On İki Dev Adam
aInna Lyrics

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Athena OooooooOoo Uh Ah dev adam oniki dev adam Uh Ah dev adm…

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Comments from YouTube:

Nick Staley

6y↑1.6K

In my personal experience, it seems as though having been raised by a family of highly agreeable givers that it's bred me into a highly agreeable taker. Having been given so much throughout my life, I've always taken it for granted and selfishly expected the same from everyone else without returning the favor. It feels good to get that off my chest, and realizing from the thought-provoking insight from this video that I can choose to become someone who desires to help others.

beepboopygjm

5y↑25

I can relate.

Arsenij Kostetski

5y↑47

Respect brother!

Mir Egal

5y↑37

I'm from a family of givers and always thought I was a taker, because I compared myself with them. But after listening to that talk and reflecting on what I'm like at work I would definitly say that I'm an agreeable giver.

dooley4919

5y↑14

This is so true. Becoming a giver is a learning process

Yepper 11

5y↑11

Out of curiosity are you the youngest child?

22 More Replies...

MT T

7y↑3.4K

Takers is why I hate group tasks at school. It's great to work with givers and matchers, but he's right, one taker can ruin the work.

W

6y↑49

god help me with our thesis i made a mistake of being in a group with a taker

Comprendersi

6y↑81

lucax tshotting that not true he could be a matcher. And disagreeable givers also talk like this. I’m a disagreeable giver and I find it very difficult to work within a group with a taker. I want to help and improve our group but it’s never possible when people won’t help each other or are cold and defensive/ never ask for help. It sucks

LiLi DeVol

6y↑8

For me it kinda really depends... Bc in most I'll get the work done perfunctorily, if everyone in the group splits up the work. And then there are situations with that one giver who decides that they can single-handedly do a better job than all of us and then it ends up in a fight, and/or me slacking. And then there are the projects where the entire effing team are takers and I basically end up doing my half really well and making their half look stupid.

Dominique

6y↑29

@LiLi DeVol I think that that one giver that wants to take over and do all of the work is that way because they've been in many groups with a taker(s) and feel it's easier to get everything done by their selves rather than get a bad grade/punished because none of the work has been done. You just have to make sure you step up and help, even if you have to convince them that you're serious about helping (this is, of course, in an ideal world though, because there are a lot of difficult people). As for the takers- well, I still don't know how to deal with them other than being like that one giver and trying to do all of the work (I promise, though, that I'm not like that one giver all of the time, if others are willing to help, I'll let them 😊).

Comprendersi

6y↑1

Dominique Day I agree because if we go up and everyone is embarrassed after the fact because we didn’t do a good enough job or our quality isn’t consistent it turns into everyone fighting anyways. I’d rather make up any slack in our group and protect our group image so that each one of the people in the group is protected and none of us have to lose face. As a group it our responsibility to help pick up areas for others if we’re good and it their responsibility to do the same for us. Your team members actions and performance is direct reflection of you seen as group your actions are seen as that of the group. If they don’t have the same sense of responsibility okay but if I do nothing and let it fall apart no matter what and my group members turn on each other or sacrifice one for their reputation or in general each of individual reputations take a hit which can follow you professional and personally, then i feel that I’ve failed myself but also others by being selfish and not putting in the work to protect us.

31 More Replies...

kreles

6y↑1.9K

"Protect givers from burnout" wow, this is a powerful concept.

Nasir Aziz

4y↑25

Only a giver will make that statement. Agreed!

Theo-bear

4y↑22

I saw that as a sort of thing as like protect the Hufflepuffs 😂

Penelope

4y↑14

It's so easy to want to do everything to everyone, and it's hard when you realize it's not possible to do that while maintaining good mental health.

azshadow32

4y↑11

That statement is amazing. It is very true especially when you help people but then they turn around and gossip or outright set you up. That happened when I was working at Walmart the summer before college started. This lady acted like the store martyr and I would help her do anything I could fit in while also covering other departments. Then she would complain that she could not work until 12am because of her kids. I said I would cover as much as I could and she said I agreed to do it all the time, and she didn't care I was taking summer courses at the university. When I asked the manager about it she got mad and that is when she started gossiping and lying about me, she would also throw clothes around to make it look like I didn't do my job. The manager would blame me and I said I quit. He didn't want me quit so he moved me to the photo lab. They all loved me there until after explaining i couldn't do 40 hours a week with fall semester starting where I had 15 credits and had to go part time at work due to the fact to keep my scholarships I had to have a 3.6 gpa. They lied and said I didn't tell anyone and the form I filled out disappeared. I gave my 2 weeks and they said I didn't so I just stopped going. Really screwed me up and made me wary. I had to quit that job 2 times and a different job 4 times since they would always "lose" my doctor notes. Had to quit that job 5 times, they would call me up saying I was late for my shift and act like I had not quit. My best friend is the same way and we have become a bit reserved and questioning of others since even family takes advantage.

Alexander Morrison

I love it

5 More Replies...

Therese Ward

5y↑107

I’m a giver. Recently after helping someone in my company I was immediately offered more work by the director (plus a 30% pay increase) personally I questioned my ability to handle the increased work load. I decided to accept. I have had to ask for help which has caused my relationships to grow. Now the people I have been helping are now helping me. Life is more balanced.

Kang Myungjae

1y↑3

This should be the norm of interpersonal exchange... but I don't know if we should let the takers be as a form of diversity

bimirabu

I’m going through this exact situation but I’m at the “increased workload” part and starting to need to ask for help. Your words encourage me. I’ll be more open to asking for help now.

Gabbie

1y↑12

What was said about giving within nursing is so true! 👏🏽 I’m a nurse and my own department was wonderful, we would all help one another when needed because we all viewed the patients as “our” patients. The atmosphere was wonderful and we won awards within our trust for highest reported levels of patient satisfaction. A joy to come to work. On other occasions, I’ve worked in departments where the attitude is every man for himself. So stressful & most heartbreakingly you can tell that the patients are not getting the care they need.

Abdullah Al-Mamun

1y↑1

Wise saying ❤

TheLastProzacNation

5y↑16

Interestingly enough, during my med school years the smartest (or at least the medically smartest) students were the ones who helped all their friends pass. In high school I used to be the best in my class in a few subjects and it was very easy for me to teach it to someone else or help them in any way, because it took little time and effort, but the rewards were great - I felt good about myself and had a lot of people owing me favors, although I tried never to ask for them or keep track of them. Now in my residency program I’ve noticed how the smartest last year residents and the smartest doctors try to help you so you’ll become better. The mediocre ones, or the ones who aren’t very smart (you can be a doctor and not be smart as long as you work hard) are very protective of their knowledge and don’t want to share what they know with anyone. They fear competition. The best never fear that.

Jagrati Bansal

7y↑1000

This Ted Talk is awesome because:
no bulshit self- advertising, no useless stories like "when I was a kid..", the talk gets straight on point, facts are backed by statistics, he mentions how this idea can help our society grow! Videos like this is why I'm still subscribed to Tedtalk channel.

Sollertia_

6y↑29

That's because he's literally sharing the gist of his research that was published in his book! He didn't advertise it, but I think it's worth a read. It's titled give or take

W

6y↑8

Well, when I was a kid....

Kang Myungjae

1y↑2

He is indeed a giver. I can see it in his eyes. Those give similar vibes as my mom's(who I find as an agreeable-seeming disagreeable giver to others. Idk what that means) although she's of different race(korean) xd

1 More Replies...

Sage

6y↑197

"You just have to find small ways to add value to other people's lives." That quote from Adam Rifkin is valuable!

Servals

6y↑10

As a giver I completely agree that we get burnt out super easily. I work as a hostess at a restaurant and I usually end up doing half of the waitstaff's jobs as well as my own, and I have 90% of the shifts even though there are three other hosts because I can't say no to helping out. Managers wouldn't give me a break for 10+ hours because I wouldn't ask for one and I'd help others so they could be on break instead. I couldn't handle it anymore and quit after three months, and even then I gave almost three weeks of notice because I wanted to make sure they'd have time to hire someone that I could help train so that they wouldn't be without a decent hostess. Only 6 more days to go and I cannot wait to leave, but at the same time I feel so bad for the other people that can't rely on me as much anymore.

Elly

42w

I am curious - how did your life go on after that?

MagicknightrayearthHope

4y↑5

As a giver and someone who is often afraid or self conscious to the point that I don’t want to ask for help, hearing the reminder that giving people WANT to help made me so happy. Thank you! I love this!

Arvensis Andromeda

7y↑9

I have had a disagreeable giver teacher for two years now and I was terrified of him at first... then I realized that he actually cared about his students enough to say that their work was crap and to start over and improve a certain aspect of it. He's a great teacher that threw me in the deep end of illustrator and mac computers and I appreciate what he has done for me.

Wepepe

5y↑1.6K

"you can learn a lot about character by watching how someone traits their restaurant server or their Uber driver." True

Per Dunk

5y↑6

I don't know where to put it so! In hospital it' scary, but i don't like the x-ray place. it's dark and lonely. You know.

Tega E

5y↑9

that sentence really got me thinking

Timothy Alan

4y↑52

As a Lyft driver, I concur. I always judge the character of the passenger by how humanely they treat me. You'd be surprised the request and comments people make when they see you as a thing completing a service and not another human being. The coolest people I've met were also the kindest.

Junior

4y↑5

@Timothy Alan It's interesting to know your perspective. Could you give some examples of the requests or comments?

유준영

4y↑6

If anyone noticed, that idea was also in Harry potter

14 More Replies...

Minotaur

7y↑837

I am a matcher. I feel guilty when someone gives too much to me, and I am always thinking about ways to make it up to them. When someone takes significantly more than they give, I try to figure out how to remove that person from my life. I am paranoid that the giver will leave, thinking I do not appreciate them. I am also paranoid the taker will keep taking what I do not want to give. Paranoia is not limited to narcissistic takers. I do not like being paranoid, but it is how I have always been.

Out of Order

7y↑19

Nabbitch The Rabbitch I think you should read the comment again and try to find out why your comment doesn't make any sense. I'll give you a hint: it's the takers he wants to be rid of.

Natasha Vermeer

7y↑45

Most of us are paranoid having dealt with so many takers, don't worry, you're not alone (and not narcissistic). Narcissists have ZERO sense of reciprocity or guilt being around givers!!

LadyEarthly

6y↑1

And I''m a giver

Ray Antonio

6y↑14

Minotaur hmm.. sounds like me.
Which is why I dislike others doing favors for me.. 😂 I tend to.. do more than expected. Cause I love a fair trade or even better: exceptional reciprocation.

Speaking of which.. my family itself are both opposites. Mom side (takers her specially) dad side (givers) both to the extreme. The moms pisses me off to the core with her inconsideration.. and my dad well.. he is always silent that he pisses me off for being too kind to a fault.. both sides has done a number on me on many ways lol (bad number). And perhaps.. I'm the epitome of them two. Either an extreme giver (my natural) or an extreme taker and basher (the burned out giver 😂). I do understand my dad but I don't understand my mom at all. It's war between me and her lol. I may talk about the war thing lightly but I despise her to the core of my being. Hence me loving to pound takers to a pulp haha.. so mean of me 😂.
But even takers need considering.. I guess the best solution is to keep them in check and on a lease. They tend to easily forget that the world isn't all about "them" more easily than not (subjectively speaking: pieces of 🤬..... really 😂)

From a burned out dissagreeabke giver that's growing into a matcher lol. Or maybe I really am a matcher....
kind of makes sense since I'm the child of those two 😂

Ray Antonio

6y↑1

Natasha Vermeer true that..... and it makes me really angry. I know how that is.. I need a taker punching/smashing bag 😂 (really lol)

9 More Replies...

HH Park

44w

It's an exceptional video that I have never seen before. As an Asian first-daughter, I constantly bear the weight of significant responsibilities that others expect from me. Because I perceive it as my personal duty, I find it challenging to seek help from others. However, people around me continue to seek assistance from me. Now, I realize the importance of being more assertive and learning to say no. Moreover, I aspire to contribute towards creating a society that values and protects individuals who are generous with their help.

enigma

4y↑84

I used to work for some middle managers who were classic takers, they’d make you do the difficult work then take the credit when the directors/upper management came. Most frustratingly they’d change their behaviour completely to come across as being more likeable when they did visit. Anyway, a couple of my colleagues and I had enough. Thankfully the directors were all givers (you don’t get to their status without teamwork and being selfish), they got wind of the situation with middle management and almost immediately (1 week later), they were reshuffled to a different department for less pay. Unsurprisingly they both quit, probably because it hurt their ego. That was probably best little win in my career, and hope to all the other givers/matchers.

Nick Supapol

6y↑16

(11:47) This part really resonated with me. It’s the perfect question when considering applicants. May just have to steal it. Also, couldn’t agree more about learning so much about someone based on how they interact and treat service professionals. Great lecture!

EmzTheMama 5

3y↑6

By far one of my favorite TEDTalks ever. I hope this spreads like wildfire, I’m definitely going to be part of the spreading!!! If I had been a protected giver, my life would’ve gone very different... grateful for my struggles, but excited to be a part of this change ♥️

Coolgirlbeccalol

46w

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I like the classification system and the goal of making organizations more friendly and rewarding for givers.

xman2008

7y↑43

"Success is really more about contribution." Well said.

Random Guy

6y↑8

This honestly reminds me of high school. Some people who sit back and don’t do work, while others begrudgingly finish what needs to be done. I remember starting freshman year as an agreeable giver, and ending as a burned out matcher.

3T

5y↑7

Thank you so much Adam Grant, I was feeling stuck by negative emotions for depression a lot, I feel so worthless and useless somehow, but thanks to your video I found out that doesn’t matter your education, status, your skill level in society... you can somehow help others and not helping and contributing to others, life is so meaningless, I mean there is not right or wrong here, but to help people who deserve a favour, it makes me feel so useful and not an incompetent person as I thought when I faced someone better and having higher performance than me, at least I’m useful somehow in this world.

Explorateur

5y↑4

I think we need to create positions for givers to give effectively, accommodate their skills, particularly the critical ones who are willing to say the things that are the most difficult but also the most beneficial.

They have the heart to give & the mind think about & to know how to do it best.

zohreh moradinia

Dear Adam, really really thank you for your precise speech. When I listened to your concept about takers and givers for first time, I thought as if someone is reading my thoughts that were based on a long and heavy experiences. I got stunned how people think alike. You can count on me to make a world where givers succeed.

Coconut Head

2y↑1

This was actually a really comforting listen. I consider myself to be a giver, and most of my coworkers takers. It's a pretty toxic work environment, and I usually get lower test scores that most of the takers. But it's nice just to hear it said that givers can still cause a net gain, even if it is tiring and feels unrewarding. Helps keep me going a bit.

Orion

5y↑75

I'm a taker. I've always had to fend for myself and it's hard for me to take other people well being into account when at somepoints in my life I didn't even have enough energy to help myself. For me, generosity is something almost mystical that I try to understand and apply when I can, but it's not easy even when I'm willing, like a language I never learned to speak.

Celestial vision

5y↑17

Pretty easy, just find your deepest desire. Most if not all, really desire to be a Hero. It's why superhero movies are so big right now, why there's so much push to save the planet, or save black people from oppression, or save gays from oppression, or so on and so on. People have the desire to be a hero in two fundamental parts, one is to get positive attention from others, but the other is just that they want to be a good person. Everyone wants to be a good person, it's when they think that it's too late for them, or they tried and someone beat them down and now thier bitter, that they stop trying to be good... but that desire doesn't actually go away. It's just like people's desire to fly, they see being good as impossible so they don't peruse it, and actually try to become evil sometimes because they see that as possible.

You have a giving spirit you just have to reach deep and find it. And of course prayer can help. Making it possible for people to be Good is why jesus died on the cross so they could lay thier evil on him and feel free to be themselves and overcome thier selfish wants.

I hope you see that you are a one of a kind, and that what you have to give to the world, or to people around you is so unique that no'one else could do it. And that as much as you've thought otherwise, giving comes so naturally to you that your surprised you don't do it every second of every day.

Salim AlBitar

4y↑4

That analogy was beautiful ❤ hope you learn it someday

KY JeLLY

2y↑10

Thanks for your honesty. No salt. Work on becoming a matcher. Everything else falls naturally after

Kyrgizion

2y↑3

Don't change. This world decidedly rewards takers much more than givers and matchers, no matter what this guy's figures say. I mean, have you watched the news in the past few years? I wish I could be like you.

Mikhail

are you changed after 2 years?

4 More Replies...

andj

6y↑780

I'm definitely a matcher...
Just because if you help me, I'll gladly help you. I used to be a giver but people took advantage of me so I became a matcher.

Max Minichiello

5y↑23

andja this is facts.

Jake

5y↑37

Im a disagreeable giver but also a realist. I try to help the group help each other but when l come across a full blown taker l have to accept they will never help and that because of that no one else will help them. Most people are matchers and they are easy to sway, but some people just can't understand the idea of if you help the other people then they are more likely to help you.

Oneus

Same here

johnnycake

Le oof

Penelope

4y↑14

I'm a giver but I set limits. I'm still in highschool and when people ask me for help with projects and I'll take as long as it takes to guide them without giving the answer. I do this so I'm not seen as a pushover or their easy way out, though I still don't ask for anything in return.

9 More Replies...

Jessica Agnew

5y↑3

Thought provoking, moving, and very helpful. Thank you for sharing the work you have done!

Thando Reviews

6y↑1

I struggled when I came to the realization that I was a giver and was surrounded by takers in every part of my life. The realization was brutal, because it was learning about significant people in my life. But it was needed and I have been on a quest of trying to be myself authentically but not expendable. It is not an easy balance. However, I am grateful this talk, will have to read more into it.

Blake & Nadia

5y↑1

Love the message: givers should be valued in our society. Simple and true. A lot of info here, but makes me think. Thanks for the video!

Courtz

6y↑2

I think I'm a giver, probably a disagreeable giver. I tend to exhaust myself trying to assist, but say what people don't want to hear, when it comes to improvements. Whenever something needs to be done, I usually step forward. I started to burn out, so the group decided we need concrete roles, so that I, in particular, wasn't allowed to do certain work. It was funny, but it worked. I was able to help, but not do everything.

ROZE``

46w

Same you,

momentary

7y↑141

Takers are people who don't see the point in making the world better. All that matters to them is themselves.

Givers do see the point in making the world better even if they have to sacrifice themselves to do it.

Matchers are people who view life pragmatically and know that making the world better is good but their own well-being is just as important. If they see a giver, they will join him or her IF they can. If they see a taker, then they will try to eliminate him or her IF possible. This is why givers need to be put into positions of power and takers must be removed from positions of power.

Jon Snor

6y↑5

Not really, you van give and take care of yourself, There are rarely extreme situations where sacrifice is nessesary. And you can take care about others better when you take care of youself. And still be giving a lot.

Kama Moksha

See see know

Ema A.

5y↑1

Agreeable.

PlagueKnight

5y↑1

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in alignments
Takers: Evil
Matchers: Neutral
Giver: Good

1 More Replies...

Ash Bridge Projects

7y↑1

This describes the last company I worked at perfectly. A team full of givers all helping each other out for the good of the company. Loved that place and all the people in it. I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning. Shame it closed down because our main client couldn't see how good we were and how we had their best intentions at heart. We gave them the truth no matter how bitter it was. They dropped us because nothing ever went wrong because we managed it so well. They thought anyone could do the job, so they went with a cheaper company who give them 10% of the quality. This presentation was accurate, people should make an effort to seek out the givers and keep them happy. They are the lifeblood of any company.

Tortoise Shell Turtle

4y↑12

When he defined pronoia, it actually brought a tear to my eye. What a beautiful idea.

Nephibis

4y↑1

I love this. I think i'm a matcher, because I used to be the type to give a lot, but now I don't like giving because I feel so drained. I tend to give even when I don't want to, except when dealing with people who I feel like are taking advantage of me. I guess i'm disagreeable considering that I tend to have issues at jobs with people not liking something I said, but I also usually end up doing everyone's job...

Dawn Lee

7y↑1

Hehehe I love this speaker. He's so funny. :) I'm a giver, but I've learnt to build boundaries now. It took a long time and lots of mistakes, but I think you have to stay true to the who you are and to the person you want to be even when you've been stabbed in the back or let down or betrayed.

Linda Field

5y↑1

This statement is absolutely astounding to me: “the more disagreeable, skeptical and far more likely to go to law school”. I went to law school and never before that had I met so many disagreeable, critical people. It was a difficult time for me and only slightly worse was when I worked at a large law firm where there were so many selfish people. I decided that I did not want to be a lawyer if I could only work at a law firm. So I now work as a government attorney.😊

Emme The Fangirl

6y↑362

I believe I'm a disagreeable giver. I can't stand people's stupidity but I want to keep them from dying. (And I love that House was in that catagory too)

cruisepaige

4y↑5

People who give and are mad about it are exhausting to be around. Go live on planet resentment.

YogurtwithBerries

4y↑41

@cruisepaige I know this comment is a month old, and while I do agree with your statement itself without context, I am under the impression that you believe that disagreeableness relates to being habitually mad and resentful. I want to clarify that disagreeableness is one of the Big Five personality traits in psychology defined by a lack of social cooperation and other related traits. They're more likely to challenge/criticize people and ideas, which is what Adam Grant talked about in the video. "They're the ones who give the critical feedback that no one wants to hear."

Being mad about giving and holding onto resentment as a prominent tendency falls more under neuroticism, which is the tendency to experience negative emotions. People who habitually experience anger and resentment might have a lower level of agreeableness too, but my point is that disagreeableness and neuroticism are not mutually inclusive.

Finn O’Rourke

4y↑5

cruisepaige they wouldn’t have resentment if you paid them back, just a thought.

Nic Teh

4y↑13

ahhhhhh i finally found another similar type, i'm with you on the " I can't stand people's stupidity but I want to keep them from dying" but as i grew older i start to learn that not all people wants to receive, especially receiving a hard cold ugly truth of a feedback so thus I've always give it one shot, if it fails I'll just move on

kap

4y↑4

Can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves

2 More Replies...

Unlimitlessly Funny Dude

success is not about competition it's about contribution
- Adam Grant

Janine Plamondon

Am I EVER grateful I have stumbled across this exceptional TED Talk, thank you so much for this presentation!! This was FANTASTIC! 💜💜💜👏👏👏

Career Chats with Laura

3y↑2

More and more I realize protecting the givers is so important, otherwise these great people will become jaded by the selfishness of those around them. And givers need to learn to stand up for themselves sometimes, it’s OK to say no sometimes and it’s OK to be a receiver sometimes.

Mr B

6y↑1

As a disagreeable giver, I found this talk very compelling. It also helps me understand the challenges I have faced in corporate America, which is filled with agreeable takers. Great talk.

Debbie Moore

5y↑2

I'm a giver with boundaries and I work with takers. The sad thing is most of my colleages are wrapped up in their own egos and selves not realising we are there for the greater good (the patient) and if we all rowed in the same direction more would get done instead of turning on each other and choosing to see the common ground. I treat others as I want to be treated and just internally chuckle that those takers think I am weak because I am a giver, WRONG it takes real courage to still give with an open heart after suffering nothing but hurt as their behaviour is a reflection on them.

mindy canales

5y↑4

I'm for sure the agreeable giver. My husband calls me his little hippy. I teared up at the end when talking about the burnout. I'm always exhausted and so rarely get a break because most people around me are takers. I'm always feeling left behind and ignored, not listened to as authority on things even when I know better then those I work with. I'm looked at as a slacker, yet I'm always working. To much of helping others. I get used a lot. Thank you for this TED talks.

Mark Robertson

If you know your getting burned out because people are taking then I must encourage you to stand up for yourself. If you know people are taking too much from you then you must stop giving it to them. You are in control of your life. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. I learned that how we view and hold ourselves around other people determines how they view us. This world is yours don't let anyone take it from you.

verycoolname

I was a giver but I was used a lot of times and became a matcher.

Ken Bell

5y↑1

Giving is a social exercise, it makes you stronger so long as you don't over do it.
Give others the space to give and even takers will surprise you.

Mike Mendez

Amazing speech, I love these as they open my mind to new ways of thinking about how complex people really are. But I have a question, how can I attract more of these people around? Also, to my knowledge, I'm a little bias when judging myself. How can I know where I stand? Thanks :)

Sun_Ocean_Sky

2y↑1

I am a giver who has reached burnout . I was naive about all the takers in my life and oblivious about what exactly all the takers wanted from me. Because of my giving nature and lack of boundaries, I have allowed so many toxic people into my life . Now I know better and I am sad about the realization that most of the people ( not all ) are out to extract what they can from you/ me. I had to find my balance ( still working on that ) between people-pleasing and being an empath that wishes everyone the best life has to offer.

Random dude

I used to be an agreeable giver before experiencing firsthand being betrayed by coworkers. I never wanted to help anyone ever again when I found out people can be so selfish and spiteful. I hated every minute of being around such despicable beings. How I truly wish for a workplace that weeds as much of those people out as much as possible. But that seems impossible seems most managers care more for profit

Shanna John

Nghe Phúc hát mà nước mắt rơi mãi ....quá nhiều cảm xúc ùa về, quá nhiều kỉ niệm. Cảm ơn Đức Phúc thật nhiều, giọng hát anh ấm tựa nắng mùa Thu vậy.

C. V. V. - Mx

5y↑3

Great and revealing chat. He's made me realize somehow why some people are so indifferent sometimes.

REDSPODCAST

2y↑1

Absolutely I agree If you are a giver watching this video take pride in it man the world desperately NEEDS more givers more people like YOU not selfish greedy pleasure driven snakes continue to be amazing

Mary Preisinger

20+ years in bilingual teaching, Dad was a psychiatrist, heard a lot of talk...
You rock!

Kitto

4y↑1

The great thing about a matcher is they match who they’re surrounded by. They can morph into either or.
One positive deed will spark another. 🌟

Eyal Kalderon

I think I would be considered an agreeable matcher, maybe a giver under certain circumstances. The trouble is, I'm pretty early in my career, so it's difficult to answer the screening question "who are four people whose careers you have improved?" I can list perhaps two names who were more junior than me, but most of my time in the vast scheme of things was spent being mentored and shown the ropes, which feels like taking to me. I don't want to be a taker, and I would like to recognize if I am one. Where would someone like this fit on the spectrum?

Picky Monster

Disagreeable givers.
'Identify and protect the disagreeable givers' - we need more companies who think like you. 🥺

Humphrey 🏳️‍🌈 ('-'*ゞ

7y↑240

I'm a giver, and EVERY job I've had, the TAKERS are the ones rewarded the most, while ALL of the GIVERS are shat on by management. And when the Givers decide to leave, they wonder why everything goes so sour, so quickly.

Divine Linker

7y↑11

if you were truly a giver you wouldnt be so upset by the lack of your taking.

Humphrey 🏳️‍🌈 ('-'*ゞ

7y↑80

I think there's a little bit of confusion here. Givers are not endless supplies of giving. They have a limit. And, it's a bit of a misnomer because there is a degree reciprocation involved in their lives too. Givers have emotional needs and feel just like everyone else. They can feel sad, lonely, mistreated and even angry. Like the speaker did say, Givers can stop contributing if they feel they aren't being treated fairly.

Lootbug

7y↑15

Duck Duck don't be a giver, you'll only end up hurting yourself. Being a matcher is the type everyone should be. A society with givers running it would fall pretty quickly to takers. Give and take, it's what life's all about

Ema A.

5y↑10

@Divine Linker I think I'm a giver, but you're making it seem like givers aren't even human. I sacrifice a lot of stuff to others but they end up abusing all that help I give them. I'm happy that I can help, but it hurts when they ask for help TOO MUCH or EVEN IF THEY DON'T NEED IT.

Stephanie Robinson

5y↑1

Jonathan F true story

4 More Replies...

Daan Van Velsen

I have seen this video twice now with more than a year in between. What he is saying makes perfect sense with every project i have worked on.

ROZE``

46w↑1

This was the best conversation I've ever heard ❤

ROZE``

37w

IM HERE again after 2 months, it still the best speech I've ever listened in my entire life

YSFmemories

I'm extremely paranoid, but I am a giver.

I guess the difference is that I'm not a "true" giver; deep inside my heart, I am extremely selfish and self serving, but I've been raised to push down all of my bad traits as much as possible. I feel a sense of obligation and responsibility to give more than receive. I genuinely feel that being a "good" person is the ultimate goal of life.

And so I give. But because of my true selfish tendencies, I am still paranoid.

Claysicle

It is much more satisfying to worry about and fix other people’s problems than your own. You get to feel accomplished afterwards, and also get to feel awesome for being a nice person.

Harry Hildebrandt

I think it's probably not ideal to label people as givers or takers, because it antagonizes the "takers." This might not seem like something that anyone should care about, but if people are treating others poorly, there's often a reason behind it, and with outside help and support, they might improve their behavior. So rather than "weeding them out" it might be a good idea to try and help them grow.

Leniska Shahaya

4y↑3

Definitely a matcher. My sister made me coffee in January and I paid her back last week. I never forget so don't worry. I can remember almost all favours that people owe me and definitely all the ones I do to them.

Elizabeth Ramos

4y↑1

Ben, I am truly sorry that your love for others was not rewarded in your time or need. Those people, who pretended to be your friends, are truly takers and losers. If you believe that the good you have done will not be forgotten, then believe this--you are a special person, and somehow, good will come to you in abundance. You, Ben, are in my thoughts and prayers.

DerAltruist

His name is Adam

Muhammad Fawwad

Has anyone saw tears in his eyes? It shows that he too was a victim of such plot in which givers usually suffer and he deeply knows how does it affect them. I hope surely we will be living in a world where givers will be a priority for successive organizations.

Mint

I am a giver and have definitely learned that I need to create boundaries with people because otherwise I get taken advantage of. I am still a giver to strangers but little things that I don't feel can hurt me. XD Givers and matchers need to stick together.

The Redeemed

I think I’m kind of a disagreeable giver sometimes but at work I was always an agreeable giver with high productivity. Was promoted quickly at any job I had, partly because I liked being productive and I enjoyed helping people and I dislike making mistakes. I also don’t like disappointing people or being disagreeable at all. (At work) but at home I really don’t mind being disagreeable in order to maintain order.

DailyToker

5y↑2

Great talk. This really is one of the major issues holding us back as a species.

strpwnr3

7y↑625

The biggest problem with being a giver is how everyone around you are constantly nagging at you that your mindset and philosophies are utopian and marxist, and that anything you do which doesn't pursue one self's best interest, in some form, is a waste of time. It makes givers burn out faster than a match in space.

Anubhav Thakur

6y↑28

Yeah I can totally relate to your comment. I have been there, and still people tend to say something like that to me from time to time. But I will prove everyone wrong with my actions.

Sonja Waringer

6y↑26

A match in space (i.e. vacuum) won't even ignite to start with.

quick beam

6y↑10

Also the fact is. That giving your own things....is a lot different than giving other peoples’ things. Which is where the quote “marxist” comments come from. People dislike it when someone else takes something they feel that they worked for. Ya see? Sorry if this wasnt what you meant. I conjectured on the oft incorrectly used labels you said people gave you ;3

Colin Higashi

6y↑14

Pretty sure you got it right, Quick. People are very quick (not you) to label anything that takes "their" resources as "marxist", even if they end up benefiting from it. The thing is, everything that goes into the economic system will tend to sustain and benefit it and therefore them, whether that's me buying a loaf of bread or an undocumented immigrant working as a fruit picker. I'm happy paying into the system; it keeps things running nicely and I like nice things. They are apparently not happy paying into the system because it's "their" money and they, not entirely unreasonably, want to have every right to it, but even if they don't pay their share they still benefit from my share. They benefit from workers being healthier and therefore not losing productivity to sick days, which I help pay for with my health insurance. They benefit from everyone being provided a free public education (which taxes pay for until people get to college, then screw them), which makes the average worker more effective in the service and technical jobs that keep so much of our economy running. They benefit from public roads and other infrastructure, for obvious reasons, which taxes help pay for. They even benefit from undocumented laborers, since all provide labor to the economy, all provide another consumer to the economy, many still result in payroll tax on the employer's end, and none can benefit from most of the benefits of being a taxpayer. They actually get a lot of benefits from the government and the garsh-darned libruls "stealing" peoples' money, and if I and everyone else stopped paying into the system the way they seem to want to they'd end up with a whole lot less. Similarly, if they stop paying into the system, I end up with less despite working and paying exactly the same amount, which shouldn't happen if it's really "their" money. If I may be so bold as to creatively reinterpret a taker's perspective, I really have a share of their share, which makes it not really their share at all, and if they don't pay the part of our share of society's burden that they currently possess then they're effectively stealing my share of their share for themselves. That makes them thieves, not to mention bloody hypocritical, and we all know how much they hate thieves. So no, giving my own things is not as different from giving other people's things as one might want to think. What do you think? Am I hitting close to the Marx?

easytoslip

5y↑2

@strpwnr3 that commentary sounds a lot more like the product of your life, ie: the critical voices within you, versus what people around you might actually be saying and thinking, or stuff you've read on the internet maybe. Feels a touch unrealistic and self-defeating. Fear of failure? Fear of success?

14 More Replies...

Banella Golpashin

Amazing talk! Thank you 🙏

Cozmixcartoons

51w

I guess i'd say im a matcher. I used to be a manager at a landscape company a while back, and I always expected my team to work hard, but id like to think I treated them ok and appreciated the hard work they did. I used to be one of those workers myself at a time. I never really wanted to be in chage in the first place, but sometimes if you stick around a place long enough, you end up getting promoted.

Id like to think I helped some of those guys learn to cut a good lawn and tend a good garden. Maybe feel a bit better about themselves too. They were a great team. When I saw how good they made our properties look, it made me proud. Proud of how good it looked, and proud of how I helped them make it look good.

Nazek purples you

I used to be more of a giver, but after being left out, I couldnt take it anymore. It felt like I was the only one truly trying in my friendships, the only one to care about finishing the team project... So... Now I am a matcher. Giving and taking equally. It doesn't matter if I take from a person I gave to, because sometimes an unexpected person can offer to give me a moment of happiness, the company that I needed. And after I take from that unexpected person, I would like to give them too. I help others with projects only after I have finished with mine. And if I ask for help in the future and the ones I helped dont help me back, I will think very much before I go out of my way to help them again. I want to have a successful life and this path seems to have better chances of succeeding than the path of a giver.

Gosia Cegiełka

I think I'm somewhere between disagreeable giver and a matcher. Most of the time I only want to give and make others happy, even if it doesn't seem like it, I never do something expecting something in exchange, but I also remove toxic over-takers from my life, because I won't let anybody milk me like a cow for their benefit.

Angelicas Best Version

5y↑2

Great talk! Thank you so much for sharing this information!!

Julie

5y↑5

Very good speech. Love it!!! Thank you!

Edward Chu周友丰

Awesome sharing ! I love this video so so much. Be the givers and never expect for the return ! Then, help the others to succeed then we will be succeed too. Share this awesome video ! We need more givers in this world

Mandy

fantastic speech!!! I am going to share this with as many givers and mixes as I can! I will not share this with any takers however ... let's face it, it won't make them better people! it will only serve in teaching them new methods to screw with us!!! .... Thanks for sharing 😀

Andy

Time and time again I find myself as a giver. When it came to my experience working in the corporate world I would always have upper management ridicule me for not being up to par because I would spend a significant amount of time helping my peers exceed. To me, it seems that takers are usually the ones who achieve short-term success but in the long run I truly believe that the way I do things will ultimately benefit the organization more.

For all the givers out there that are like me, please don't ever change. Instead of changing yourself to conform to the cutthroat culture that the business world entails, lets change the whole system from the ground up. Never lose faith and hope that you can change the world, if that's one of your goals of course.

Narendra Gavali

2y↑1

Simply amazing!❤️

Ani Tepnadze

Titanic presentation, Thank you! Cannot wait to read your books

HLLNZ100

5y↑54

Man I'm such a giver and i was always deluded that this part of me is weakness but this talk changed my mind, however i need to try my best to become a matcher cause life is too cruel

amanda

4y↑6

HLLNZ100 dont, that is such a good quality and the world needs people like you. every thing good will come back to you, even if it’s not instant gratification. hope this helps u and i hope u know that i appreciate you :)

OnyxTay

4y↑1

That's one lesson to take away from this talk. A different lesson would be that matchers outnumber both givers and takers, so giving will generally work out for you. You've got a 25% chance of encountering a taker, everyone else will respond positively to your giving.

Picky Monster

That's so true. I'm learning to be a matcher.

Ananamu

Excellent talk ...I would add ,that the successful givers are those that find ways to " give without sacrificing" themselves ....the giver,taker group are often intellectually counting and giving to get back in a most unpleasant way ...takers can cleverly disguise themselves as charmers and victims .....all this connects to the Drama triangle ( drug and alcohol roles) which can be transformed into the winner triAngle . Self protection, self care and awareness of vulnerabilities...listen to your feelings

Green Boy

I am an agreeable giver. I've been that way for years, and I have been cautioned about helping too much because my managers thought my other tasks might be slipping. I burned out at the last place I worked. Helping was actively discouraged.

But I really like helping people.

TheDarkAngel27

Absolutely resonates with me. I am Ned Flanders in this situation. A new guy joined the team at work who was a snake (agreeable taker). He used me, stole my suggestions to make himself look flashy to the big wigs. He burned my bridge and clouded my trust in people. I am weary now.

Pradipta Sundaray

4y↑1

What a great talk!!!!!I loved it!!!

S

Best ted talk. Useful for the world. Not just givers.

J. M. Waterford AS Xiphane X

6y↑13

Dear Mr. Grant,
Yours is one of the most helpful presentations for business development I have ever enjoyed. Thank you.
Jayne :)

10521577A

3y↑1

My fiancé had an argument with me because I’m too much of a giver that it burns him out. I just realized I’m an agreeable giver and he’s a disagreeable giver. This is why I love him and will always cherish him. Also, he’s damn good at spotting takers.

SoirEkim

4y↑1

Wow! 🙁A third the way into this video and I immediately felt better about my own experiences. 🤔 It is worth doing what I do after all. 🙂 We do burn out and are extremely tired of being taken advantage of! 😫

Zoldyck

A disagreeable giver is exactly the kind of person I've wanted to be for a while now. I just think it wards off takers when you meet them, also I think it'd give me a healthier state of mind. Wish I could change in a snap.

Ximena Del Río

We are all givers in esence because we all have different things to give and share with others, everyone can be a provider of something for others. Even if we are talking about a friendship or a romantic relationship, I enter that conection with full self-awareness of what I want to give and what I want to receive.

Some Metal Chick S.

I used to be a disagreeable giver (and still am to the coworkers who I respect and trust), but have moved more toward matching after being burned by takers, and ignored or shut down by people who only see the "disagreeable" part. I've had too many jobs where bosses say "I value your input and suggestions" and then when I point out inefficiencies and poor methodologies, I am told I'm being rude, it's not my place, why can't I just do my fucking job, etc.

Oh, well.

Hannah Albarece

4y↑3

Wow! Super useful. "Protect users from burnout," and when creating teams "Get the right people on the bus!"

Karenna Chaudoin

I think this video gives people the a new perspective on why it is important to be generous to others

Inflatable Carnival

I’m legitimately an agreeable giver . The worst kind of person .

To prevent burn out , I moved to a cabin in the woods away from everybody . The isolation has saved me . I can be the most agreeable giver at my job because when I’m done with work , I go home and don’t have to deal with anybody else .

I have found my own way of bringing balance to my life . 😜

Steffen Jensen

I'm definitely agreeable and I hope I fall into the giver category.
But I've grown less and less generous in certain circumstances where people tend to exploit niceness.

Rebecca Rakuza

I love the TED videos. Thank you so much for posting them and for free. Education should be free for all and easy to reach and absorb, just like your videos and content. Thank you so much to TED and all the speakers and everybody that it takes to make the talks happen! It's much appreciated

Jami♡

I was an agreeable giver back then, when I was still young and naive. I cant say no to others, even if I wanted to. Until I grew and found it annoying that some people could take advantage of your kindness. Now I felt like Im in between, but a lot more giver still. I became disagreeable giver. I now know how to say no. But sometimes I also say yes even if I dont want to, so I dont do it in the end, but will be guilty, resulting to me doing it anyway.
My husband is a taker, an disagreeable taker. It felt like I was also becoming something like him. But I also felt like I will never be a taker, although some people will say Im selfish, I honestly could put others first than myself sometimes. Its suck when you have good intention to others, but they dont (have any plans on returning) return the favor, so you left with nothing. I learn that, theres nothing wrong about being a giver, but you have to learn to disagree sometimes.

badr BOUSLAMA

5y↑49

each one of us is a Taker, Matcher, and a Giver all at once, I believe that the circumstances X values X priorities that decide which one we should be.

José Henrique Ferreira de Souza

4y↑19

But there's usually one of these styles that is your default. It becomes clear when you observe a lot of persons working under very similar circunstances or the same person working under very different circunstances. Everyone has a default style, but they can learn to perform other style.

J oliver

Yep you Nailed it

Christy Charity Chambers

He says this as a disclaimer before introducing the concepts

Cecile Corbel

7y↑1

I'd say I'm a Giver, not because I consider myself to be a good person, but because I'm a perfectionist to the point where it gets a bit obsessive, and many times that fact has led me to do all the work by myself. I need to feel like I have everything under control, even stuff that doesn't necessarily affect me directly.

For example: if I'm doing a group presentation, I'm willing to prepare my classmate's speeches as well because I want the presentation to be perfect, not just my part.

I always end up feeling exhausted, but i know that if I don't do it that way I'd feel even worse because I know I could've done better.

Marcella Souza

I feel you 😢

Bärbel Barbara

i would say that i'm a matcher and i try to surround myself with people who share this trait.
i think every matcher has the potential to be a taker or a giver: when you're surrounded by takers you are forced to be the giver otherwise the work will just be left undone; when you are surrounded by givers you get tempted to just be a taker in that situation espacially when you assume that they are better at doing the work than you.

Tyson Koch

This lecture and his other TED talk about the minds of great thinkers/ originals, ARE BOTH PURE GOLD.

p.s. anyone who watches videos like this or educational/ self development, videos, should take notes so you can reflect and make this information, knowledge you can use, not something that goes in one ear and out the other.

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