Hurt
david bowie and nine inch nails Lyrics

I hurt myself today,
I inflicted pain on myself intentionally, just to ensure that I am still capable of feeling any kind of sensation.

To see if I still feel,
I was curious if I am still alive or if something inside me has died, that might prevent me from experiencing emotions.

I focus on the pain,
The pain is the only thing that I am certain about, that I can count on in my life, and thus it has become my sole focus.

The only thing that's real,
The pain is the only concrete reality for me as I feel that everything else in my life is either a fake or illusion.

The needle tears a hole,
The needle I use to inject drugs into my body creates a wound that marks my body and my soul.

The old familiar sting,
The familiar pain from the needle is strangely comforting and reassuring to me. It is a pain that I am used to, and hence, it is familiar.

Try to kill it all away,
I try to numb the pain that I feel by self-destructive behavior like drug abuse, which only ensures the pain compounds and grows stronger.

But I remember everything,
Despite my attempts to forget or escape from my past and my present, I cannot help but remember all that has happened and what I am doing to myself.

What have I become,
I wonder about the person I have transformed into – someone who is in constant pain, self-inflicting harm, and pushing people away.

My sweetest friend,
The pain, the addiction, and the self-harm have become my closest companions and my only source of comfort.

Everyone I know,
All the people that I have come across and have had any connection with, be it family or friends, have distanced themselves from me due to my self-destructive ways.

Goes away in the end,
Everyone in my life eventually leaves me behind despite my attempts to hold on to them - be it because of their disgust for my ways or my unwillingness to change.

And you could have it all,
I have nothing, not even myself, but everything that I do have is yours for the taking - be it my possessions that matter little or what is left of me.

My empire of dirt,
What I have built for myself is nothing but ruins and rubble, devoid of any worth or value - an empire of dust and ashes.

I will let you down,
I know I will disappoint you, hurt you, and do everything in my power to make you hate me despite how much I wish to do the opposite.

I will make you hurt,
I will end up hurting you with my actions, with my choices, and simply by being who I am - someone who is broken beyond repair.

I wear this crown of thorns,
I metaphorically and emotionally wear a crown of thorns - a symbol of pain - on my head that I never take off, and it has become a part of my identity.

Upon my liars chair,
I sit on the throne of lies, deceit, and dishonesty - one made for me by me - because I knowingly try to hide my true self and the things that I do.

Full of broken thoughts,
My mind is full of mixed emotions, scattered thoughts, and broken dreams - none of which I can fix or repair.

I cannot repair,
No matter how much I wish to fix myself or make amends for my mistakes, I know that I cannot fix or undo all that has been done or all that I am now.

Beneath the stains of time,
The memories, wounds, and actions of the past have left a mark on me that may or may not be visible on the surface, but it is something that I carry within me like a stain that will never fade away.

The feelings disappear,
Over time, I have become numb to emotions and feelings that once defined me, and now they are slowly but surely disappearing, leaving me hollow and empty inside.

You are someone else,
The person that you once knew or thought you knew is long gone and has been replaced by this hollow, broken shell of a person that I have become.

I am still right here,
Despite everything, I am still here - still alive, still hurting, still trapped in this cycle of self-destruction, unable to break free from it.

If I could start again,
If I could erase everything, all the pain and the hurt, I would start afresh and try to change myself for the better - but I know that it is impossible.

A million miles away,
If I could run away from all that I am and all that I have done, I would travel as far away as possible, so that I cannot hurt anyone again - even if it means running a million miles away.

I will keep myself,
If given another chance, I will hold on to myself and not let go - I will try to remember who I used to be, and not let myself become this pain and self-destruction that I am today.

I would find a way,
I would search for a way to rebuild myself, to make myself whole again, to find a way to heal from all the hurt and the pain that I have caused and that I have felt.