging: they play it off very well and cover it up "I think you need help, I'm very concerned about you" this is a passive way as the second part is used to take away the attention from the first part.

People who gaslight will tell you that YOU need the help but deny they need the help. And the person who initially didn't need therapy ends up going thru intense therapy while the person gaslighting stays in denial of themselves. They have a hollow core and come off very kind hearted. Stay away from these people.

Mason Storm

3y↑401

Keep in mind - ALL of these phrases are completely normal, innocent and true statements too! Gaslighting is the adverse 'action' of manipulating someone's mind. So, when people use such statements, pause and think. Not everyone is out to get you.

Fatih MaulSyukur

yeah.. people these days be to fixed about what they learn on youtube.. im not saying all of this was wrong, but you have to be able to read the situation you're in too..

Vegeta

@Maryann bro i am not sure if my wife is doing it to me. But yes she denny true and facts. But its all look like she is doing it under stress when we argue and i am not sure if she manipulate me or she has just problems to work on.

georg cantor

@Ell Gee , You can call them "touchy" instead. You can say this: Stop being too "touchy." I was just joking! Can't you take a joke? I was just joking that I'll have the FBI and IRS raid your house tomorrow. Sheesh!

georg cantor

@Mason Storm , You're imagining things! Stop being paranoid!

georg cantor

@TADEO CAPUTO , You should've told them that they were just imagining things and that you never did what they told you that you did.

66 More Replies...

Far Fetched

3y↑4K

Is it me or gaslighting and narcissism is the new pandemic. It's everywhere. Family, friends, jobs, landlords, governments, etc....

TheGreatPotates

It's always been around too these degrees.... People just always looked past these things and behaviors more often than not till recently. But yes, it's a CONSPIRACY! HELP US THE SNOWFLAKES ARE TAKING OVER HELP US ALL

zacchbl

Check out the 2022 word of the year. Merriam-Webster. Dead fucking serious. Either Covid wasn’t the only pandemic 😒 or….we might be overusing a word. It’s like a child cursing for the first time. Awkward at first but understood with age. Bunch of babies, learned a new word. My honest take on this phenomenon. Awkward and weak is the new trend. Communication was already poor before we gave the people another word to further confuse themselves. It’s silly how destructive we get when we have NOTHING to do. Find a purpose. Touch grass.

SAW

Ideas and trends come and go more quickly with this wonderful internet !!

Mark Bevin

It's you. It's always you. You are over reacting 😝

InSaynt

I feel like a lot of it has to do with the shift in our culture.
Many people are simply not held accountable for their behavior the way that they used to be in previous decades.
The old saying goes, "spare the rod and spoil the child."
Some people never outgrow being a spoiled child because they were never held accountable. Or they found a way to shift blame onto the person who was holding them responsible, instead surrounding themselves with an echo chamber.
I feel like this is the most likely cause for why it is so common.
But also it's the simple fact that now that we as a society have gotten better at communication, we have gotten better at being able to effectively identify these behaviors.
So for one thing it may be more common, but also even if it's not, we've just gotten better at giving names to these things.

409 More Replies...

Saida

Very insightful, since childhood I’ve been treated such

ceasetheday

3y↑359

I think it’s important to note that using these phrases doesn’t necessarily indicate gaslighting. There are instances that people actually are wrong.

Oldazzrapper with skills

Found the gaslighter....and the people trying to explain with him in these comments are gaslighting experts. They(gaslighters) always try and make you feel crazy....

georg cantor

Judge Judy would always tell those gaslighters trying to gaslight her in her court this: "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining outside!" I love Judge Judy! :D

Technicians 87

2y↑1

I think the term gaslighting is going to join the ranks of 'hater'. People will say someone is a 'hater' even when the criticism is valid. I have seen the use of gaslighting more and more recently and although I think that there are true instances of gaslighting many people use the term incorrectly or use it to deflect from their own shortcomings.

Alison Williams-Bailey

Yes I very much agree.

Pandelis Mitsis

To be honest, this is what I personally believe that would be the reply from a person that saw in this particular video an accurate description of him/herself.

19 More Replies...

juliet bishop

3y↑143

Pretty hard to walk away or challenge them when you're only 6 and the gaslighters are both your parents for that eternity known as childhood...but this is very helpful in any case. Thank you 🙏

Oldazzrapper with skills

@Mi Chelle big facts.....when you were a kid it's...."that's your parents".....and when you older they be like...."That's still your parents"....this mostly happens in black families....

Mi Chelle

2y↑1

I'm still getting gaslit by my parents to this day! I'm 44 and can't talk about it because relatives will always side with them

Linda Rose Buchanan

2y↑3

I'm sorry. I know that was agonizing.

ccpr15

2y↑1

I’m sorry Juliet. My mother is the same. (My married name is Bishop 💜)

Rebels_Rhapsody

2y↑2

Preach

1 More Replies...

TheClazabaza

2y↑23

As a child I was regularly told by my father to go and apologise to my Covert Narcissist mother in order to make everything 'ok'...often when she had been refusing to speak to me for days, refusing to look at me or so filled with rage that all she would do is stare/glare at me. This taught me that I was responsible for abuse and should apologise to my abuser, I cannot tell you how destructive this was...it was beyond gaslighting.

Alan Foxman

3y↑1.3K

The worst part of gaslighting is that if/when the victim does finally realize they've been lied to and manipulated, they then find it hard to trust anyone ever again.

James Hersom

@Ping it sadly is I have been guilty of it but I’ve also been gaslit before

Ping

2y↑2

I once gaslighted someone and manipulated them into giving me what i wanted, it's so easy 🤣😂😂

—@𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢𝐢 ♡︎ . !

I flipping realised that I've Been gas lighter for a long time... :(😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

RogueNabi

I personally start to struggle with even trusting myself.

50shadesofblack

The important part is to go to therapy and to work deep on the trauma/ptsd etc. Also to educate on self on " narcissism" and " codependency". Learn about redflags and green flags.

the good news is that WE CAN CHANGE AND LEARN. But the narcissist/anti-social person DON`T. That is YOUR STORY is going to change for the better. But their story is going to stay the same. That is , they are going to stay in their paranoid, bitter, power hungry, sad world. But you are going to feel Joy, Freedom, growt. The journey is not going to be easy, but it`s going to be real. Learning is about trail and error, not about perfectionism or trying to be perfect.

29 More Replies...

LastKnightKaname

2y↑45

I was in an abusive relationship and whenever I would cry and be upset about something, my partner would say, "You're too sensitive. It's not a big deal." And wow. Hearing that brought tears to my eyes.

Gregg Fisher

It gets annoying. My gf was breaking down and crying every day. After like 600 days of it u just wanna murder the person. It's like holy shit our life isn't that fucking bad and I can't get anything done if u fucking Breakdown every day and I gotta stop what I'm doing to comfort u.

Kaylee Pentz

My husband told me to stop crying I don’t feel bad for you your just doing it for attention that really got me

C T

find peace inside then enjoy your life.

ab ab

Once u let some one get away with wronging you they take advantage....u have to be willing to be alone and always be willing to walk away... No one is worth lessening urself for....always something better out there.

Carol Milioti

3y↑60

I've been married twice and, judging from this lesson, I was gaslighted TWICE! It's sad to learn this so late in life but no harm done and the man I love now is definitely NOT a gaslighter.

Fady A.

2y↑3

Carol, I’m in that same situation. Separated now from my second and divorce about to happen. I’m discovering now that both women were narcissists, both gaslighted me while I had no idea what’s happening and why.
Is it really true that one can find a good healthy relation after all this??

Jackie Ries

3y↑43

I’ve been around people like this my WHOLE entire LIFE!! I literally thought I was crazy & had lost my mind! I am now allowing myself to heal.

Datchik

Me too 😫😫😫 and I never seek them out

Marko Marko

Same here

snuspede556

3y↑239

when a gaslighter meets a narcissist with a victim complex:
narcissist: i guess i'm always wrong and youre always right
gaslighter: thank you, this is what i've been trying to get you to understand

Bobdog307

True but sad.

50shadesofblack

@Anna Franc My mother was the same. Ironically she was obsessed with the housing market, and almost forced my to buy my own place. This was my ticket out of her alcoholic/narcissistic emotional neglect and gaslighting.

Thank you for shearing. And stay safe!

Hakeem R

This sounds like me and my ex sometimes.. I know for sure we’re not good for each other I keep telling her that.. our relationship is the worst idk why we keep going back

Treva marsh

2y↑1

Lol, that's funny..

Anna Franc

2y↑1

I love this so much. My mum is 100% the narcissist with victim complex. Not only that but she was very emotionally neglectful towards me most of my life. Thank God I don’t live with her anymore. Before she kicked me out she became more and more abusive.

3 More Replies...

A

3y↑1.9K

An important one they forgot that should absolutely never be overlooked “I’m doing it for you, you should thank me”

Jonna Kaasinen

Another ones that gaslighters might use when turning the tables on others, or in other situations would be like "what have I done to deserve this?/What have I done to you?", "You need to take a long good look in the mirror", "it's your fault", "you should be ashamed of yourself", "you're imagining it", "I know better than you do about this/you know nothing/you are so stupid".
Or "you are SHOULD HAVE known/be more mature/be good to me/be smarter/behave/be prettiest/etc." (Whatever they are blaming you for~.....)

Pete G.

2y↑1

Absolutely! A girl that I like(d) a lot would basically say "You're welcome" at times when they thought they were helping me (or others) even when said help was not requested or even required. She was an otherwise quite wonderful person. I'm thinking this sort of patronizing was a bi-product of her marriage to a narcissist as well as the way she was treated in her upbringing. Nonetheless, it is up to all of us to attempt to change for the better once unhealthy behaviors are identified either on our own or someone pointing out possible issues.

kathy 2trips

@TheWobbly WeLdEr - Bingo! Jen Psaki has used every one of these tactics.

Hinatachan360

@Margaret Boehm Yep. Heard all of that bs from my ex. He claimed that if it wasn't for him I would be dead. Nevermind the fact that when he reached out to me for help he was homeless and penniless. So, who saved who from death on the street now? 🤔

Hinatachan360

2y↑1

I've gotten the tough love excuse from my gaslighting ex. He claimed he was doing it to toughen me up and make me stronger emotionally. What a liar.

41 More Replies...

Steph Jzones

Very helpful and I wish I had info like this 17 years but my parents unfortunately do it too no one would help me well I'm alive I made it

WXSEDY

3y↑59

I would encourage anyone who thinks they've been, or are being "gas lighted" to seek out a second opinion or even a third from a completely detached, possibly even new, source. Because it just might be that you are wrong about something and that there is no gas lighting happening. Realize, the one thing people are not very good at is admitting guilt. Often, they will outright misrepresent facts or even omit them altogether in an attempt to bolster their position. So try to remain objective and open minded to your own falacies. Understand that admitting guilt is very reason people might "gas light" in the first place -- and that you are not attempting it either.

Kelli Hunt

2y↑2

People tend to be bias. We all are Gods and saints in our own minds. We like to think so highly of ourselves it's hard to believe we could be wrong. We can. We aren't as smart as we like to think we are. We get in our feelings and next thing we know we are

canaweb

2y↑1

Admitting guilt might also be a lifelong sentence of having to hear about the transgression in every future argument. Another weapon to be used against you to prove what a 'loser' you are. That's a big reason why people try to squirm away from telling the truth. Even if they know it would clear their conscience.

ab ab

Wrong.....ur a gaslighter for sure... If someone makes u question reality then u are mentally weak and or love the abuse

chlbr3

2y↑1

@Alexandra Ghita don't be weak

Alexandra Ghita

3y↑3

Lol, another gaslighter.

3 More Replies...

janknuckey

2y↑16

I have an appalling boss who is a total narcissistic sociopath, and now whenever he gaslights, me and my colleagues say "Hey, can you smell gas? I can definitely smell gas". The humour takes his power away.

Phil Bourassa

3y↑60

The problem is that we've all seen the videos where people who are clearly in the wrong try to exert their version of reality, and other people defend themselves by saying "That's not what happened" or "Can you hear yourself?" Here, those statements are labeled as gaslighting, rather than trying to address the issue.
Context is the key. Simply identifying the use of these terms as manipulative is too general, andcan possibly empower someone who actually is delusional.

Billy_Bob

@TOS100 Returns Pretty sure its the media doing all the gaslighting.

Phil Bourassa

@TOS100 Returns lol, you may as well face the fact that every politician and newscaster does exactly the same thing.

TOS100 Returns

2y↑1

We got four years of gaslighting from the King of the Narcissists, also known as ex-government employee Donald. He pushed forth "alternative facts." He had another gaslighting phrase of his own:

"What' you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening."

I was surprised at the number of people who didn't see through this. In fact, they doubled down. He continues to lie because there's profit and power to be had from it. He's got a base of rubes who buy anything and everything that he says.

It's truly pathetic. Grown adults should know better.

justrosy5

There are better ways of handling these things than responding at all.

Les Nash

3y↑1.2K

Beware:
Narcissists will do this to you, and then accuse YOU of gaslighting.

Bobdog307

Am I a narcissist?

ccpr15

2y↑1

@Carlo Arcilla yes!!! That sounds just like my mother

Carlo Arcilla

2y↑2

I’ve had this experience probably more than once before. My mom got mad at me just because I finally admitted what I’ve been feeling for so long that she hurt everyone in our family. Not only that, she started crying so much because she really thought that I was the one to blame for all of her “problems”, when in fact, she started every recurring emotion of anger that I’ve rarely felt before.

Overall, narcissists also have the victim mentality.

missmansmommy1

2y↑1

I agree

ccpr15

@DashidoXL I understand. And I’m sorry you went thru that 🫂

51 More Replies...

Scott

Thank you. A few people used some of these manipulative attacks on me recently, and your video helped me instantly recognize the deceptions for what they were.

newt dockery

3y↑70

This is one sided. Sometimes people do over exaggerate, are too sensitive, and act crazy. They gaslight by calling you the gaslighter when they are the ones who haven’t worked on their emotional intelligence. A lot of people throwing around terms like “gaslighter” are hypocrites simply projecting. No matter how thin a pancake, there’s always two sides.

Mel Bee

2y↑2

The gaslighter doesn't use any facts to backup their side they just accuse and call names

Mel Bee

2y↑1

But what if they have receipts.

Sinisa Morales

3y↑2

@Cam Kilbane i understand your point, but, whats the limit?
i mean, why do you have to apologize or feel bad about what you said, when the truth its that you just said what happen with respect and kindness?. i mean, sensitive persons often use that sensivity to not accept the thruth. NOT everything its an opinion, there are things that actually are true.

Cam Kilbane

3y↑10

Who decides what's "too sensitive" though? If you've upset someone with something you said / did then you probably need to take a look at that and apologise. No one gets to decide what is upsetting or not for someone else.

justrosy5

3y↑8

This is how you know you're a gaslighter, right here.

5 More Replies...

Samuel Kim

2y↑4

My ex did this to me, using her depression and trauma to shame me for not being there for her. All of this was so draining and I cried from the pressure that was building up

Blaq Wize

3y↑1

Yes!... and had a mental breakdown. Took awhile to heal, but now I’ve learnt to never argue with a fool, or someone affected by psychosis. Unfortunately, I think everyone suffers from some form of psychosis or cognitive dissonance. And often they don’t even realise they are manipulating people. I think it’s always important to reflect on how I might also do this to others. I can not effect what others do or feel, but I can effect how I do or feel.

Billy Yonet

3y↑460

Keep this in mind:
When they reverse things onto you, it’s called:
“projection-confession”
Keep it in mind next time the narcissist tries to blame you.

Billy Yonet

@Johnny Johnson OK well, first of all, that’s amazing that you can even acknowledge that idea.
In reality, narcissists are incapable of acknowledging their narcissism, which tells me you’re not one.
I can understand if you’ve been very deeply hurt, and are protecting yourself by closing off your emotions.
If that’s the case, there’s total hope for a person like you.

Johnny Johnson

2y↑1

@Billy Yonet I guess every situation is different . I feel like I am in fact a narcissist in some ways due to things that have happened in my life to where I have grown numb and lack compassion or empathy for anyone that I care about or just anyone to be honest. I guess I just have to take it day by day and work on it.

Billy Yonet

@Johnny Johnson well that’s definitely true in a fundamental way, we all have our own point of view, so that’s all we can do.
But a narcissist does that, coupled with acting like a victim and they blame you for everything that THEY are doing.
It’s really nasty.

Johnny Johnson

2y↑1

It really seems like everyone does this to everyone

Billy Yonet

@Ander Coyote that was his specialty..!

24 More Replies...

Lo Key

3y↑2

My finger became SOOO exhausted after Liking so many comments 😂😂😂 But this explanation of this term was amazing, just spot on!!! Thanks for the work you guys put in to help us understand some of these weird/dangerous signs that come up on a daily basis for the majority of us. This channel has been extremely helpful 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💕💕💕💕

Vincent LaMaana

Extremely insightful. After a year long relationship, I fear these people where spying on me because these phrases are verbatim what I was being told and fed. Thinking I'm the one who's gone absolutely insane and unable to see what's right and wrong. This just really helped me. Thank you.

Jason Rodgers

3y↑21

Part of the danger of these lines is that there ARE times when these type of sentiments ARE valid. Unfortunately, a manipulator uses them to get you to do what they want rather than for your own good. It would be so much easier if one could hear one of those lines and then know "ok that's gaslighting. I'm ignoring." Sadly, gaslighting is so powerful BECAUSE those lines could potentially be accurate, even if in reality in this case, they aren't. Best way of determining the difference is to get an objective voice involved (therapist, etc)

Ashanti Jackson

2y↑1

I had an aunt that tried to pawn me off on a drug dealer so she could get more drugs. She actually looked me in the face and said what you thought happened didn't actually happen. That was the last time I dealt with her.

Aaron Beauchamp

There have been many situations in my life where I knew that I was blowing things out of proportion, or a friend or family member were blowing something out of proportion as well. With a little bit of patience and questioning, you can usually find out what's really at the bottom of it all. Regardless of that, some of these phrases are used justifiably. They're not always used to gaslight somebody.

RobertCentric

3y↑3

"I'm the victim here not you" every relationship I felt trapped in had a person directly or indirectly saying that to me. I have also experienced the rest in different combinations, just not all of them with the same person.

Susan Rhodes

I got ya. My mom, a wretched human would play that one frequently.

Helena HelWitch

2y↑2

Every. Single. Phrase. Over and over for 3 years. I really thought I was losing my mind. Being cheated on, lied to, manipulated, used and discarded. These videos help so much with understanding and healing from narcissitc abuse.

B B

3y↑10

I agree with most.
Note to be pointed out - the “gaslighter” and person they are gaslighting - can look nearly identical in conversation (to an onlooker), which is what a Gaslighter would want... if they can’t straight up convince the audience, they are the normal one and their target is ‘crazy’... then atleast they make it seem nearly i,possible to tell who is the truthful one and who is lying - comepletely confusion. Because a Gaslighter will use all of these phrases in this video, but if you are TRULY in the right, but you are the Gaslighter’s target, you could POSSIBLY use some of these phrases too (in response to what the Gaslighter is doing to you, or saying to you). Someone who is use to this, can pick up on it, from other people and other sitatuions. (Then you may look like a know-it-all, when really you are just ‘an expert’ in picking up on a true narcissist or gaslighter, because you have been around it so much.). It would be tough to tell who is using these types of phrases to gaslight, and who is using these types of phrases - because someone is gaslighting them. Thats the (disgusting) beauty of it for the gaslighter.
Legitimate gaslighters, are bad people. I am not talking about the occasional mistake in memory, or joking around, or miscommunication. A true Gaslighter, is a bad person. Usually/often sociopathic.
It genuinely ruins the world, and can RUIN someone’s life - if you are the target of a sociopathic gaslighter. People don’t understand how “professional” gaslighters are at what they do. How powerful they can be.

Esha Dash

3y↑631

I’d say that gaslighters sometimes don’t even realize that they’re gaslighting, it’s like a subconscious defense mechanism. Lots of people use those phrases in different contexts, and they get what they want without realizing that they’ve preyed on someone’s feelings and psyche. Really makes you wonder whether you’re as clean as you think you are...

ab ab

@Ana in that context....yes we do

ab ab

No....gaslighting is lying at its core.....u dont know if ur lying...thats some b.s. a gas lighter would say... U think little white lies arent gaslighting..

Gypsy Woman

@ChantalYah Ysrael They most certainly are, and its always nice to see someone else who recognizes this. Too many don't ask why; they just comply.

Also your sn combined with your comment tell me you absolutely recognize the powers and principalities we are up against. Praise Yah! 🙏😇👍💖

Midnight Aquarium

@K.E. L. This is a good one!! I deal with this all the time and it baffles me when I encounter it. I don’t think it’s gaslighting when you’re interested in learning the other persons perspective and trying to understand where they are coming from so you can better understand the situation, how your behavior/actions affects them in order to make the situation better for both parties. It appears to to be gaslighting when you invalidate the other’s experience and deny them their voice in the situation. One is open and inviting discussion where both people are safe to express, the other is closed and defensive where the aim is to deflect responsibility and project it onto another.

Steppenwolf

3y↑2

No excuse. Everyone knows if they're making a valid effort to communicate or just trying to weasal out of responsibility or work of relationship.

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Boglárka Domokos

I grew up listening to my mother repeating these. She also added "You can never trust anyone but me" or "No one will like you with this personality and appearance, only I, as your mother, can tolerate all that" and "No one will stay in your life, I'm the only one who stays."
Not to mention that I grew up without my father because she took me from him and lied about every single thing to make me hate him. All of these caused SO much damage and pain that I don't think I'll ever get over them or heal completely.

Matthew Riegner

3y↑3

While I agree there are times these can be accurate in their use, I think it has more to do with the dynamic of the relationship and history of use. Does the person apologize ever? Do you feel as though there is some resolution after some arguments? Or do you regularly feel shamed, blamed, etc? Things like that will help you decipher if it's a person who gaslights versus someone who has a side to share.
Either way, if someone has hurt you, and they value you, they will apologize in some way. Apologizes aren't acceptance of fault, but acceptance of hurt. Acknowledgement that they value you and your well being.

Catunow

All those phrases mentioned in the video have been said to me by my "best friend" before I spoke up to him because of his gaslighting personality. I'm grateful that I ended terms with him but the healing process after I broke my friendship with him really lasted for so long and left me with a scar because I find it hard to trust anyone after that situation. Thank you for this video because I realized that I have been gaslighted for so long I did the right thing by ending terms with my friend. Maraming salamat Psych2Go! <33

Steve farms

2y↑1

I was in a relationship that said everyone of on the list to me and I never heard about gaslighting .. but I got away from that environment and now I am aware about it I tell my friends and family about it.. thank you for the video

oen wilson

3y↑2.8K

Most of these phrases I hear from my mom

What's harder in my situation is the fact that she uses the parent card and I can't fight back.

Orlando Aguasvivas

Please move out far away from her….

ab ab

Know not every one is fit for there position....edjucate urself and harbor no ill will... Everybody thinks different dew to different experiences... We cant expect someone to act as we would...

A

Relate much

L

For me it's my father

BurningFlamesofDivineDragon

Do you know your mothers email I say spam the email account with an alternet account of your own. Gaslighters can't fight back if there are no words that there victims use. Just find some Rick Roll videos here on Youtube or just comment the word "Spam" over and over again. Said as many messages as possible when she isn't around.

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Michael Oliver

3y↑1

I challenged a piece of misinformation about vaccinations. My attempt to debate with this person led to them becoming immediately defensive and he said I was gaslighting. From my perspective I was merely trying to have a disagreement on one of his points. I hope to handle these things better in the future for my own mental health.

nina stapleton

3y↑2

This was so enlightening. I appreciate it very much. I cant believe Ive never heard.the term gaslighting. My ex used all these terms on me. He is such a narcissist. Im no longer with him. But, I tell you. He had me cornered for a long time.

Van Lyndel Tolentino

2y↑1

This is one thing I've often thought I might be guilty of because of my tendency to correct other people. To me, someone's interpretation of what I said that does not make sense to me is a misinterpretation or a wrongful accusation. Admittedly, I have trouble expressing myself well sometimes but more often than not, I have proof through text messages. When I don't, I tell the other person that there may have been a misunderstanding because I don't remember saying what they said I said. And more often than not, when someone insists on their interpretation, I call them out for gaslighting or lying (when I have proof of the opposite). I'm still unsure if I'm doing this right.

🍋I want a reFUNd 🍋

Oh my gosh I've heard every one of these phrases especially from family and coworkers. I was just thinking this morning how there is something incredibly wrong with me and why am I so self-destructive. This makes me feel a little better and realize I'm not 100% of the problem.

Kayle Lang

3y↑845

I feel like gaslighting has made a full circle where people are trying to question your sanity by saying you are gaslighting them.

Patricia White

These videos do help some

Patricia White

It's cold and so wrong they know what there doing !!!!!!

Patricia White

That is so true

Philippe Zevenberg

I use other manipulation tactics that doesn't even require me to say anything.

ab ab

No....mayne u are but think its normal cause thats how u were raised.... The truth is the truth...gas lighting involves some form of deseption or lie... Are u truthfull with urself?

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• 【L】【o】【l】【l】【y】 •

2y↑1

Spent a lot of time listening to these statements and facing similar gaslighting behaviours that became more harmful to my self esteem each and every day - it took me a long time to realise I wasn’t crazy and to learn to listen to myself, to trust my instincts instead of trusting the narc who wanted me to believe I was worthless. I eventually got away from the situation, but I just want to reach out to any people watching this who may still be stuck in a similar position, and just remind you not to give up on yourself, don’t be fooled into thinking you’re not good enough, that your feelings don’t matter or that you’re always wrong. Don’t allow the red flags you’ve noticed to be brushed under the rug, but raise them, follow them, find a way out. You deserve better, you’re feelings are valid, and you are worth so much more. Sending strength and positive vibes to those that may need it - I have faith in you 💖🙏🏼✨

Sarah Wingert

I had a situation once, where my best friend told me that there's no way she told me something I knew from her, even though I was 100% sure she told me. We got into a huge fight even though what I knew was actually true. But I don't think she intended to gaslight me, I think she just lost her own memory of the situation and cause it freaked her she couldn't remember she tried to convince herself it didn't happen. :)

Whiskey in the JarJar

3y↑1

My favorite thing to say when someone attempts to gaslight me is "Your gaslighting game is weak af". That usually gets them to get on their toes. Also anyone who is living with someone like this, start keeping a journal!! Write down everything. Don't necessarily use it against them or rub it in their face, but do it for yourself. If you're keeping impeccable track of what's really going on it's harder to throw you off. Sometimes we really do just remember things differently and that where the narcissist plants their flag. Right in that little bit of wiggle room. I guarantee you they're not writing shit down, so you'll be the one in a place of higher understanding and harder to confuse. Good luck out there!

NEETard

3y↑1

One of the most comforting words/feelings is being heard & knowing & feeling that you're not crazy

figle figle

3y↑1.5K

So ashamed of being gaslighter for several years... Can't even imagine how my friend could forgive me. At the moment I'm more compassionate person fortunately

ab ab

Ive heard that from gaslighters.... If u havent been changed for more than a couple years then u aint cured....being decent to others is a life style not a phase...truely i wish u good luck..

TOS100 Returns

At the moment. Hmmmmm....

Gail Remp

Well actually your comment and weight is written is one more level of gaslighting. Try again.

Dude Watches DIYs and How Tos

@Agent Of Chaos 666 Name checks out.

nothing here

@Lu You mentioned the common definition of morality in one of your replies and I just threw my thoughts out to see if you had any constructive criticism to add so I can improve my views.

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Spinach

2y↑1

Thanks for the advice on my gaslighting. It’s incredibly helpful!

Asafoetida Jones

I have ADHD and went untreated into my adult life. I often forget parts of arguments after them because I shut down during, and I often see things differently than other people. I have been accused of gaslighting when I explain how I interpret or remember a situation, when I am being completely forthright. I understand and accept that other people see things differently and that neither party has a claim to absolute truth. Some things are objective, like if I turned the TV off, that either happened or didn't. Binary, button was pushed or not. But so many other things are subjective- "you said X!" "No, I said Y!" "But that's the same thing! Y means X!" "Y does not mean X to me. I didn't mean to imply X. I don't believe X is true. What Y means to me is... A,B, etc.."
In that case both people can be honestly speaking their truth with no intent to deceive but both could also use those same words to gaslight if they know they're lying. And there's no way to tell, at all, ever, whether the first speaker secretly did mean X and knew X was a the interpretation someone would take from Y and is lying when they try to distinguish Y from X, or if the first speaker honestly means only Y and the second speaker's interpretation of it as X is mistaken. Some people with trauma hear what they're primed to hear no matter what's said, and will twist anything to fit their narrative. Some people who aren't that bad will still do it sometimes when they're particularly emotional. I know that when I'm scared about a relationship ending, say, and they say "I'm leaving", my mind jumps to "I'm leaving you and our relationship", where they might mean "I'm going to work now." I felt the impact, emotionally, of something that wasn't what they meant to say, and even if I ask for clarification, it absolutely has to be coloring my response somehow.

My overall point is that many things which are not gaslighting can easily be mistaken for it - Rashomon effect, semantics, simple misunderstandings, culture clashes, someone who's bent on hearing things in a certain way. Of course it IS a real thing, but it's very hard to prove and I would argue hard to distinguish from other things. You basically have to catch someone in a lie, conclusively, that ties in to their attempt to mislead you. "You're being paranoid, I'm not cheating, you just see what you want to see". Well, if you catch them later and find texts from the time they said that to you, they were gaslighting. If they weren't cheating, you just suspected them unreasonably because you'd been chewted on before, they weren't gaslighting you*, although maybe the wording is insensitive, and you really were "being crazy" in the colloquial sense. Knowing the difference requires knowledge of an absolute fact you may not have. Right? Or *is it an absolute fact? People have different definitions of cheating. The speaker may not have had sex with or kissed the other person, and to them, that's the cheating line, so, they haven't cheated. The second speaker may see cheating differently and what first speaker did (let's say, texting someone "how's your day, I'm really sorry it was bad, you're a strong person have a good night" as cheating. So even there, there isn't necessarily an objective truth that can be expressed as a Binary.

Life is just complicated and truth is elusive. Some relationships exist between people with very different ways of being in the world.

Froggy time

Kinda reminds me of when I told my mom I thought I had symptoms of anxiety and wanted to go see someone who could diagnose and or help me and she said “you don’t have anxiety, people with anxiety are afraid to go outside” and when I brought it up later she said “I never said that” so I got tired of it because she does that all the time so I said “yes you did” so we went back an fourth until she finally said “fine I don’t REMEMBER saying that BUT IF I did I’m sorry” I also remember she asked “why don’t you talk to me about things” so I responded with “well eveytime you do something to make me upset you say, “no I don’t do that” and it makes me upset” and right after she goes “no I don’t do that”

Andrea B

3y↑4

I feel there are more subtle, indirect forms of gaslighting, that work by making you feel guilty or inadequate through offended behaviours, emotional blackmail, and repressive structures. Not explicit statements or accusations.

I am sure I have suffered this guilt-tripping, responsibility-shifting, and demeaning tacticts both in my family and in academia. I think this should be considered gaslighting as well.

ab ab

2y↑1

It is.... Gaslighters also range from smart to dumb...

Sherrie Chamberlain

3y↑2

Every single one of these as I come out of an 18 year relationship with someone I did not know was a narcissist until six weeks ago. Thank you so much for these videos and guidelines. They have lead me to counseling❌⭕️

ab ab

They dont teach us this in school cause gaslighting is a tool of the currupt...

Christine Polacek

3y↑1

I bought a book about this years ago after realizing it was being done to me and after watching the movie that was made back in the 40s
People that gaslight are usually liars as well ..

Lewis Lovelord

Great video with fantastic explanations, and your animator-illustrator is incredibly talented. You're incredibly lucky to have such talent aboard!

JP11! I see now! Great work my friend, you are incredibly gifted in your ability to simplify with such clarity - a true talent that should take you far!

Kent M

A truly informative video which would have helped me immensely to cope with my older brother while growing up.

GK2003

3y↑493

You missed a big one: “I was only joking”. That phrase is fine, if indeed the person is only joking. But imagine someone who, say, routinely expresses dissatisfaction in a gift they feel they are owed but haven’t even received yet. Say her birthday is a week away. You bring home a package. She asks “Is that my Diamond birthday ring?” You and she both know she’s not getting a Diamond ring this time around. That’s fine if it happens once, perhaps twice. But if it occurs multiple times each and every birthday, Xmas and Valentines Day, and when you finally get ticked off and she says “I was only joking, lighten up”, it gets sickening. (And hues, she has received diamonds and other expensive gifts many times in the past - even those were met with disappointment)

Maryann

Passive-aggressive manipulation. That's a heavy emotional weight to live with; heavier and heavier with time and with more servings on each occasion. That will make a person feel inadequate and a constant disappointment. The manipulator's game is to train you to please them so that they get what they want out of you. In doing so, if you behave and please them, in return you get to avoid the unpleasant feelings they will make you feel each time you don't. Over time these types of dynamics can develop into a Trauma Bond. It happens in relationships, workplaces, cults, and parent/child relationships. It's mentally and emotionally toxic, manipulative, and insidious.
Hoping you have since been able to distance yourself from such treatment.

ab ab

Ohhhhh i hate that one....

SomeShittyCoreBand

If I ever am dumb enough to give a bitch a diamond, and she is visibly disappointed, I'd better be smart enough to take the diamond back and start packing my stuff up right then and there!

Lord forbid I deal with a woman like that for more than a few days. Let alone a few months to a few years.

A T

2y↑1

My husbands fave one after he abuses me , I was joking why you taking it so seriously.

Wynn_Gaming

@Diana Eldon wtf are you talking about?

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S Cox

3y↑44

This video is a kind of gaslighting. Just because people say these things doesn't mean theyre trying to get you. It seems like suddenly 'gaslighting' is everywhere but it's not. Someone just gave it a name and listed some traits and now people see it everywhere. Don't be manipulated by people you love but remember, in an argument, theyre as emotional as you, and the things they say doesn't make them a master manipulator trying to corner you into a life of misery and servitude. Talk to them about it, they might be willing to change the way they approach conflict in your relationship.

Savic Jovan

@GuidetteExpert that perspective is heavily distorted by disorders

GuidetteExpert

Sometimes people dont understand the other persona perspective.

Savic Jovan

2y↑1

do you realise a gaslighter will do a lot of other stuff beside *saying these things*? this is just a a part of the puzzle.
for example, if my best friend told me something quoted here, i would believe him because i know his personality.
however, if my ex-girlfriend, top shelf mess in the head, said somethng like this i would know she is most likely gaslighitning (which she did)

B

2y↑3

I thought that too they should’ve done a visual situation in where the phrase could apply rather then a vague phase that could apply to almost anything

justrosy5

3y↑12

Now that was gaslighting, right there.

drumdad54 sdl

After pointing out hurtful behavior to someone, their immediate response was, "How rude.. you are too thin-skinned.. full of drama."
Pure gaslighting. I've since
gone no-contact, which has been difficult but necessary to remove their toxicity from my life. This was spot-on.

Star Spun

3y↑1

This makes me think of a person whom I confronted about our relationship and the whole conversation was laced with it. I now realise!! Suffice to say I left that where it was. It’s amazing how they do this. Best thing is to exit ASAP.

YourLocalNirvanaFan

3y↑1

Gaslighting is really harmful. I know my mum is gaslighting me, and my sister says she does too, but I'm still not sure if it's actually happening, or if I'm just imaging and forgetting what really happened

Marvin Thiessen

3y↑294

I was raised by a narcissistic mother who chronically exaggerated almost everything just short of fabrication. It got old quickly but that didn't change her behavior. "Gaslighter" sounds like another term for "narcissist". Either way they're never wrong, it's always someone else's fault.

Andrew Patrick

3y↑1

@Melissa G He is playing the victim card. Classic narcissistic behavior.

Sam Redbird

3y↑1

Like when your narcissistic husband tells you “it’s ok” when you state towels are in the dryer, or dishes are clean in the dishwasher. As if it’s ok you haven’t “finished the chores.” No, stupid, when you bitch because you can’t find your towel, or need a coffee cup, you know where to look 🙄

Marvin Thiessen

@Edu Stay positive, do whatever's necessary to stay clear of toxic people, even family members. You're mental health is more important than trying to be "the good son" and failing anyway. You can't win or please these kind of people.

Edu

Mine is also a narcissist. Talk about HELL... Sometimes I wish I'd be gone to no return

Marvin Thiessen

@LunarvanaStrike49 Thanks for the clarification. A simpler term for "style manipulation women" would be "game players".

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Jaimie Conroy

It was very interesting. I have heard these statements and even used a few of them. Thank you for the insight, I will reflect on this and be more mindful about what gaslighting is.

SithCelia

Might Be Toad

1y↑1

Okay but why did they give the gaslighter such a cool outfit 💀

HeadsUpDisplay218

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Rafael Dejesus

3y↑595

Another one is when someone calls you “petty” when you get angry over something that doesn't affect them at all.

Awakening Empath

the narc told a mutual friend his abuse was "just a little thing", meanwhile his ex is in the psych ward & I'm not far behind her

cvsmicnat_rblx

lmaooo

Sarah Dewan

all my friends in a nutshell

CC T

Yep I said I was going to do exactly what someone told me to do and they told me I was being petty. Really?!? Doing what I was told to do is being petty?!? Ok 👌🏾

Vince Gay

3y↑1

@Ann “You’re the one who’s upset. Makes me think you’re the problem.” Of course, no matter how calmly, quietly, appropriately and non-confrontationally you raise an issue, the gaslighter acts like you’re completely out of control, in full tantrum mode, on the attack. Also: it’s logical that the wronged party would be the one who’s at least a little upset. The person doing the wronging is getting her/his way, and has no reason to be upset.

Another common tactic: ask you one or more questions that are unanswerable, or that no one could reasonably expect, or that can’t be properly answered without some time to think first. If you don’t instantly have a perfectly articulated answer to every question thrown at you, well then, you must be imagining things. Unless being approached in an obviously unfair, aggressive, nasty, and accusatory manner, people who are interested in anything other than gaslighting don’t throw curve balls, don’t rush the conversation, don’t cut off opportunities for further discussion, and don’t interrogate. They want to hear you, understand your concerns, and do what’s reasonable to address them.

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JoltTheWolf150

2y↑1

I know someone in my class that does all of the above and he believes in extremely crazy things. He also called me useless and made fun of my body. He said my teacher was incapable of her job because she got anxiety and couldn't answer all the questions everyone asked at once. I managed to win the conversation a couple of times by not giving in even though he still denied it. But yeah... They can be really damaging

Gr8ness Humility

Each one of these can be viewed 2 ways. Try looking at this as though you were being falsely accused by an emotionally volatile person who is constantly creating hyperbolic tension in their relationships, you would probably say many of these phrases to such a toxic person.
In my experience I’ve witnessed more of these tumultuous people than I have seen gaslighting narcissists.
The problem with these lists is that they can always be looked at several ways and you can’t lock them into 1 scenario.
These are not strictly examples of manipulation. They are also examples of self defense against false accusations

Raquel M

Wonderful!! Covert narcissistic mother, grandiose narcissist father, narcissist brother and family. This helps big time to outcome the gaslighting and manipulation. Thanks big

Wayne-O 5169

“You know (this/that/or whatever)…” when you know no such thing or actually know something different to be the truth. It’s a great way to throw someone off balance. They have to stop their discussion to reestablish a baseline. It also forces you to contradict them directly, something many people are reluctant to do.

Yugoslav Partisan 1945

3y↑272

The best part is when you catch them out by poking a hole in their lies. You watch their face freeze as they have to rewire and make up another lie. I loved getting that power over my gaslighting narc dad

Chasity 21

I do the same to my son .

Joy 09

@Ivan Cortes well it's time to let go

Ivan Cortes

@Joy 09 I guess you're right I just keep holding on to the past, all the good times and conversations we had . Its hard to let go.

Twinkie

It isn't really the best part. You're playing along. They are getting their desired fight and attention from you.

Joy 09

@Ivan Cortes leave them. You know how toxic they are

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jay did - musician from the future

3y↑10

Here's one, "your gaslighting me". Every one of your phrases could either be legitimate, or gas lighting. The things that really indicate someone that is abusing another are, lying, leveraging logical fallacies, rhetorical, disregard for factual information, and above all avoidance of a third party that might objectively evaluate the situation. Lots of people that might use these statements might simply feel that way. I can imagine in many cases both parties say these things to each other simultaneously. The problem isn't the phrase, but the underlying inability to compromise.

DRiPPiNGSouls

My exboyfriend was constantly gaslighting me to the point where I got so choked up, that I was just shutting down. After I reached my breaking point I told him when he tried to argue, to not put words in my mouth, or trying to wiggle out of the question I asked that he had no real answer to. It went on and in the end I told him to stop gaslighting me.
I might be gaslighting unwillingly, specially in situations like that, but that I have to hear from people stating facts and not just them trying to turn the question around to make me feel bad.

Andressa Machado

Underated comment

R BZ

3y↑3

well said. it isn't gaslighting if it's true

samuski36

3y↑3

I'm an expert at spotting gas lighting, nearly every single woman in my life are pro's at it, starting with my mother!

El Chasqui

100% my mother. It got so bad that I would be fine taking the blame for anything, even if I had nothing to do with it. Or I never learned to fight for myself because I would never ‘win’ the arguments with my mother, no matter how much I was in the right. She was always right and had the final say.

Derek B

I used to go on family trips every once in a while and the main thing I remember about those trips is my narcissistic dad getting into arguments with my mom all the time and him trying to control everything and throwing tantrums when things didn't go his way. He asked me one day about what I remember most about the vacations and I told him his arguments with mom pretty much ruined those trips. He said, "wow, you got to focus on the negative, don't you?" A normal father would say, "Oh really? I'm sorry that happened son", but no he is incapable of owning up to faults or wrongs and pins them back on me or my mom.

The Slithering Peanut

3y↑166

The issue is that sometimes, you ARE in the wrong. The trick is to figure out when that is. However, most of these phrases ARE warning signs.

Justin Case

3y↑1

That's what i hate about amateur psychologists.

G H

3y↑9

Thank you! People are quick say another person is manipulative/narc/gas lighting when the 1st person is in the wrong.

Scott Perry

3y↑15

Yes they are warning signs that.
1. One or both individuals involved misunderstand or have misread a situation. The first thing to do is to clarify what each perceives. A lot of fights start when one party or the other, or both parties are mistaken about an event.
2. That one or both parties are looking for a fight, this happens more than people think and their are lots of reasons for this.

In a lot of innocent conflicts a little fact finding and rational discussion usually clears up a misunderstanding between two parties. One party does not understand the whole story, but together both parties can see an issue more completely. This works with two rational people who put what really happened and why it happened above their personal egos or control issues. Often people don't even realize they may have innocently offended someone and the other party may realizes they should not have taken such offence. An acknowledgement that you or they understand the perceptions of the other party and see why they feel that way often goes a long way in resolving an issue between two rational adult people. This can work to such an extent that these people may become friends or can become closer due to the mutual respect and rational behavior of the other. Again this works only for rational adult minded people who are secure in their self worth.

The Slithering Peanut

3y↑9

@Richard Chappell Yes, my ‘warning’ is more that one has to consider what the other person is saying, instead of assuming (which we have a tendency to, sadly) immediately that we are being gaslighted.

Richard Chappell

3y↑10

They are warning signs if someone is gaslighting. In and of themselves, they are not - as you aptly point out.

justrosy5

3y↑1

"All my friends agree with me, so the problem must be with you!" Though my personal favorite was when he misquoted my sent message, then reacted angrily to the misquote, placed even more guilt trips and blame on me, etc. Same guy pulled tons of other psych crap over the years, but of all things, that one truly took the cake.

Linda Mcavoy

My ex husband of 27 years often said to me dont say in front of our friends they will laugh at you ! Over the years I got quieter and quieter best thing I ever was leave him

Madeleine Forster

There was a lot of this going on in psychiatric hospitals schools and the work pl
Ace. I have been a victim of these statements

James Jiao

I am guilty of a lot of these. I didn't even know there was a term for it... Very helpful video.

Renata910

"I have no idea what you're talking about" is the very last thing my manipulative, cheating, abusive ex said to me regarding our relationship and his abuse before we officially broke up and stopped talking besides about living situations and splitting belongings. It was the final nail and in the coffin and it's the most infuriating and emotionally draining thing ever.

Shanoa Belmont

I've been called this a couple of times so I don't argue anymore,deep inside I know that I don't have malicious intent and I have a good memory and grasp on reality so I really don't care if others wanna bend reality to fit them or don't remember things properly,you do you,just don't think everybody is out to get you bc in reality they aren't.

N

Keep in mind whilst all these statements can be classed as gaslighting they can also be true so context is vital and considering other narcissistic traits is important too, otherwise gaslighting is just a term all to freely applied without real understanding

Zoe McDermott

Omg I’ve heard 5 outta seven expressions and it so true, I’ve finally heard enough! And starting to rebuild my life! 🤨

Elain Still

3y↑1

My first husband did this stuff all the time! It's how I met my second husband who was the love of my life! Thank God the first one died at an early age (38)

Roberta Gardner

3y↑295

Years ago I was married to a psychologist. I remember him saying ALL these phrases. We ended up divorcing. With these phrases he made me feel so very small and useless that I ended up having depression. I could deal with it now but then I didn't know what was happening. So please be careful and try to understand and learn about this. It will help you when you need it.

Spinach

Maybe he was in the right? As a gaslighter myself i know that many “””victims of gaslighting””” are really just looking to far into things, maybe he was simply being nice?

Z3N1TY

He’s a psychologist and acting the complete opposite of it tf
Hope your okay tho

lurklingX

2y↑1

some psychs and therps go into the field and have some of these issues and mental illnesses. we would hope they are all healthy people, but that is just not the case. (a lot of Narcs and Borderlines go into the field, even Sociopaths, as the allure in in feeling either important, powerful, or needed.)

Juju Blue

Yikes, I wouldn't want that guy as my psychologist. These people are supposed to help us heal mentally, not being abusers.

Albus Dumbledore

There’s a group of men going around the USA looking for vulnerable women. They use psychologists and attorneys for their nefarious plans. They know the law. There’s a legal phrase called plausible deniability. This is no joke. Single women, beware of dating scams. It can be very costly and will ruin your life.

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Dominic Pizano

Thanks for the tips! I’ll have to use these more often when gaslighting people!

Diana Dorsey

My mom still tries to gaslight me. It's always been in her narcissistic abuse toolbox but at 35, I recognize how she was still manipulating me well into my 20s.... and now I'm a psych major 🥸🙆

Sasha Martinez-Castro

This helped me realize the person I’m
With has been doing this to me for a while now and it made me feel like I’m
Crazy when I had evidence of each time they would try to switch up the story. Thank you for the wake up call.

Hailey Holmes

YES!! My mom pointed it out to me, but he became physically abusive as well, and now tries to rewrite history

Randy Smith

3y↑243

I’ll add an eighth: when the gaslighter tells you your feelings. Example: “It must be hard to live with your anger,” when you’re not even angry. Then, if you don’t know any better you’re keen to spend all of your time, and energy, and words explaining how you are not angry, instead of addressing the issue at hand.

As an antidote, gaslighters deserve all of the fruits of an antisocial response. Be blunt, and follow through on your threats without delay.

FMByakugan

Another example, with my boyfriend through text conversion. Him: "I found the other person that was flirting with me the other night". Me: "oh really? How did you manage that? 😅", (said this because it was an Halloween party, and everyone was masked, so I became curious, think it's plausible). Him: "there was a photo and it was tagged". Me: " ahah that made curious, but makes sense, nice 😂😂". Him: "are you jealous? =v". Me: "not really ahah, you are my boyfriend, I don't need to jealous 😅". Him: "yup, you are jealous...". Me: "no babe, I just got a little curious, nothing more @". Him: "hmm... Sure...". And continued with this insisting behavior, like I needed to be jealous and got mad with me for deny it. Tried to talk about other things to alleviate the conversation but was useless, cause his mind was settled towards that conviction. Conclusion: any discussion is obsolete unless you say what they want to hear, if not they will get mad, they need always to be right, making judgements of you person, your character, etc, in order to validate their beliefs, always for their gain. In this case, in particular (and this is me only guessing due the 5 years of relationship), it was to validate his self-esteem. So, as I didn't meet his expectations and needs for that, he got upset. And this is just an "harmless" example, because it tends to be worst and it's something that occurs multiple times almost every single day. Am I overreacting this situation? At this point I don't even know, cause like he always says assertively: "you know I'm always right, and everyone says the same thing...". Basically he manipulated everyone, included my friends behind my back. The only one that went immune to that was my best friend cause accompanied all my journey with him and saw in first hand a lot of interactions between us. If not for her (my friend), I think I would went crazy a long time ago, thinking it was all my fault

Patriarcus Rex

3y↑2

Mark Hoyle

3y↑1

And maintain eye contact so as to enjoy the response.

𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚎

I’m going to admit, I’ve always been an impatient person, but I’m still patient enough to sit there for hours waiting on something. But personally I wouldn’t say I’m an angry person. People are so nasty to me and try so hard to make me cry or get me mad, but I just kind of smirk through the pain, secretly I’m trying not to cry, and if I do get angry, to be honest, I sometimes hit myself when I’m alone. But my ex constantly told me I was abusive and said I was like my dad, and that he was scared of me, but bragged about how he could definitely stop me from play fighting him because of how strong he is. But overtime, I felt myself getting angrier, like I started to believe him. But I never act like that, I’m always silent trying not to cry but feel mad. But with him, he convinced me to the point that every time I felt like he hurt me, I would storm out the room and slam the door and cry and then try so hard not to let him in the room. Sometimes if he tried to get near me, I would kind of punch and push him away, not like beat him, but still warning punches, like you do with your siblings when they hurt you and try to get near you. But I can’t help but panic now that I’m abusive, and I just want to stay clear of people incase I’m ruining their lives.

Cathy Renick

3y↑1

Randy Smith; That's what they do is define you, and project their problem onto others. You don't have to answer or explain yourself.

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Winnie Chung

I have been gaslighted by multiple people some of whom are family for huge portions of my life. The sad thing is I literally believed that I had no ability to make any rational decisions when in fact I was just being manipulated for their gain. Videos like this would have been helpful for me in realising what was going on back then. I still struggle with gaslighting but I trust my own judgement enough to recognize something is off now. Seriously if someone keeps saying they care about you but their actions say otherwise, it’s gaslighting.

Liz M

I used to know someone that did every. single. one of these to me towards the end of things and it ruined four friendships in the process (there was a group of four of us, I was the outcast.) The one who said every one of these stalked me for a year afterward, tried to hack into my email, Twitter, everything. I was so gaslit, I couldn't tell you which way was up. I was the crazy one. I was the gaslighter. I was the narcissist. I was the one who left and sought help. It's been a long 16 months. But I learned and I'm healing.

MrButterpantz

According to this video, everyone I've ever had an argument with was attempting to gaslight me in one form or another.

I call nonsense.

Kris M

3y↑1

This video is about my sister. She didnt/doesnt use all the tactics, but is very strong in some. When we were young I was so scared of her, i avoided eye contact for years and when i talked to her or about our relationship to someone, i couldnt use her name.
Things improved when we both moved out and had our own families (i suspect her ex husband had a good influence on her). Now she's been divorced for a few years, her mental health is going down. We recently had a conflict, which ended in mé being arrogant and manipulative... 🤷‍♀️
Our family is full of ASS and ADD. Her son was diagnosed PDD, my daughter Aspergers. Both kids have a tree near, where they fell from, i suspect ;-)
I'm fine now, and i cant blame her.

Not saying everybody who gaslights has a mental issue, but its not exactly mentally healthy either...

Sreenidhi Reddy

3y↑982

I am 16 and I just realized that I have been Gaslighted by a school bully when I was 12 and suffered for 4 years .
The worst part is that she had the help of a teacher and a few other dumbass followers of his. 😔

Debbie Koenig

3y↑1

All teachers who bully should be fired! They don't deserve to teach kids and that's certainly not what they are paid to do!!!!

CoCoCoffee

3y↑1

I’m so sorry!

Luwana Bennett

3y↑3

@princess luv Thank you so much for your kindness ❤️❤️❤️💞💞💞

Sreenidhi Reddy

3y↑1

@princess luv sure😊

princess luv

3y↑2

i hope u are okay, please take the time to heal and prioritise ur mental cuh trust me i was bullied at 11 at now at 19 i’m still dealing with the trauma. just make sure to check on yourself x have a nice day

31 More Replies...

Qermaq

3y↑3

While all these are things that gaslighters will say to try and bend you, to be fair, a few of these are also said by honest, good people to those who don't actually make sense or seem not to understand things clearly. Just to be sure, a few examples is not enough to diagnose without further information.