Beauty
awakebutstillinbed Lyrics
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What am I waiting for?
What do I think is going to happen that hasn't happened before?
I'm lost, what am I doing here?
I already know what's going to happen so why waste another year?
I don't know
Is there hidden beauty in this life?
Do I really want to live to see my friends die?
I don't think so
I wish I could be a believer
But I know it's gonna stay like this forever until I go
I worked all week, spent my spare time staring at screens
I couldn't sleep, I couldn't remember any of my dreams
I couldn't bear to see the things inside of me
I wannaa be who I was at age 13 again
'Cause now all the girls I used to know
Can't come unless they're being choked
If our future's bought and sold, is growing up just getting old?
Cause now all the boys that I knew won't look at me unless I'm nude
They said it's catching up to you, yeah time is catching up to you
All the girls I used to know can't breathe unless they're being choked
So if our future's bought and sold
Can someone tell me where to go?
Cause now all the boys I used to see
All think there's something wrong with me
I want to be who I used to be
I want life with intimacy, but it was taken from me
But it was taken from me
All was taken from me
Yeah it was taken from me yeah
Is there hidden beauty in this life?
Do I wanna live to see my friends die?
Why can't I be a believer?
Is it gonna be like this forever?
Why not?
What am I waiting for?
What do I think is going to happen that hasn't happened before?
I don't know
In "Beauty," the singer is grappling with the existential question of whether there is any hidden beauty to be found in life. They express feeling lost and unsure of their purpose. They acknowledge the inevitability of their friends' deaths and express a desire to believe in something, but they can't shake off the pessimism that consumes them. The singer yearns for a return to a more innocent time, perhaps when they were 13 years old.
The lyrics also touch on themes of sexual violence and societal pressure to conform to a certain standard of beauty. The singer laments that the people they used to know only seem to be interested in them sexually, and even then, only if they fulfill certain expectations. The bleak outlook presented in the lyrics suggests that the singer feels powerless in the face of these societal forces.
Overall, the song seems to be a meditation on the despair that can come from feeling trapped in an oppressive society with no clear way forward.
Line by Line Meaning
Why not?
I'm questioning why I'm not doing something, trying to push myself to take action.
What am I waiting for?
I'm aware that I'm not progressing and I'm asking myself what I'm waiting for to start moving forward.
What do I think is going to happen that hasn't happened before?
I'm aware that my past experiences are hindering me from moving forward, and I'm questioning what I'm hoping to achieve that I haven't achieved in the past.
I'm lost, what am I doing here?
I'm unsure of my purpose and I'm questioning why I'm in this position, feeling like I'm not doing what I should be doing.
I already know what's going to happen so why waste another year?
I'm aware of the pattern of events that have been repeating in my life and I'm wondering why I should waste another year without change.
I don't know
I'm acknowledging uncertainty and admitting that I don't have all the answers.
Is there hidden beauty in this life?
I'm questioning whether there's more to life than what I'm currently seeing or experiencing.
Do I really want to live to see my friends die?
I'm questioning the value of life and wondering if it's worth it to see those close to me age and die.
I don't think so
I'm admitting that I don't want to confront the consequences of living a long life.
I wish I could be a believer
I'm wishing that I had faith in something or someone that I currently lack.
But I know it's gonna stay like this forever until I go
I accept that unless I make a change, nothing in my life will change and it will continue to remain stagnant until my death.
I worked all week, spent my spare time staring at screens
I'm admitting that I'm spending all my time working and distracting myself with technology.
I couldn't sleep, I couldn't remember any of my dreams
I'm struggling mentally and emotionally, unable to rest or find peace in normal activities.
I couldn't bear to see the things inside of me
I'm facing difficult personal issues that are causing me emotional pain.
I wanna be who I was at age 13 again
I'm longing for a time when things were simpler and I didn't have to deal with adult problems and emotions.
'Cause now all the girls I used to know, can't come unless they're being choked
I'm acknowledging a disturbing trend in dating that intersects with harming and degrading women.
If our future's bought and sold, is growing up just getting old?
I'm questioning the value of growing up and how it often means compromising personal values and beliefs.
Cause now all the boys that I knew won't look at me unless I'm nude
I'm acknowledging the pervasive culture of sexualizing women and their bodies.
They said it's catching up to you, yeah time is catching up to you
I'm acknowledging that eventually one has to address the mistakes made in life and those mistakes will catch up to them if they don't take responsibility.
All the girls I used to know can't breathe unless they're being choked
I'm doubling down on how widespread and distressing this issue is.
So if our future's bought and sold
I'm stating how the future often seems to be predetermined by those with power and wealth.
Can someone tell me where to go?
I'm asking for guidance and direction, feeling lost and unsure of where to turn.
Cause now all the boys I used to see, all think there's something wrong with me
I'm feeling rejected, judged, and unsupported by those I used to know.
I want to be who I used to be
I'm longing for a time when life was simpler, and I didn't have to deal with the issues currently at hand.
I want life with intimacy, but it was taken from me
I'm expressing a desire for an emotional and physical intimacy but acknowledging that it has been denied from me due to my own circumstances.
All was taken from me
I'm acknowledging that life has not been fair or easy, and much has been taken from me unjustly.
Yeah it was taken from me yeah
I'm emphasizing the losses I have experienced in life and the lasting impact of them.
Contributed by Amelia M. Suggest a correction in the comments below.